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Something’s not right

New Contributor

Worn out

I have 17 year old son who hasn’t been to school for over 2 years due to anxiety. The mood swings are constant. He has been diagnosed with anxiety but also trauma that happened in his first 4 years of life. Has seen psychologists over the years so now believes he is beyond help. Have tried so many avenues of help and though he agrees to attend he always pulls out at the last minute saying they won’t help or sees someone once before saying they won’t help. Often says he wants to die to end the pain but whenever medical people ask him he says no. He rarely leaves the house and if he does he has major meltdowns in the process of getting ready. He struggles to decide what to wear or even eat never mind making any other decisions. He is on anti depressant that he wants to come off as he feels it isn’t working. Anytime they make any changes in medication or dosage he becomes extremely agitated, aggressive and has been taken by ambulance with police escort on several occasions to hospital where he has had to be sedated and each time they send him home a few hours later saying no beds available. A few times we have returned not even 24 hours later. My house is slowly being destroyed by him damaging things in anger. Things seem to build up over a week or so and then he explodes before things calm down for a few days. He is self medicating with marijuana as he feels this is the only thing that helps and says he wants medical marijuana but of course we can’t. I feel so alone. I have left several phone messages with his psychiatrist over the last 3 months and have not heard back from him. It is just me and him at home so of course everything is my fault according to him. I don’t know what to do now


Re: Worn out

My heart goes out to you and your son. It is such a difficult situation for both of you. 

Neami do home visits as part of their outreach. Though perhaps they only take people from 18.

Re: Worn out

Hello @Kcjm and welcome to the forum

my husband has seen lots of  psychologists and  psychiatrists, but he has cancelled all help at all now

my husband was  on anti depressant for years unil they put him on to anti anxiety medication as well which has helped , we still have ups and downs every day

you need to look after you too as a carer , Carer Australia maybe able to help you and we are here for you too , you are not alone my friend

It is sad that it seems like they have given up on you and your son

@Pebbles, @NotLabelDefined

Re: Worn out

Hey Worn Out,

You are not alone & I have been in an identical situation for over 6 yrs & am still struggling with my now 20yr old son.

A recent trip to hospital & being sent home for lack of beds etc...we had a dianosis of Dysmorphia so, I am currently trying to get my son to go to GP so I can get referral for treatment. 

I don't have the answers for you I'm afraid because, like you I am struggling with a child refusing treatment.

The treatment is just as scary as the condition. I feel that all the gaps in his care just further isoloate him & cause further problems due to lack of consistantcy from him & the mental health professionals. I don't understand how forcing someone with anxiety into unfamiliar locations like hospitals & different outside therapists helps. It's like putting an alcholic in charge of a brewery! They can't help themselves & can't seek the treatment themselves. My son can't manage his mental health nor can he be trusted to do so. I have had the destruction too.

I feel just as lost & traumatised as you do but, am going to keep searching. Our boys are worth it & as hard & dehumanising as it is, I just want you to know, I'm here with you at the coal face. Stay strong Mummabear & hugs.

Re: Worn out

 Hello @Awareb4 Smiley Happy

 Hope you don`t mind but I tagged @Kcjm for you so she will get the email message from you that you just wrote

sending you tender hugs @Awareb4 and to let you not you are not alone Heart

Re: Worn out

Aww thankyou :-) hugs backatcha!

Re: Worn out

'Hello @Awareb4, @Kcjm

How are you handling the forum ??

Using the @symbol ahead of someone’s username “tags” them ....,, sends a notification that you have posted, named them as a recipient, and provides a link to the post ..... eg @Shaz51 just sent one to me.

At the top of your screen is a Home button that takes you to the Home page. There you are offered a choice between the Lived Experience side of the forums, or the Carer’s side ...... although you are “allowed” on either .....

When you choose either LE or C forum, the next page has a list of Discussion Topic areas. One of them is Social Spaces, another is Something’s Not Right, or Lookung After Ourselves / Our Wellbeing, or Our Stories ..... these categories help with the organisation of the threads.

There is also the Search button, if you know the name of the thread you want (key words bring up a drop-box on PC, notebook or IPad) although the Search will give you results for the side of the forum you’re on (C or LE). You can always press the Home button to change sides when you want.

I hope this helps ......


Re: Worn out

Thank you for your messages of support @Awareb4 @Appleblossom @Shaz51
Even though I can feel so alone it is nice to have found this forum where we can share some of our struggles and heartbreak and be understood. Thank you

Re: Worn out

The good in our boys makes them worth it. @Kcjm

As you manage alone, only YOU can know which issues you have the energy to maintain some consistency over. It most certainly is NOT all your fault. SO do not buy into that argument.  I would quietly back away from that, shore up my inner defences and choose the issues worth fighting for. Maturity comes gradually and for boys sometimes more slowly than girls.

If you are not a dope smoker and do not like it in your house. I would suggest that is the first thing to go. along with breaking things in anger.  You do not have to put up with that.

I struggled with school refusal for many years before the treatment refusal, but my son drew clear lines for himself about anger and lashing out at people. Also he is against substance abuse, so I do not have to worry about those things. I do have respect for many of my son's choices.  The longer you let them think they can get away with things the harder it is to shift.  Explain the reasons for your position, clearly, but you should not have to repeat endlessly. 

Unfortunately my brother both smoked dope and had repeated angry violent outbursts destroying property and hurting people.  I loved my brother and understood many of his issues, but it did not end well for him.  Explain the issue of self hate and keep hope alive in your heart and look for alternatives.

I had a beautiful moment yesterday picking up my son from the train. He had been out and doing something he loved and his change in body posture and purposeful stride was a joy to see.

Take care



Re: Worn out

@Appleblossom, @Shaz51
Thankyou both for your help & YES our boys are worth fighting for :-)
I just find the systems in place seem to be designed to keep you stuck rather than actually progress but, I know from experience that you have to help your self & as Apple said, shore yourself up & pick what's more important. As for the dope smoking, my son had the same problems as @Kcjm & I stood my ground albeit a full on battle! I sent him to my alcoholic ex husband for a break but, naturally this made things worse argh! I have banned the use of dope in my home & have now moved to care for my elderly mother. He has tried it here too! I have told him that this is a non negotiable rule & he has stopped? He has stolen & consumed my alcohol (I don't drink (just rarely at social events) but, was given alcohol for xmas & birthday, I will no longer have any alcohol in the house. He is taking his meds finally & things have settled for the minute. I am trying to get him to GP again for mental health plan so, finger crossed. I hope your all doing well & that we can continue upwards.
My son has a genetic predisposition to this as, my brother has had psychotic episode, ex is gambler alcoholic smoker, my father was an alcoholic, father in law alcoholic, grandfathers, uncles!!! Even I struggle to comprehend this dysfunction & like most of the women have had to pick up the pieces of the destruction it cause. I am determined to break this cycle once & for all...staying strong!

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