Lived Experience Forum

[Flytrap]

I'm trying. Trying to be a better person than I was yesterday.

Somehow I manage to drive everyone away. It was unintentional. I didn't know people would take it negatively. I appreciate it when people call me out on it. I want to own up to my mistakes. I always apologise when people tell me what I did was wrong.

But it seems like I've been angering people left and right and accompanied with such frequent apologies people think I'm being a jerk intentionally and behaving dismissively. 

Important to note: the mistakes I did were never the same. I don't get how one person manage to getaway with such "transgression" but I am the victim when I emulate said person.

At this rate I just want to be alone but society doesn't work that way. 

I know the adage "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you" well but where do I draw the line? There are some instances which I don't find it offensive but some do, my instant reaction to apologise people when I did something wrong is "dismissive" to some.

My background is very complicated and I have no friends to ask what went wrong. My parents aren't exactly good examples as well.

What's worse is that I am already having difficulty in communicating myself verbally (speaking out is something what I've been trying to suppress to avoid offending people).

How do I play this game? The experiences so far are painful as heck and I really don't like it. But for the sake of my future I have to. I am tired of being so careful and yet constantly worried of being callous.

I just wish people are aware that I am always trying to better and not being a jerk constantly. People just stay away from me for that reason.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Flytrap and welcome to the forums 👋

I can hear how confused and overwhelmed you seem to be feeling.  It can be really difficult when we are not understanding social cues, and sometimes that is just the particular group of people we are hanging out with.  

There are a rena couple of things you could try ..... you could try joining an activity group that is different from your usual circle, like

a walking group or art group or sporting grouo, and see whether you find a better comfort level there.  

You can also also speak to your gp and ask to be referred to a counsellor ..... talking over what is appening for you, they may be able to see things you are missing, or make suggestions of things you could try.  That might involve tweaking some of your patterns of behaviour, but not nexessarily.  They might just give you some really positive feedback about having a great sense of humour, and being a fun, outgoing person.  It may help to lift your self-confidence ..... 

See how you go.  Welcome again, and come and chat any time.  We have some special interest threads under Social Spaces where you can find others here with similar interests to you.