Lived Experience Forum

[Pollyotter]

@Zoe7
I am sorry things are not going so well. I wish there is something I could help with

[Zoe7]

Thanks @Pollyotter but just need to get through each day. Off to bed now. Lovely to see you tonight 

[Pollyotter]

So here i am again... 

In the closet ...

With wormy 

Freaking out ...

Not having the power that I need to get out of here yet again.. 

I have decided to call all this darkness Brenda... 

Brenda tells me I am worthless

Brenda tells me all the negative things that come with abuse ..

When I think Brenda is on her marry way she squats in my head and effects go to my heart... 

Is Brenda right? 

am  I right? 

Why am I here again? I have worked so hard to stay out of the closet and yet I crawled back here so fast...

I keep on looking around in this small space... Am I looking for my strength or am I looking for a way away from Brenda... Who knows. 

[Sphinxly]

Hey there @Pollyotter,

I can see you're in a dark place and feeling helpless about your recovery. I'm glad you are sharing it with us here. I hope you are being gentle on yourself.

Here with you,

Sphinxly 🐣

[Pollyotter]

@Sphinxly 

Thank you for your kind words. 

Are we ever gentile on ourselves after something like this? 

I know I am automatically not. 

I don't know what is harder about this having lived it and suppressed it or dealing after 8 years finally. That is something I still need to wrap my head about I guess. 

[Pollyotter]

I am going to drive myself crazy tonight I see. I have had a conversation with lifeline and as much as I appreciate the work they do I am finding myself thinking that its all abit scripted . I undestand that they have to word things in a way that will ensure they keep everyone save at all times.

Maybe I just lost it today... Maybe Brenda is now fully in control of everything .. Is that possible ?

[Pollyotter]

.....

[Pollyotter]

Hey, there beautiful people. I hope you are all doing well. 

I started to study counseling last month. Apparently, I have a talent for it. Who knew?. I work two jobs and keep myself extremely busy as well. 

Checking in how are you doing ?. 

@Zoe7 

@Lee82 

[Zoe7]

That is really good news @Pollyotter I have no doubt you would be good at it Hon - I have been here with you since you joined and have not only seen your progress personally but your support of others. Counselling is so much about listening and that you do really well so Yes I am sure you would be good at it. Good luck with the course and I hope it leads you in a direction you are happy and content with.

[Pollyotter]

@Zoe7

I know alot of scared times you helped me get to the other side of the darkness. How have you been