Lived Experience Forum

[creative_writer]

Hey @Wilhelmina I don’t think we’ve met before, welcome to the forums 🙂.

[creative_writer]

Really struggling right now. I’ve tried contacting Lifeline and SuicideCallBack service. I am safe, but really really overwhelmed. My body didn’t feel quite right in the morning today and I’m afraid, I don’t want to feel like that again. It just reminds me of all the shame, sadness, fear and anger I feel because of the trauma. I’m not even 19-20 years old anymore, and yet it doesn’t leave me. This isn’t even usual for me, I didn’t get these physical flashbacks so much before until a few days ago, since these few days it’s been everyday, even at times multiple times. It can last for a while too. It hard, really hard to live through it. I get really bad suicidal thoughts during them. And even a lot later on in the day because I am living this torture. It’s torture. I am so tired of fighting and fighting because every time I do I keep drowning and drowning. It seems easier to give up, and I feel torn between wanting to live and die. I took preparatory steps a few weeks ago towards suicide but never went through with it. I’ve been getting extra support lately around the suicidal ideation. I don’t even know how to talk to family, I live with them, so I have to manage resisting urges and keeping myself safe.

[Wilhelmina]

Hi there, thank you, I'm new 

[Wilhelmina]

@creative_writer do you have any paranoia? I battle with paranoia every day 

[creative_writer]

@Wilhelmina I deal with a lot of Hyper-vigilance from trauma, not so much paranoia. But I would imagine paranoia would be very hard to cope with. Sending you lots of hugs your way 🤗.

[tyme]

Hi @creative_writer ,

I hear how difficult it is to sit with these unpleasant thoughts. I am glad you at given the helplines a go.

Remember, you can contact them multiple times or as needed. I guarantee you won't get the same person which means the next person you speak to may have a different view on things. I know that was the case with me when I used to call helplines - some were really helpful whereas others were not so helpful.

- Lifeline on 13 11 14

- Beyondblue on 1300 224 636

- Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467

- 000 if in immediate danger

Take care, tyme

[NatureLover]

@creative_writer  so sorry to hear,,, sending wishes... 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome,  @Wilhelmina 
 

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@Wilhelmina wrote:

I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, paranoia and ptsd 

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Do you have any professional support? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?
 
A handy forum tip is if you type @ and then click on a name in the drop-down box, that person will get a notification and won't miss your reply. 🙂

[Wilhelmina]

1. @NatureLover I'm on several meds. My local adult mental health team discharged me on the 2nd of August even though I'm battling with anxiety, paranoia and suicidal thoughts every day. So I no longer have access to a free psychiatrist. I've put aside $200 and my Mum will put in $200 to see a private psychiatrist for $400. No idea how I'm going to afford extra visits. I've got a private psychologist through the NDIS. 

[creative_writer]

@tyme yeah with a lot of helplines it tends to be a hit or miss. Was able to do some reflection work last night while talking to a friend. I think I really needed it.

@NatureLover have had suicidal thoughts today but they haven’t been as bad. The flashbacks are still happening, sort of wish they went away. But these things take their time.

@Wilhelmina if you go to your GP they can often give your a referral to a psychiatrist which is often at least partly covered by Medicare. I believe there are bulk billed psychiatrist too, but I am not sure how common it is.