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Sophia1
Senior Contributor

STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

Well hello all

 

I am a carer who has lived experience.

I started over here on this side seeking answers and support.

I did receive some from some beautiful souls.

Then people move away as expected.

Others drift to more popular sites...as is the way of the world with social media...social chat...

Perhaps even too painful to respond to other carers hurting and seek distraction on these forums.

 

I personally would like the distraction chats moved to a separate area from the threads where people are reaching out for support.

These specific threads are often overlooked.

 

The chit chat, social catchup, social support can have separate community guides specifically for that type of communication.

 

The specific threads re traumatic, terrifying, life affecting situations at time can have a different group of community guides more focussed on supporting and reassuring.

Following up to make sure that people do not feel dismissed, ignored, not heard, not listened to, not worthy enough or valued.

 

These forums have grown so much and many positive changes have occurred.

I still see blatantly in many threads a mirror of the real world and the western society of interraction.

 

These are my concerns at this very minute as I have returned after a couple of months.

I believe that this forum, this side of the fence needs to be cared for and monitored differently to one of a friendly welcome.

 

People land here because they are at their wits end.

 

So

If this is still here I hope that some use will come from it.

I hope that carers will feel safe in openly expressing how they feel about whatever is on their mind. 

Get it out ...writing...music...just  get it out...

remember not to write anything that will identify yourself...

 

let us improve and bring change to the recognition and support that we carers need.

 

love to all of you very strong, often worn out loving, caring souls

💜💚💛

17 REPLIES 17

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

good to see you @Sophia1 Heart

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

thank you @outlander 

although the heading does say no response laugh 😁

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

oopsy 😏😬 @Sophia1

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

Time to go to bed and pray for sleep

new strategies yet again tonight with hope

phone on aeroplane mode

sleep deprivation is devastating long term

over two months again

am trying to elude fatigue again

any others out there knowing full well probably most of you 

good luck and let us make a pact to keep on trying

 

goodnight all 😴

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

🤫

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

@Sophia1  trigger warning

 

I often wonder what will happen when I die. Who will look after my son2 .... does anyone understand when I say that I would prefer him to pass first then I know he will be safe and sound not abused in some facility etc. Am I a bad mother for saying this?? Idk maybe I am but it is the truth it worries me it just endlessly worries me.

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

This is how I feel about myself at times for being such a imperfect mother.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Qu4Ass6abo

 

Song: Some Kind Of Monster Artist: Metallica Album: St. Anger [Clean] Year: 2003 Record Label: Elektra Writers: James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, Bob Rock Band Members: James Hetfield - Lead Vocals & Rhythm Guitar Lars Ulrich - Drums Kirk Hammett - Lead Guitar Robert Trujillo (Bob Rock In

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

Joy Division Live At Something Else Show In September 1979 Source: BBC Four Song: She's Lost Control From The Album: Unknown Pleasures

Re: STRUGGLING TO FIT IN....FEELINGS TO PAINFUL TO HOLD IN ANYONE LISTENING...LEAVE THOSE PAINFUL THOUGHTS HERE..NO RESPONSES PLEASE OUT OF RESPECT

Hello @greenpea  

I found this reply to your post way back on 26/5 this year.

Hope that this does not confuse you, my finally posting this draft now.

 

I do understand your thinking that way and emphatically say to you that you are not a bad mother at all.

 

You are a loving mother who cares and hurts for your son.

You have an inner need to know that he is cared for.

This leads you to feel the need to see his passing in a respectful, loving way even though you do not want him to leave at all.

It makes perfect sense to me.

This is your eternal love for him.

I think that far too many carers myself included carry guilt that is such a dreadful emotional energy.

 

We want so much to take away their pain, their fear, their sorrow , their dread, yet we cannot. 

 

I myself feel at such a loss as my baby who has grown into an adult is moving further and further away from me in his calls. His disordered mind has become more and more difficult to understand what he is trying to convey to me in such a haunting voice..sounding almost mechanical.

I have the self talk that the situation is beyond my help now.

I can answer the calls when feeling strong enough and attempt to respond within the framework that I am allowed. No questions. No comments. The subject becomes incoherent and then abusive and I have to give the warning that I will hang up

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