Lived Experience Forum

[Molliex]

I'm so glad to hear it's better than a month ago. Celebrate any victory! You're so strong 💚

I have less SI, but much more instances of SH. Psychiatrist is suggesting hospitalisation, but I'm still really unsure. Had good appointment with psychologist today. Despite the SH, they think I'm making decent progress. 

[Angels333]

Hey @Molliex @outlander @Shaz51 @Maggie @Owlunar  @Appleblossom @greenpea @MDT @Adge @eth 

Hi All, just an update on where I'm at,  at the moment.    I haven't been responding too much over the last few weeks but I do put out the occasional sentence of support. 

Things have changed for me after my last psychiatrist appointment 2 weeks ago.  My Psychiatrist increased my antipsychotic.    I didn't notice a change straight away but then a little over a week ago I was able to reduce my SH . 

Then a bad thing happened on Monday night,  I left a SH tool on the bathroom bench and then went to work.    I didn't finish work until 8pm and Mr Angels  was due home at 7.30.    He found it, but he said nothing at all to me about it.   I was so ashamed.     Monday night I was teary and very depressed I was suicidal.    It was the same Tuesday I was very depressed/paranoid suicidal.   I had the opportunity to go and buy another tool but I have decided against it.     Still  Mr Angels said nothing to me on Tuesday night,  I didn't tell him about how suicidal I have been.   Yesterday was a little better, my self confidence is through the floor though.     Last night Mr Angels finally spoke to me about it.   I apologised and he reminded me that it's the third time he has found something since my last admission almost 6 months ago.   That's how long the SH has been going on, almost 6 months!   Every day!    My mind and body are worn out.

I have managed to refrain from buying another one.    So it's been 2 full days of no SH.     I have had another battle on my hand and that is me dieting unhealthily, it's becoming an obsession.  I am still feeling suicidal but not as bad as Tuesday I see my Psychiatrist this morning at 11.30.   I know my Psychiatrist will be glad I haven't used SH in the last few days.   

I have the urge to buy a new tool for self harm.   It is hard th fight against it.   Mixed with negative self talk and Suicidal thinking I have a lot to deal with.

I'm just hoping I can make it through the day.

[Owlunar]

Whoops @Angels333 

Okay - that's in the past now but the question is what to do about it now

But the good thing is that your new medication seemed to be working and you had reduced your SH and you are seeing your psychiatrist today and I wish you all the best with that

You must be feeling really anxious - I can see that - talk it over with your doctor and that might help - just letting us know might help - I hope so. Keeping things like that to yourself is hard too - I imagine

I'm so glad you shared and let's hope today gets better

Dec

[Angels333]

Thanks @Owlunar I will talk to my Psychiatrist. 

[Owlunar]

Great - wtg @Angels333 

Dec

[Lauz]

Hi @Angels333 

It sounds like a tough time but that it also got to some good conversations that helped you reflect and try to manage those feelings. You have done really well to manage those urges and I think like you have reflected with @Owlunar - speaking to your pyschiatrist about this is a really good idea. 

If you need help to manage those urges in the moments, I really strongly encourage you to pop on the phone and chat to a counsellor from one of the below helplines. They can help you get through the moments of strong urge. 

Glad you have supports to reach out to @Angels333 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

SANE Australia 1800 18 7263 or webchat 

[Molliex]

Oh @Angels333 . I am sending you many hugs and waves of kindness and strength.

Something I really admire about you is your ability to always find something positive - despite a rough few days, you are still able to recognise the really positive steps forward you have taken in regards to your SH.

Good luck with your appointment. I hope talking things through helps. Let us know how you go.

We are here for you any time xx

[Maggie]

Good luck with your appointment @Angels333 🤞🤞🤞💜💜

[Angels333]

Thanks @Lauz 

[Angels333]

Thanks @Molliex , thinking of you all the time💕💕