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Something’s not right

pooja
New Contributor

Please help me !

Hi, I have been married for 14 years now and have a 11 year old son. I walked out of his home 7 years back when I couldnt get along with his parents and he wasnt ready to live separately with him. He would come and see me and my son on weekends. But as my son was getting confused with this arrangement, I stopped him from seeing his son on weekends too. I hoped that he would miss us and moved back to us and set up a home but he didnt. He begged me to come and stay with his parents home. One day I threatened him to give divorce and he came to me running to my home and stayed for 1.6 years. But later his dad expired so left to his parents home again to be with his mom. He started again to beg me to return home but I never did as he was living on his mom's money and earned little and wasted all money he earned and never spent on me or my kid. But he still wanted me to stay and would daily beg me. I trusted that he loves me but unable to set up a home because he was incapable of earning money. I have not met him for the past 2 years though we talk on whats app and update about son. But I wont let him meet my son because my son is getting confused with a weeked dad.
Suddenly last month, I came to know that my husband was in a full-fledged affair for the past 6 years - even while he was begging me to come and live with him! WOW! When I confronted him through messages and calls. He denied it first and then bluffed that it was phone sex and then said it was just one year old affair. But from what I read and pics I saw, it was a very long and deep affair and he said they broke up months ago. I dont believe any of these stories and as I dont stay with him anyway, I have no chance to spy on him remotely. Im totally shocked that he cheated on me while begging me to come back to him. While I was waiting for him to change his mind and come back to me, he was busy doing all these. I asked for a divorce but he flatly denied giving one and begged for forgiveness. But I dont know how we can try to reconcile when we both dont even live together?
Its impossible for me to leave my old parents and go and stay with him in his house with him and his mom that too after leaving his home for 7 years and after this affair.
My parents and family are very angry with the affair and wanted to disclose this to his mom but she is too old to bear this at this age.
He is not even ready to completely come clean with the affair or attend counselling. Im sure in counselling they would ask us to stay together but we cant as he cant leave is very old ailing mom alone and stay with me and I cant leave my own parents and live with him.
He still not ready to divorce me because of social reputation.
What should I do?

3 REPLIES 3

Re: Please help me !

Hi @pooja

 

Welcome to the Forum and thanks for sharing your story.

 

That is so much to deal with. I hope you are finding time for yourself, taking time out and looking after your self as best you can.

 

I hope that you will find the forums to be a supportive place for exploring all these issues. Just a tip, if you are replying to someone or wanting to notify or touch base with someone, place an @ before their username, as in @pooja

 

All the best

Joe The Lion

Re: Please help me !

Wow, my friend it really seems that he

has already moved on with his life and 

Is keeping you from moving on with yours.  No, one ☝️ can really tell you to 

divorce him but it already seems that you 

two aren’t together anyway.  The only 

thing that seems to have the two of you 

together is your marriage certificate because it doesn’t look 👀 like much 

love is there in the marriage.  In order 

for a family to stay together they have to 

want to be together and are willing to do 

whatever it takes to make their marriage

work.

 

Hang in there and I’m praying for you and your son.

Re: Please help me !

Hi @pooja,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for having the courage to share your personal story here. Being deceived by somebody that you trust is an awful experience. Im so sorry that you have gone through this, and that your marriage has been such a long standing struggle.

 

Even if your husband is unwilling to go to therapy, I wonder if you would consider going on your own? It might be helpful for you in terms of processing what has happened and helping you to make a decsion about what to do next.

 

In the meantime, I hope that you will keep reaching out here in the forums and to friends and family members that you trust. You deserve to be supported through this difficult period of your life.

 

All the best,

Chamomile.

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