@Former-Member
I have been mulling over your original post for days... asking for honest answers.
Absolutely, unequivally caring for someone with a mental illness is a burden... SOMETIMES.
About 18 months ago (a year into my relationship with a bloke with bipolar, ptsd and on the autism spectrum) I thought "wow this is shite, he is horrible most of the time" so I started keeping a spreadsheet of his moods (3 entries per day) and transfered the data to graph form so I could see at a glance what percentage of my life was being made hell by this man.
At his very worst (this year has been pretty bad) he was still ok 20% of the time, averaging 50 to 60% at the moment, now that new meds and new therapist are kicking in. Most of last year he was what I call "himself" 75% of the time. It's just that the other 25% is a pain in the bottom.
Is it worth it? Yes. Sometimes I feel completely defeated by him and what he puts me through but mostly I feel adored. I hate it when things are in full flight when I get too tired and my own head goes sideways from the tension or sleep deprivation... but at the very least 60% of our time together is absolute bliss.
He hates Mr Hyde as much as I do and thankfully when things are really really bad he doesn't remember much afterwards. If he knew half of what he said and did he'd plummet so far down that self harm would be on the agenda. It had been before I met him.
The sorts of people who choose to be with, or stay in a relationship with someone with severe mental illness are special people. There are many of those special people on this forum (myself included) and they give support to each other daily. We can discuss our partners' and their whims and foibles without fear of judgement. When I need a hug they are virtually here for me. This forum has saved me this year.
We are constantly reassuring ourselves that we make a difference, constantly reminding ourselves that the illness is responsible for the bad things, not our loved one, and that we are unable to make it better. For me, accepting that I couldn't fix it was the watershed moment when I adjusted my expectations and plans for the future.
Of course I would prefer he was well. Of course I would rather not have to deal with the illness when it flares up, but the atypical neurons he was born with, and the way life events have triggered several illnesses (physical and mental) are also what has turned him into the guy I fell in love with. Who would have thought, as a widow of nearly 60, my life would once again be filled with passion?
Please hold on Mrcrazylady.
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13 YARN