Lived Experience Forum

[PattyK]

Hey, can anyone explain why it’s possible to feel so empty and unmotivated from ptsd. I’m 8 years into this diagnosis now and been trying soooo hard to combat it. Recently did my second Rehab hospital stay (3 weeks) and felt I was making good progress into acceptance (which I’ve struggled with). The last few weeks it feels like my recovery has fallen off a cliff ... all I want to do is sleep and make the days go quicker so I dont have to deal with my feelings. I was feeling good for a while there that I’d turned a corner.

Anyway thanks for listening.

[CheerBear]

Hi @PattyK. Sorry to hear things are hard at the moment. 

I don't really have an answer as to why it's possible to feel empty and umotivated from PTSD but I did want to reply as PTSD can really mess with me in lots of ways. I often feel really tired, and I wonder whether it's because it can be so exhausting simply living with it and trying, as you mentioned, so hard to manage and 'combat it'. When I am particularly tired, for whatever reason (but often stress related), I find those sorts of empty, unmotivated, depressed feelings more easily creep in and take over.

It's an up and down and round and round kind of journey for me, and when things take a turn in a way I don't want, as often happens, I can feel really sad and disappointed which lends itself to more of those depressed kinds of feelings. It then sort of kicks off a bit of a cycle for me, which can be hard to get out of. I'm not sure if that's anything you can relate to, but it's my experience with some of the feelings that can come with it.

Hearing you mention 'falling off a cliff' made me remember a picture I had saved a couple of weeks ago (I think I've fallen off a bit of a cliff in the last little while also). 

A 'dip', fall, corner, etc that happens following a good run with progress, can feel even harder I think. If only recovery was a nice neat upward line!   

Hoping there's a turn for the better for you soon. 

[utopia]

@PattyK
I'm wondering whether PTSD also comes with the diagnosis of Depression? Maybe a @Former-Member may be able to advise on this.
4 years ago I developed PTSD. I received great treatment and now rarely struggle with the PTSD effects. However, I do struggle with depression and have been diagnosed with Major Depression. So I wonder if one always leads to another.
Or maybe it's because of the strain of PTSD that we can easily feel depressed and fall back into an episode.
Are you seeing any professionals at the moment for your PTSD or for your current low mood? If not maybe speak with your gp and ask for a referal to a psychologist and / or a psychiatrist who specialises in PTSD.
Generally I find my episodes of depression are normally short lived. So I'm hoping that this may be the case with you as well.
Times when I've come home from a hospital stay - inspired and ready to move on and upwards - after a while, if things haven't progressed how I hoped they would - then I can very easily slip back into that negative self talk and the lack of motivation that seems to go with depression.
I think that's why it's important when we leave hospital that we have lots of supports in place at home. From family and friends to professionals.

[Tortoiseshell]

Hi @PattyK, that sounds really hard making such progress into your acceptance and then now struggling with difficult feelings. From what I understand about PTSD feelings of emptiness and lack of motivation are not uncommon at all, and perhaps are a bit of a way your mind tries to manage very painful emotions, or as @CheerBear says of perhaps becoming exhausted by being so highly anxious and trying to manage that.

Managing mental health is such a non-linear journey and feeling bad now doesn’t mean all that work you did during your Rehab hospital stay is not still really valuable and there in the background 🙂

[PattyK]

Thanks for the reply ... I do really appreciate it. To answer your question, yes I am diagnosed with major depression aswell.

After reading everyone’s comments perhaps it’s a post-hospital visit ‘lull’ so to speak. Weird thing is my anxiety which usually troubles me is less of an issue, I’m just so tired, unmotivated and just struggling to even try to overcome it. It def feels more like s depressive state then an anxiety riddled one.

Good news is I have good support around me. I saw my gp today for a checkup and actually at the hospital tomorrow for a day program assessment. Family are there for me too.

Thanks everyone ... I’ll keep battling for now and try to push thru it. Gotta keep reminding myself ‘it will pass’.

[CheerBear]

Hi @PattyK. I found it interesting to hear that anxiety is usually what troubles you. Anxiety for me is like my go to constant (not that that's a good thing) so it's the depressive state that I find more troublesome in a way. I live with a diagnosis of recurrent Major Depressive Disorder also and the anxious/depressive combination definitely can drive the rollercoaster of ups and downs.

It's great to hear you have support around you. I find comfort in remembering that things change always. Even when they don't feel like they will or are, we and everything around us, are in a constant state of change. It's a bit like the reminder that it will pass ☺

I hope your hospital appointment is helpful today.