10-07-2019 12:18 AM
@Shaz51 Hey Shaz51 I am pretty sure a doctor told my ex not to tell his father who had dementia he was repeating himself as it just causes stress in the patient. However hard it is to listen to the same story over and over again. Getting old is awful. I hope you are doing okay my dear friend Shaz51xxx
11-07-2019 07:01 PM
@greenpea, I agree , i will not be reminding my mum xxxx, just be there for her
well today we thought we would only get one job done , instead we got 3 jobs done
afternoon tea with my MIL
morning tea with my mum
my mumis having some pains so fingers crossed that it means no hospital tonight
My step D1, S2 and S3 are having lots of troubles a the moment, it is soo hard as you want to b here and you want to be supportive to all xx
11-07-2019 07:49 PM
My Dad lost his vison and short term memory but he didn't have dementia
Seeing as he wasn't my responsibility I just enjoyed him and reminded him of the great times in the past and we would both laugh about the memories we shared and it was fun
But hard for my mother and my sister who didn't think it was funny at all but that was their problem - not mine - and I am glad to have those thoughts now that he has been gone for 8.5 years
So I would say it's better not to suggest to the elders that they have dementia even if they do - better to say they have a common problem - short term memory lost - and if you can - enjoy the past that they remember so well
But all the best with that
11-07-2019 09:40 PM
@Shaz51 Getting 3 jobs done is a great achievement for the day. Hope you can hang on to that positivity into tomorrow. Sending some love to you.
12-07-2019 01:50 PM
It is complicated with over medicalisation of home life and when so many people are "the patient" with different competing needs .... finding a middle ground that is bearable and acceptable for those in the situation ..
When I was 10 and lived with my grandparents I was eager and keen and respectful of my grandfather ... the adult children (my uncles and aunties) who were around for the evening meal or visiting .... would often laugh and snigger as they moved away and so he enjoyed my attention alone and I would ask questions and he would tell stories ... .... I gathered even then, that he was repeating himself ... and they did not want to listen .... I only lived with him 6 months and essentially that period cemented my sense of care from my grandparents. SO when he was needy later on and I was in late teens I was happy to go on a roster to do dinners for him ... one aunty was outraged at my presumption ... and the uncle said put her on the list to do the dinners ... I have always been around to do the work ....then my mother moved in with him with her younger kids and the aunties and uncles had nothing to worry about ....
one of my sisters would make him cups of tea .... she was caring ... but she died .... the other sister ... was younger and said he was disgusting and only demanded we care for her ... and rejected anything that was not self serving .... it was very sad .... she is the only one still alive and who cut me off ... but I no longer take it personally as she did that to everyone ... in the end I figure we older siblings "spoiled" her ....
12-07-2019 02:22 PM
Thanks for the story @Appleblossom - it always interesting to get an insight into other people's lives and I had the chance to think about my grandparents
My father's mother was in a Nursing Home for a long time - from my memory it seemed that no one wanted to look after her which seems sad to me - I used to visit her a lot but never knew what the story was - at the time I was not seeing my own parents and this upset my grandmother a lot -
Families - yeah - we could not be here without them and I wonder a lot about how members treat each other
I got on well with the old lady - she tended to be bossy but she told wonderful stories - my uncles would visit and me - and that was all - she was quite cross that I called my GP by his Christian name - telling me that it was disrespectful because he knew more than me. I told her respectfully that I was sure I knew a lot more about some things than he did -
I learned that it was okay to have a different opinion - she was a very kind old lady and I was sorry she had to spend years there - I had a wonderful relationship with her that might not have happened if she had not been in a nursing home -
My other grandparents were story-tellers too - maybe that's something I inherited from them
Grandparents are a wonderful resource - I am so glad I had the chance to know this elderly lady in my middle years - unfortunely I had bronchitis and couldn't attend her funeral - something I have always been sorry about
13-07-2019 05:23 PM
@Appleblossom Thank you for sharing this story. The relationship between grandchildren and grandparents is unique, and often complex between families. Is there one thing in particular you feel you learned from caring for your grandfather?
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