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Re: Introduction

Hello @Meggle 

 

On Thursday, I went to Geraldton again for medical reasons. Not of concern, just a regular injection that I had not been able to arrange to coincide with the trip on Monday. The trip was pleasant, with lovely weather.

 

Really have to organise myself to change the shock-absorbers on the car though. I have new ones; just a matter of making the time and building effort to change them. Also have new spark plugs and coils to be put in.

 

Went to the usual Saturday gathering, which was also pleasant. Yesterday, Friday, I had another appointment with the counsellor. I am becoming aware that many of the experiences and events that have occurred in my life would be considered, at least disruptive and in many instances, such as to have given me reason to attempt to ignore them, or have dealt with in ways that would be considered maladaptive. Unfortunately, maladaptive ways of dealing with issues are so because they cause problems, concerns, unhelpful and even destructive outcomes.

 

The thoughts and feelings that I have, with regard to the discussions that I have with the counsellor, are that some of the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle are fitting in at last. That is to say, that I am becoming more aware of the meaning of experiences and events and also the reasons for my reactions and responses. This means, I hope, that I can cease trying to ignore, escape or deal with the memories and recollections of those events and experiences in ways that cause or contribute to problems in my present life. It also means that my reactions and responses, to similar events and experiences in the future, can be addressed in ways that are less likely to cause distress, imbalance, or other negative impacts on my life. However, the issues that have been causing me stress and distress are a result of building at least 50 yrs or more of patterns of behaviour. For this reason, it is just as well I have restarted my attempts to deal with them, so I should have just about sorted it out by the time I “drop of the perch.” Oh well, an interesting journey!!

 

I hope that all is well with you and your family. 

 

Since it is nearly midnight,  I think that it's time to bring Kirra into her little night space and tuck myself into bed.

 

With Best Wishes

@HenryX 

Re: Introduction

Hi @HenryX 

Good to hear that you are finally able to deal with some of the things that have been holding you back in your life. Counseling is helpful no matter what your age I think as long as you are ready for the emotions to surface. My gosh you drive to Geraldton a lot. Hopefully the injection works and relieves some pain. I went and visited my friend on the spur of the moment last night. We had dinner together and enjoyed a fire pit. I also borrowed 4 Disney jigsaw puzzles from her. I was in the mood to do a puzzle but my daughter was bored by all the puzzles we own. My friend has a disabled daughter so she owns lots of fun puzzles. I saw my psychologist on Thursday but all we did was relaxation techniques. I taped a 20 minute relaxation which they want me to do a few times before I see them next. They are having this week off on annual leave. I was grateful for an easy session as the sessions the previous few times left me with a lot of residual feelings and really feeling very unsettled for much of the following weeks. Next visit we are doing more relaxation again. I think we are getting close to doing the imagery rescripting though which scares me a bit. I just made an appointment to have my eyes tested on Friday. I need new glasses as these ones are scratched. I never really had them fitted to my face when I bought them due to Covid and they fell off my face and got scratched. Looking forward to getting a couple of new pairs on my health insurance. I hope that you are doing well.

 

love,

Meggle

Re: Introduction

Hello @Meggle 

 

Your reply, this morning, was and is very much appreciated. Thank you.

..........    "    ..........

The trips to Geraldton are, in a sense, a way of relaxing. When speaking with the counsellor about those trips, I described the level of concentration on driving and listening to programs on the radio being a way of divesting myself of the other concerns that I feel and experience, on a day to day basis. It is a very effective distraction. That means, for me, that it is a rewarding activity. Something like the experience of mindfulness in yoga, a walk in the bush, painting as an art form. The exercise component is the activity in getting to and navigating shops, medical environments, etc., that I undertake when in Geraldton. Though, I am still aware that I need more regular and consistent exercise on a daily basis.

..........    "    ..........

While I joke about taking the rest of my life to deal with my perceptions of events and experiences, there is more than simply humour attached to the statement. My thoughts are, that counselling need not only resolve, or change our perceptions of events and experiences from previous periods in our lives. Having, in some way, dealt with and resolved the effects of those past events, experiences and issues, if we continue our life using the same approaches, techniques and behaviours, as we have in the past, before intervention with counselling, we have made static, non-progressive changes and are likely to continue to build up more of the same, or similar negatives in the future. If we can learn from, and in conjunction with the counsellor, acquire and apply methods that are newer to us, better and improved ways of dealing with issues, than we have applied in the past, then we have, at our disposal, dynamic methods, techniques and capacities to better deal with the issues, events and experiences that we will face in the future. In this way we are not only learning how to resolve issues from our past, but learning to receive and practice new and improved ways of dealing with issues in the rest of our future. At times in the future, I believe, that it will be useful to revisit the formal counselling environment, in order to reinforce and update the new methods, and also to acquire the benefit of updated counselling methods, styles and skills. I am progressively becoming aware of the abnormalities in my past and some of the dysfunctional ways by which I have previously dealt with events, experiences and issues in my life, those being all that I knew at any given time. This awareness opens the way for reception of information and improved skills that I can use in future.

..........    "    ..........

I agree with you, regarding your statement,

“Counselling is helpful no matter what your age, I think, as long as we are ready for the emotions to surface.”

Sometimes we need to push ourselves beyond our “normal” comfort zone, in order to challenge our long held and practised methods of perceiving and resolving issues. If we rest in the present, applying only the older ways of thinking, we are unlikely to make any progress in acquiring, developing and using new, better ways of living our lives.

..........    "    ..........

I hope that you will not be offended by my comments, in the next three paragraphs, regarding some of the ways that we use our language.

..........    "    ..........

The comment with regard to your friend's “disabled daughter”, caught my eye, as also, do such notices as , “Disabled Parking”, road signs saying, “log hauling trucks” and a school sign that says, “Beware of children”.

..........    "    ..........

I don't like to think of people being disabled, in a strict sense, meaning that they would be considered to be not functional in any way. I think that if parking is disabled, then it is not able to be used, which is a logical nonsense, unless something is already using the space. I also recognise that a sign saying, “Parking for People with disabilities” may be too cumbersome. Are there suitable alternatives? Also I've never seen a “log hauling trucks”, and I might wonder if the children are dangerous, being the reason we should “beware” of them. It may be (just) semantics and the way we use and sometimes, unconsciously, abuse the use of our language. In some, there is humour to be derived. But when it concerns people, that concerns me, and I would think, you and others also.

..........    "    ..........

To my way of thinking people have disabilities, in the range from sometimes minor, to very significant and serious, but that does not normally or always mean that those people are (totally) disabled or dysfunctional. The signs, “disabled parking” and “log-hauling trucks” make no sense when read literally. The words “beware of...” and “be aware of.....” have very different meanings. I hope that you would be aware, that for me, this is a serious issue about which I have significant concern. That concern is particularly evident when it has a negative effect and can even result in conscious or unconscious support for, and application of, discrimination, prejudice, bias, etc with regard to a person, or people, so described. It causes me concern when our use of language expresses a different meaning to that which we intend. And, in the case of your friend's daughter and other people with disabilities, it can mean that the disability can seem or be interpreted as absolute, as in “disabled person”, and thus diminish their worth as a person and not recognise that their disability is not normally absolute, but simply a part of who they are. I would think that most, if not all of us, has some sort and level of disability. Obviously, I am aware that your use of the term was the way it is most often used in our contemporary vernacular. I have caught myself when using such phrases, and try to avoid using, what I believe, are inappropriate references, particularly when used with regard to people, despite the common and widespread usages of such terminology. Unless we discuss these uses and meanings, we run the risk of our own use of language being interpreted in ways very different to what we had intended.

..........    "    ..........

It sounds like your psychologist is aware of the difficulties that you have in addressing various issues. The reference to, and inclusion of relaxation techniques, I think, will be useful on a day to day basis as well as use in connection to the reasons for counselling. I think that I have mentioned before that the counsellor with whom I speak, suggested, as I go through the process with her, that I am likely to have memories, recollections, reactions and responses that I have avoided actually recognising, acknowledging and feeling for quite some time, possibly never after certain events. Therefore, I am not surprised by your comment,

“......the previous few times left me with a lot of residual feelings and really feeling very unsettled for much of the following weeks.”

That sounds very much like what it was suggested that I be prepared for. In fact, that is what has happened for me. But, there is also a sense, almost of relief in the fact, that I am 'at last', or again attempting to address, not only my own sense of the original events and experiences, but also my un-developed, unguided, often maladaptive ways that I have used, with regard to dealing with the original events and experiences. But also, the fact that I have applied those same methods, styles and processes to other subsequent events and experiences, with often times, negative or less productive outcomes than those for which I would otherwise have desired, hoped or wished.

..........    "    ..........

As a side issue, I, like you, have had diminished and made light of, by both my father and brother, my experience of certain events, even though one was, or both were present and to a degree (young age, in the case of my brother) involved at the time. My brother has also reacted to other events at which he was not present, but was told another person's view of the situation, that he has accepted as true in every respect. He 'told' me the story, that was very different from my own recollection of the experience. He accompanied the story with judgemental inference against me and that it was I who was in the wrong. I have also been aware of his use of that same technique of diminishing and minimising the characteristics of subsequent events. So he, in his own way, has developed maladaptive and unbending ways of responding to life events, particularly those by which he has not been directly affected. In those that he has been affected, he is normally self-portrayed as the victim.

..........    "    ..........

I do believe that it would be helpful, as far as possible to not anticipate the topics of future sessions. Doing so may build up resistance to the effective discussion of issues and application of whatever methods and approaches that may be suggested by the counsellor.

..........    "    ..........

From your description of the sessions to date, it appears to me that your psychologist is aware that you are committed to undertaking the therapy in a full and meaningful manner. I would also believe, that the fact that your husband, having accompanied you to at least one session, further reinforces their awareness of the existence of that commitment by you. As we have discussed before, his support for you is, in this way, assured to them. The way that you have engaged in, and the varying responses that you have expressed, in your comments to me, appear to be very realistic and consistent.

..........    "    ..........

In our discussion, on Friday, my counsellor “demonstrated” the use of a technique for bringing clients back to the present, from which I may have appeared to separate myself, at the time. Dissociation, is not a word that I like very much, either because I have not understood it and its presence, or possibly, because I think that it is diminished in value through over-use. However, that was the word used by the counsellor, with regard to the “demonstration”. I think that, in some way, that it was a real application, rather than just a “demonstration”. I endeavour to be open, present and attentive during our discussions, however, I do believe that there are times that I have tended to mentally 'wander off', avoid or separate myself mentally from the “place where my body is”.

..........    "    ..........

It really surprises me that there are so many events that you and I each have in common. I have just recently had an email note that I am due for an eye check. I also want to purchase new glasses, partly for spare, in case of loss or breakage, and I want to get a pair of multi-focal glasses, mainly for driving at night. I already have prescription sunglasses for summer day-time driving.

..........    "    ..........

It is just past 4.30 pm, so I will close for now, Meg

With My best Wishes

@HenryX

Re: Introduction

Hello @Meggle 

 

Thank you for your "Support"s that you have given to some of my recent posts.

 

Everything is rolling along for me, not really very different, but certainly not, at this stage, getting any worse. Thankfully!! On Saturday, I went with friends to a gathering in a town about 100km north of where I live. On the way back we detoured to look at some wreath flowers that were in a location along the side of the road. It was as if they had been sown in a garden. While I didn't count them, I believe that there must have been a few hundred of them. It is the first time that I have seen them, other than in photographs. We enjoyed the drive.

 

I haven't been doing anything really exciting. In a sense I am looking forward to progressing with the things I need to do in the garden and the house this week. Kirra is well, lovely as ever.

 

Have the study group at 9.00 tomorrow morning, singing on Tuesday evening and Thursday morning and counsellor appointment on Thursday afternoon. That's what is planned so far.

 

I hope that you and your family are well.

 

With My Best Wishes

@HenryX 

Re: Introduction

Hi @Meggle 

 

I was chasing information on PTSD and came across a video that you might find some value in watching. The lifestyles are probably different. However, the principles being discussed and the issue being addressed may have some connection. The topic is sensitive, but may have some meaning for you. I have left the introduction so that you will know whether you may wish to watch the video. It does cut off fairly abruptly at the end, but I hope that It may be of interest and useful for you.

The video is at <https://youtu.be/nZLD9z6_bFI>

 

With My Best Wishes

@HenryX 

It was only as an adult that Gina sought help for the sexual abuse she had experienced as a child. Cognitive behavioral therapy and medication have helped he...

Re: Introduction

Hello @Meggle 

 

The following message is one that I posted in the "Saturday Soiree" thread, but because I still don't want to tag you in other threads against your wishes, I have posted it here in your thread. It gives a little information about where I think that I am at.

 

I am pleased that you have been active in various other threads on the forum. My main concern is not to intrude too much in your space, or at all, if that is your wish. However, I do hope that you will not mind me posting comments to you from time to time. You and I have corresponded at a very personal level. Sometimes that level of connection can leave us feeling vulnerable and "exposed" and I hope that my occasional comments reassure you, that I think of you and what I know about your family very positively, each time that I come here to correspond with members of the forum.

 

The copied message, that I posted with minor alterations last night, on the other thread, reads as follows:

 

"It is nearly 8.00 pm, here in Western Australia and, I guess, nearly 11.00 pm in the "Far Eastern States". Greetings to all, for what remains of today and the wish that tomorrow will be pleasant for everyone also.

 

I have been, successfully I think, working through some issues with the assistance of a counsellor. In the process I am getting to know more about the psychological, theoretical and technical issues relating to childhood abuse, experience of traumatising events and (C)PTSD. All a 'can of worms', but gradually drawing some sense from it all, and through that process, working towards reaching a better place.

 

While I've referred to the psychological, theoretical and technical aspects, and wishing to avoid the risk of sounding as though I have again "intellectualised" the experiences and results or outcomes, {a valid and objective observation, recently offered, in a friendly way} the learning process is leading me to understand more than those aspects, so that I can translate the theoretical into a better understanding of the personal, emotional and learned, adopted and adapted beliefs that I have developed and held as a result of those experiences. Those beliefs and other effects have themselves, contributed to a significant degree, to subsequent relationship, employment and personal dislocations and strife in my life. These are among the reasons that I again sought the assistance of a counsellor, since I did not want the possible alternatives, including dissolving into meaninglessness and other possible outcomes that result from despair, in one way or another, to occur during my remaining years.

 

So, the prospect of an improved and hopefully, more meaningful future, is something that I am working toward and to which I am able to look forward with positive anticipation."

 

With My best Wishes

@HenryX 

 

Re: Introduction

Hi @HenryX 💜

Re: Introduction

Hello dear @HenryX 

Sorry I have not been around much lately and I haven't found the time to watch your ptsd video. I have been distracted this month with my walking. So far I have walked 58 kms out of my goal of 100 kms for the month. This is pretty remarkable as I am usually very sedentary. My feet hurt and I feel like I am 100 years old but the Black Dog Institute is a great cause to be walking for. I did it last year too although at this stage I am not sure that I will put my hand up for it again next year. I am so unfit! I have a 10 km walk planned on the 27th of this month with my mental health organisation so I just hope that I can manage that. I think that's going to be a real push. Anyway how are you doing? I see that you are still working hard with your counseling and making some good insights. I do worry as I gather others may have said that you over intellectualise though and don't feel it enough. I am still seeing my psychologist as well although we had today off as they were sick. I don't know why but I was disappointed when I got the call from the clinic. My psychology sessions are not really something that I look forward to so I can't put a finger on my feelings of melancholy. How are you doing with getting around town? Did you fix your bicycle? Anyway wishing you love and light.

 

Your friend,

Meggle

Re: Introduction

Hello @Meggle 

 

When I received your message yesterday I had taken medication that causes me to get sleepy. I was sure that I had written a note to explain. However, I cannot see it on your thread. Maybe it went somewhere else or it will come up after I post this.

 

Today I have a full day, including going to get my 2nd covid vax, so I will be out for most of the day. Assuming I am feeling ok, I will respond properly this evening. If not, tomorrow.

 

I have set up a thread called "Henry's Landing Strip and Hangar" that, If you would like to have a look, there is some description of my childhood, mainly in Brisbane. I hope that you might find it interesting.

 

For Now, Best Wishes

@HenryX 

Re: Introduction

Hello @Meggle

 

Well, I have responded to your party suggestion and am really pleased about the idea. Actually I am very pleased that the thread has been so well received and visited. Fat chance of privacy there.😊

"

Sometimes, I think that I have so little contact with other members on the forum. On the other hand, I am at the computer for quite some time each day. I am aware, that what I write takes quite a bit of time. I also proof-read everything and even go back and edit posts for improved clarity and added information. I'm not much into chit chat, or single line responses. Of that, I am definitely sure that you are aware. If I say something, I want what I say to be meaningful, both for the person with whom I am speaking, as well as any other person who may view the post.

"

I'm really talking with you as a friend, so I am aware that you know what I am saying.

"

I'm pleased that you are doing so well with your walking/fund raising. Your efforts both for yourself and the Black Dog Institute are commendable and the Institute, is indeed, a worthwhile cause. Your comment about feeling like a 100 years old, is something with which I can very much understand and identify. Unfortunately, I have an issue with excess weight, which is contributing to my back issues, and the pain from my back contributes to my lack of exercise. So it is a circular argument. Back-pain-weight, weight-back-pain and so on. Various medications add their bit in also. I really have to do two things this summer, swimming and cycling. As I think that you are aware, I do have difficulty walking, but pool and cycling are no problem. Sorry, sounds like I am whinging. I've just got to get into both of them.

"

I will be encouraging you as much as I can, from here, towards preparation and completion of the 10 km walk on the 27th of the month, a Wednesday, I believe. Make your preparation progressive and I reckon that you will definitely manage the walk.

"

The “work” that I am doing with the counsellor is progressing well. I am actually doing some research and editing of some partially prepared work, which the counsellor has given me “as homework”. See, she's sussed out that if she asks me to do something for her, it will get done. This is my smiley face 😊.

"

When I am responding to people on the forum, I don't want to just say “I know how you feel” etc, etc, etc. If a person presents an issue and I can give some positive input, I am happy to offer my observations. If I cannot offer anything meaningful, I prefer to say very little, or nothing at all. Some people may see this as intellectualising. However, what I offer, only if it is meaningful, I hope is of assistance to the other person, and also to me in terms of my own understanding and awareness.

"

Heck, I feel it alright. I had to pull off the road this afternoon, in order to recover emotional stability. Listening to an ABC program brought up some serious feelings and emotions. The difference is, that it is not much good me talking about that on the forum, if it does not add anything to the conversation. I tell you here, now, because we have discussed issues that have given us the foundation of mutual knowledge and awareness of each others feelings.

"

One of the people with whom I have 'spoken' in the last few days, has posted a lovely detailed response to my observations, which were offered, by me, in equal detail. In that situation, I needed more information than was initially given, in order to offer meaningful suggestions. But, to my way of thinking, if my presence is going to be purposeful, I cannot offer one line responses to complex situations. I am also aware that I need to be very careful, about the content and the way that I offer suggestions and information.

"

It is also the case, that no-one has to read what I offer. They can see my avatar and think: “another one of Henry's books”, and move on to the next post. However, there are a number of people who have actually been angry about observations I have made, or the way that I have written something. In a number of situations they have gone to my profile, expecting their perceptions to be confirmed and the reason for their anger substantiated, and found that I speak specifically to what other members have first posted. Some have actually come back and supported later observations that I have offered.

"

With regard to your psych. app'ts, it is interesting that you were disappointed that your appointment had to be rearranged. Sometimes, I believe, that on the surface, we may not like something, like a psych. app't, but we can still recognise that there is “value” for us in the process. Even a temporary change can cause us to feel disappointed. Maybe part of the reason for feelings of melancholy.

"

There you go!! I've written another book. 😁

 

Best Wishes from Your Friend

@HenryX

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