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Welcome & getting started

Re: Hi, it's been a while

@Smc you have had, and continue to have, a tough time that is certain. I am happy to hear that you and are husband are in this together and that you do have a group, be it small, where some of whom can understand the issues you face. I wonder how you go about bringing yourself to make the effort to keep up friendships when you have had to forgo so many social occasions because of psych emergencies, and even when things are going okay, do you feel that you are a whole enough person to be present with and enjoy friendships? This is something I want to work on.
Your hobbies sound fun and you are so lucky to have those little cottager pets. They must bring you a lot of joy. Thank you for replying x

Re: Hi, it's been a while

@AlwaysHappy. we've had to drop out of a lot of things we used to do, but I jealously guard my once a month "garden club" day as my "day out". Sadly, that's been on hold for most of this year due to COVID restrictions.

Sometimes I have to really push myself to get out and about. There are days when I haven't felt in the mood for the garden club get together, but I've pushed through anyway. I think because when we've had to let go of so much, I don't want to let what's left slip for the sake of not being in the mood on one particular day.

Small town means that when we go down the street to buy groceries or whatever, we run into people we know, and we tend to chat and catch up then, but organised catch-ups have been a bit beyond us, so there's a few friends we haven't seen for a while. For now, they'll have to wait until it's safer to mingle.

Organised events of any sort have become hard. A couple of years ago, our family organised a big birthday party for Hubby's and my 50th birthdays (same year, a few months apart, so we picked our anniversary date that fell in between the two). Older Daughter was in the middle of a bad spot during the run up to the party, and it felt so strange organising a celebration with all of that in the background, but again, we pushed through. It was worth it. A lovely afternoon with friends, worth remembering. One or two got a heads up on the day about what was going on behind the scenes, but for the most part, there was no reason for that to be a topic of conversation.

Soooo I guess we keep a social life running through sheer determination? Because I know that dropping away from people will do long term harm that outweighs the difficulty of "getting out there".

But it's not easy, it's not altogether "natural" like it used to be. Something I really regret is that we've been too exhausted, and as a result, too domestically-dishevelled to invite people to visit us. I'd love to regain the energy and opportunities to do that again.


Re: Hi, it's been a while

Thanks, @AlwaysHappy Smiley Happy. There's a lot I've left out and tiptoed around. Partly because I didn't have the energy to write a 10,000 word in-depth essay; but mostly because I just don't want to offend anyone who reads it and/or put people off-side. I've had bad experiances in the past.

 

But thank you for recieving what I did write so kindly. It is truly appreciated. Smiley HappySmiley Happy

Mumof04 ... fellow night owls

I agree, whilst we have children that aren't as high need, I always make the time to catch up with them once a week, in person, seperatly  (lucky we are all within LGA) & we have a family group on messenger which we communicate lighter things daily or every second day, it also helps to Keep the four siblings somewhat informed on ea others lives and where they are at.  I do my very best not to make the conversation about my woes but their highlights, I have always put my children first, even before hubby, some might say that's not right, but I had to work hard to get them all, been through miscarriages, IVF etc. The eldest 3 have moved out with partners now and 1 married, it's just my youngest (21) who's at home but there are days he needs 24/7 care.  And there are days he's all I stress about, And days I cannot leave my house because of where he's at. We are coming out of a really hard fortnight which has seen 2 x hospital visits and 1 x to our local police station, I won't go into details, but injuries were his arm broken from a moped accident, and other factors from his mental health then escalated the situation with police, they made things so much worse with the things they were saying which caused him to explode.  I am trying to just breathe through it and what the next few months will hold.  There will be another loss of licence, possibly job, fines, legal stuff, court.  Very anxiety inducing for me, This has been a revolving door for us since 17.  He's making bad life choices when his bipolar flares, I call it the pendulum swing, it's about on a 3-4 month cycle I can see it looming, the energy in the house changes, we walk on eggshells, he's triggered by everything, the impulsive & rediculous spending and actions ensue, it culminates in screaming and abusive behaviour, holes in walls, burnouts in cars, in some cases, drinking to excess, ending up in hospital again.  We communicate , offer advice, support financially, emotionally, we have rules, boundaries & are suoer plugged in, it makes little difference it's like he's blind and deaf to any reasoning ; and in some cases it makes him go harder in the wrong self destructing spiral, Very depressing ; hopeless & soul destroying to watch as a parent.  We love him so much.   He's such hard work.  So we are in the eye of the storm right now.  I live day to day, hour to hour.  He consumes most of my awake hours trying to manage him, I am his full time Carer, without any financial help, or emotional either.  No wonder I'm fading fast. As always I try to make my last thoughts positive before I go to sleep :
For me signing off tonight , I am grateful I was able to leave the house to do a leisurely Aldi shop, watched 2 x episodes of below deck, and have just opened up new essential oils and they smell wonderful, i have them in a quiet room and am quietly hoping they help me sleep.  I may do a guided meditation if I'm not asleep I'm an hour.  I made contact with a new peer counseller and have a session booked,  And hv decided to defer my TAFE course, it's too much, the brain is overloaded. My goal tomorrow will be to start a book.  I wish all my fellow night owls some peace tonight.  Thank you to those that have replied to my post perhaps it resonated with you in some small way.  Mumof04 peace out till next post 

Re: Hi, it's been a while

I pretty much think we are in a circle of trust / cone of silence for the Get Smart fans .. you might not be old enough to get the reference. But I am also very new and have had nothing but welcoming comments and support. Even if it’s just a “your doing a good job” which we don’t get told

Re: Mumof04 ... fellow night owls

@Mumof04 I hear how hard this is for you, especially feeling the cycle build up again and having to manage the 'storm' , which must leave you terrified with worry and then having the 'clean up' after. It doesn't leave much for you, but you are making the effort to look after you when ever you can. You have my support here.

Re: Hi, it's been a while - on frienships

Feeling technically challenged today - I could not find where to start a new discussion!!

I have been wondering:

What makes a good friend?

What do you do to be a good friend?

What do you appreciate from others when it comes to friendships?

I am hoping that I can make some new friends and reignite old friendships if possible and I need a bit of a "how to" and a confidence boost at the same time. 

I will really appreciate a few answers, they don't have to be long, just a few thoughts. 

I hope you are all doing well today x

Re: Hi, it's been a while - on frienships

Hey there @AlwaysHappy 

Love these questions, wil anwer below.

But also, if you want to start a new thread head to this link and under neath the big headings 'Lived Experience Forum'  and 'Our stories; you will see a  green button to the right titled 'new discussion'. Just click there and you ca start your own discussion! Smiley Happy I'm not the best with tech either so it took me a while to learn the ropes of the Forums. Always happy to help. Smiley Happy 

What makes a good friend?
I think it was Jim Morrison who aid something a long the lines of 'a true friend is someone who gives you complete freedom to be yourself' and I think I really agree with that. 

 

What do you do to be a good friend?
I check in with my friends reguarly. Communcicate boundaries and my own limitiations honestly. and clearly. I am always down for a laugh. And I like making my friends things and sending them in the mail which always puts a smile on their faces. 

What do you appreciate from others when it comes to friendships?
I appreciate authenticty and vulnerability. And someone who makes their expectations clear. Someone who can ride the wave of my mental health journey and not be scared away. 

I am hoping that I can make some new friends and reignite old friendships if possible and I need a bit of a "how to" and a confidence boost at the same time. 
I think as nerve wracking as it is, telling people you care about them and value them in your life goes a long way in terms if reigniting old friendships. In terms of making new friends I have found joining community things helpful. For example, I have made connections through my local choir. We're not besties or anything but having people to chat to between songs is really nice.


Thanks for such great questions I sometimes thing friendship is more complicated than romantic love. haha. I hope to see your discussion up and running soon so others can more easily contribute! Smiley Happy 
- periwinklepixie



Re: Hi, it's been a while - on frienships

hello and hugs @Smc@chibam@Mumof04@AlwaysHappy@periwinklepixie 

how is everyone today Heart

Re: Hi, it's been a while - on frienships


@Shaz51 wrote:

how is everyone today Heart


Busy. Smiley Indifferent We had a storm here this arvo and I had to pull all our electronics. So now I'm trying to get all my afternoon stuff done quick smart in the evening.

 

Still, I shouldn't complain. The weather passed without doing any dammage to our property. I gather that some other suburbs weren't so lucky.

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