Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Former-Member]

So glad he's safe at least @Former-Member, hopefully you can get some sleep tonight. Trust all will be well. Night xox

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

thank you for taking the time to reply to me. i know that most people on here have huge issues of their own to contend with so responding to another's plea for help is wonderful and means so much to me.

things have gone from bad to worse with son. he rang me several times last night; my husband and i think other backpackers told him that the police were looking for him. he asked for more money. i said that we were not in a position to do that having paid so many bills. he just got nastier and threw all this stuff at me, calling me crazy, a witch, how could i make my son homeless and starving. Did I realise that if i didnt help him out with money it would be the last i would hear from him. i would only have one son left then. i told him that was emotional blackmail and then the tirade of abuse that followed. i said did he realise that was emotional abuse. i was not going to say anything like that at all. I planned to be calm, listen and be careful how i responded. Well the walls just came tumbling down. he found my achilles heel and dug deep into it. he hurt me more than he ever has. all i have felt last night, even though medicating myself heavily and today is extreme physical pain and angst in my chest. My psychiatrist has agreed that I can increase prn during day and increase sleeping tablet if necessary. I asked what is maximum for each medication so that i dont just keep popping pills in despair. i normally hate medication and avoid using it. now i realise that i am hanging over the edge. i rang the police, his mental health team, apparently the interstate police spoke to him, he told them he is over there just having a rest from his family and wants no contact with us! A  rest from us!!! So missing person that took so much time and effort to set up has been cancelled. He could sail to  China for all we know. police told me that basically if he becomes so unwell and a member of the public reports him to the police he will be assessed and possibly be detained in public health system there. so the merrygoround continues. the policeman actually could tell that i was at my wit's end and when i voiced that he will either end up dead or detained until we hear something. he said the only thing  i could do is use money as a bargaining system to keep  a track of where he is.

rang carers sa, rang somewhere else where person corrected me 3 times because the organisation name had changed then spent ages on phone to  lifeline. lady was lovely and has made me make a verbal contract with her that i will ring again not just when i have lost it but to talk. that was a great comfort. i felt that i would be holding up the line and others would be desperately trying to get through.

ive rambled again. only 30mins more then i can take another prn. what a sad sorry state of affairs life is.

sorry about content dont want to make any of you miserable after reading this sad saga.

[Former-Member]

Well @Former-Member, if the police eyeballed him and had a conversation, he's clearly not too 'off his face' - to be in imminate danger, or they would have taken him in. So, as frustrating as it all is, he's alive and doing his own thing and hopefully things won't get too bad before he gets help next time. You've done all you can, you really do have to somehow let go now, for your own sanity. The only way I can do this with my son is hand him over to someone greater than me - God (really hand over and let go and trust), Our heavenly father is omnipotent, sees the bigger eternal picture, hears our prayers but knows what's best. I'm glad you have faith and I can say that. The 'feelings' come and go like waves, they are like the weather and not worth too much focus. You go easy with those pills, they won't help you think straight. Be kind to yourself, its so hard. Wrap yourself in cotton wool for a day or two. Deep breaths, walk it off, hugz xox

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member, how are you feeling tonight??? Sorry if my last post was lacking, really do hope you're managing and your son gets help / well xox

[Former-Member]

I spoke to my bro3 in MH hospital lockup today and after 10yrs his new Dr tell him he doesn't think its Schizophrenia, but Major Depression. As he was telling me I heard his voice calm and you could hear the hope in his tone.

[Former-Member]

hello @Former-Member

wrote an essay on the other side then switched over and found this

i feel so much for you and your brother. perhaps the medication has finally taken away the schizophrenia.

major depression is my illness as well as anxiety. not easy either.

feel so very emotional for you both. how lovely that you can see him.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

only found your posts just then - i keep losing things that i have written

God    yes  I had forgotten about him  how awful  i am a total wreck am going to lay down for a while i think cant stop the crying.

thanks though it helps even though i dont like to think what you are going through and your brother it brings me into a circle of another sufferer. i hope you dont mind if i join your circle.

[Former-Member]

@Former-Member

i dont think i will hear from him again. i said i wouldnt give him money. he told me that i was making him homeless and starving.

i rang his dad who told me that he has sent him money, birthday money

now i feel guilty and a horrible mother his dad has always given money, bought stuff, materialistic, screamed at him because he has learnt to be selfish and wants more.

so i am the one who is a crazy witch and a horrible mother. guilt is such a horrid emotion. i am going to sleep like i said i was before. get off here and read a book or something

thank you so much you have been so kind

[Appleblossom]

Hello @Former-Member

I am really sad to hear that your son and you are in such a distressed state.

I can relate on many levels, but the first thing is PLEASE LOOK AFTER YOU>  

As a parent we do need to stop enabling problematic behaviour.  Reading between the lines. I would say you were probably doing love in a tough way by risking his anger and rejection by refusing to be manipulated.  That takes AWARENESS, INSIGHT and COURAGE.

I too have walked these issues with many male family members.  Both my biological brothers, my husband, and my son.... regarding .. when to give and when to withold or say "enough" or "no".

The gender competitions and the role of parents .. in helping reality checking .. is trickier than the average psychiatrists' comprehension.

[PeppiPatty]

DEar @Former-Member

How are you? I've been reading your post with much interest, it's the story of my life and you know.....when your in there, you just deal with it and when your out.....the shock of everything ......makes you want to go to bed or sit in a clean lounge room for a very long time. 

How are you?

How is your son? 

I had a look at my MIL on Saturday ( Mother in Law) ....she poor lady has gone through ....... with managing herself with two children both with serious MI and then, having to let go and see that Im on board with my husband. We are not there yet this is my MIL. Thats the least of my worries.

My son at 20: 6 years ago:  began having a psychosis one month per year.....Even though I am able to get myself a lot of support and therefore giving him what I can: it's hard, he is secretive on his diagnosis. He sends me aggressive texts and it's difficult.

But as I see it: at least he is doing it to the mobile, not to your face. I do not know if this is how you see it. He also lives in another state which brings up another load of problems. He doesnt know that he is sending me these terrible texts,  He doesnt know that he is sending them to you, he is Psychotic. The problems  are these:

Self medicating.

Being with dangerous people.

Fear. 

With my own husband: I imagine that he wakes up first thing in the morning and is terrified: he is dagnosed with Chronic PAranoid Schizophrenia and he is struggling all day. He needs complete peace and calm. Thats it this is how it is. 

My husband was on a CTO for years and years and years. He is now not. But Im not allowed to talk about him so thats all I can say. 

I can only say to you.... please read the other women and men who have struggled with this. I can't tell you what is going to happen tomorrow for you but I can write what @Appleblossom and @Former-Member writes: care for you: have a bit of.....distance around yourself when you talk to him. Like: speak to him but remember you when speaking to him. I know it's easier said than done. For a few years, I was flying over to see my son for one week per year: it was heartbreaking when I got home.