Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[outlander]

it is hard @Shaz51 my pop tells me one thing but tells the dr another.
you could always ring health direct and ask for their advice. they also can put you through to their dr and send them out if necessary.

[Appleblossom]

@Shaz51 

Maybe eye ball your mum about your real concern for her welfare, and listen to her response.  Make a decision whether or not its right to go over your mother's stated position. The sister's opinion probably has less weight, unless she has been granted medical attorney ...

Listen to your own instinct if your mum is she being casual, but covering up 

It is the hard fact that we cannot see inside another person except with wonderful modern and expensive medical imaging, and even that takes interpretation....  

I am going through a lot of these doubts with my son, but as it is a different relationship and our life stage is about me letting go and him standing on his own feet, it is better to err on the side ... of letting him "have a go" .... whereas with your mother maybe caution ... is important.  Tbh My mother would NEVER have allowed me to make decisions for her.  She was very proud.  FOr a while I was the driver to all her medical appointments, but it was always set up with me after she made her own appointments. She was in Palliative care for 9 months so her call was very accurate about her own ability to cope and her own health.

I have an old friend in a dementia ward and it was traumatic for me to visit him.  I went last year. It was all very fine and he was holding my arm, but my realisation of his mental decline took a toll.  I thought I should visit every week, but have had my hands full, just with my son, my cat, garden house etc. He has remained stable but very non functional according to his wife.  That is one I have stepped back from. I have another friend in another home ... for a while the only thing my son and I did was visit those homes .... weary sigh ... cant say whether people are better off in or out of them ... it all depends ....

Usually if a resident has family visiting they are at less risk.

[greenpea]

@Shaz51  Hey Shaz51 I dont know what to suggest ... it is an awful position for you to be in .... leave it with me and I will endeavour to come up with something that is better than what I have just written .... just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts. Lots of love peaxxxx

[Shaz51]

thank you my super @greenpea 

My mother would NEVER have allowed me to make decisions for her.-- same here @Appleblossom 

and thenk you for your message my @Appleblossom 

[eth]

You're in my thoughts too @Shaz51   I also have a very stubborn elderly mother who is determined to live alone and manage her own health.  2 crises with her in the last week, that involved family members in 3 different states doing their best to help in a way that she would accept.  The concern about possible dementia, this issue of falls, and in mum's case out of control extreme blood pressure spikes .... just let me say I hear you loud and clear and empathise with your position and the anxiety it causes.

One thing we have done is get Mum to do an 'Advance Health Directive' which you can get from the Dr and which becomes a legal document in which the patient can specify many details of their desires in certain health outcomes.  When and how those around them can respond or intervene.  I think it's a really good thing that we got her to do it while she still had the capacity mentally to do it.  Not at all sure, but wondering if it might be useful for you and your Mum to do one too.

Are you her carer officially (e.g. with centrelink or Carers Qld)?  If you are, the doctor must listen to your concerns, not just what your Mum says.   It's irresponsible to say the least if they won't.  

Sending you strength to be really assertive with her doctor - try to see them without her being present if you can and lay it all out on the table.

Lots of love xoxo

[Owlunar]

It's really hard for you @Shaz51  - being other people's carer when they really don't want to do what seems to be helpful

And your aunty is worried of course - and that makes it harder

It's best - I think - to let your mother have her own right to choose - as strange as it might be to us - and with dementia - or the possiblity of dementia - it's even harder still

Perhaps you could make an appointment to talk to her doctor yourself - it might set your mind at ease

It's is a hard time of life for you

Dec

[Shaz51]

Are you her carer officially (e.g. with centrelink or Carers Qld)?--- no I was refused @eth 

love to try again

yes i have been wondering weather to ring them and have a talk with the doctor xx

[Shaz51]

thank you @Owlunar , @eth , @greenpea , @Appleblossom , @outlander 

I know  my mum will get worse and I know what she want to do in the future

I think it will be good to talk to her doctor myself , given her an update of mum

I think my aunty is making a molehill out of a mountain

I know my aunty  is worried about her sister but  I know what mum`s wants at the moment

mum and i have done the 4 steps tothe early set of  dementia already so

It's best - I think - to let your mother have her own right to choose-- that is what I am trying to do my second mum @Owlunar , it is hard when aunty and cousins are at me about putting my mum in the hospital already

very true @Appleblossom xoxo

and thank you for your message @Faith-and-Hope 

[eth]

Yes @Shaz51   I think it would be worth trying again.  When I applied my doctor filled out the forms with me which I think really helped me get approved.  

[Former-Member]

Hi @Shaz51 

Visiting my mum this weekend and the hot water conked out. We had planned on staying an extra day as it had been a bit rushed previously so it has been nice to be on hand to be able to help get it sorted for her. I did weed a patch of garden and prune a plant for her too.