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Paul5
Casual Contributor

Not sure where to turn next.

Our 20yr old daughter has confirmed/medicated anxiety and depression. She also has suspected Bi-Polar. Straight out of school, she had a very short, but extremely abusive relationship (sexual and physical) that appears to have manifested in PTSD & BPD(?).

 

This relationship introduced her to drugs and this has exacerbated this issue. Though it's only pot, this appears to add to the struggles with her mental health. She wants the best for herself and keeps quitting, but she always seems to return to pot smoking.

 

We are a solid and loving family unit (also with one other daughter). My wife and I have been trying to manage this for over two years but it's not getting any easier. I've had to repair many holes punched in walls and a smashed bedroom window, and when she has an episode she is practically uncontrollable - to the point where several abulance/police attendances led to to the last occurance where she ended up restrained & 3 days on a psychological ward.

 

She often self harms and her arms and legs are horribly scarred for life.

 

The violent outbursts are then followed by her 'rocking', inconsolably, on the floor, before turning to the most heart wrenching pleas for her to be allowed to take her own life, how she'll never get better, or how we'd all be better off without.

 

We are devastated when she talks like this. To see her crying and pleading to be released from her torment brings us to tears ourselves. I often have to sit with her, for hours, re-assuring her that Mum and Dad love her to bits and that we want to make her better. Telling her we don't want her to go. That we love her to bits and that we'd be destroyed if she went.

 

She's not getting any better. Her work life (Dental Assistant) is being impacted and she seems to find it harder and harder to function as normal - getting up late, going to bed late, not eating, heavy caffiene intake, arguing with her sister for no real reason, etc...

 

Her mental health specialist appointments aren't improving things. The multiple medications, while appearing to reduce the impact of her depression and anxiety, seem to be no help with preventing these psychotic episodes, self harm and suicidal breakdowns.

 

Her sister, witnessing this for the last two years, recently lost a lot of weight, refuses to eat and she has been hospitlised for Anorexia. She also has a milder anxiety and is suffering with non-epileptic seizures.

 

While my dear wife and I are battling hard to stay strong and fight our hardest for our two beautiful daughters, but we really don't know which way to turn next...

 

Please. Help.

11 REPLIES 11

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

Hi @Paul5, I'm sorry to hear about the difficult situation you find yourself in with your daughters. I'm hearing your despair and longing to be able to help. It can be hard to know what to say or do. It also sounds like it's having quite the impact on you and your family. Don't forget that there is support available for you as well- you can call Lifeline (13 11 14) or Sane also has a Help Centre you can access. Please take care of yourself and feel free to keep posting here on the Forums. We'll be here to ride with you as you navigate this rough road. 

 

TideisTurning 😊

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

Hi @Paul5 @I am so sorry to hear of your struggles and those of your girls. I can only sympathise with your situation as I know it too well. I wish there was a quick fix but sadly not. Hospitalisation has been the only alternative for my daughter, in and out over the past 9 years, becoming relatively stable in between but then the wheels fall off and is hospitalised again. Sadly it is not something that we as parents can fix. My girl is now 26 and this time around has been in hospital since September with a tentative release in late January, only if her state of mind improves. My saving grace is knowing she is safe and being well cared for and receiving the treatment she needs and it may sound selfish, but my husband and I get to breathe. I am assuming you have raised your concerns with her doctor regarding the ongoing irrational behaviour despite the meds she is on? It's heartbreaking and devastating for all concerned but perhaps hospitalisation may be what she needs. 

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

wow mum and dad that was harsh to read, if in anyway i can help i will and can , i have 3 children of my own. an ear a time to visit anything you guyz need

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

OH my Goodness you are going through so so much right now I hope you get the support for you and your family that you all deserve especially in the lead up to Christmas,sending you and your family strength and Hugs for the issues your dealing withSmiley Sad Heart

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

I don't have any answers I'm sorry but I just want you to know you are not alone. My teen 17 is very similar and was admitted to hospital yesterday for attempting to take his life. No one seems to know how to help him. It's absolutely devastating. I hope and pray your daughter gets the help she needs and you and your family can stay strong through this.  

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

Hi @Paul5 

 

I just wanted to reach out and welcome you to the forums Smiley Happy

 

I'm so sorry to hear about what is happening for you and your family. I can only imagine the utter anguish and torment of watching your daughters in such pain and feeling powerless to know how to ease this for them Smiley Sad

 

It sounds as though you have all been battling for such a long time and I can only imagine how utterly weary and desperate you may feel Smiley Sad

 

I'm so sorry to read that your daughter has experienced some significant trauma. Given the correlation between trauma and her lived experiences of mental health issues and substance use, I just wondered if she has received any psychological care specifically in relation to the trauma that she has experienced?

 

Although we can't recommend specific Therapists on the forum, if you felt that this was appropriate and something that your daughter was interested in and agreeable to, The Australian Psychological Society (APS) has a comprehensive website that enables you to search for a Psychologist who specialises in trauma and the mental health issues that your daughter is currently living with. If you were interested in following this up, their website is: www.psychology.org.au

 

If your daughter is interested in participating in private therapy, she may be eligible to receive a Mental Health Care Plan, which will support her with some of the costs associated with this.

 

Basically, the Mental Health Care Plan enables patients to receive a total of 10 subsidised appointments (through Medicare) with a Psychologist (or another approved mental health professional) per calendar year. If your daughter felt that this was something that may be helpful for her, she could schedule an appointment with her GP (a longer appointment will be needed) so that they can complete this with her Smiley Happy

 

Another organisation that may be helpful for you is 1800Respect. Basically, qualified counsellors provide information, counselling and support for people, their family and friends who have been impacted by sexual assault, domestic and family violence and abuse.

 

You can contact 1800Respect 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

 

Their contact number is 1800 737 732 and their website is www.1800respect.org.au

 

You also mentioned that your other daughter has a lived experience of anorexia and required hospital care.

 

I'm not too sure if she is currently participating in therapy (or receiving any other professional care and support) but I just wondered if you have heard of the Butterfly Foundation?

 

They are a national service for anyone concerned about eating disorders or body image issues, including family and friends.

 

One of the services that they provide is the Butterfly National Helpline. The Helpline is staffed by qualified counsellors, who have completed specialised training in eating disorders and body image issues.

 

As such, they can provide telephone and online counselling, information and referrals and may be able to offer you some guidance and direction.

 

They also provide several online groups for people who are living with an eating disorder and body image issues, their family and friends. 

 

If you felt comfortable, you could contact them on 1800 33 4673.

 

The Helpline operates from 8.00am until midnight 7 days a week (AEST).

 

I've contacted them in the past when I was feeling really overwhelmed and I've always had a very positive experience. Having said that, this service is often in very high demand and so it's difficult to get through - but keep trying Smiley Happy You can always leave a voicemail or forward them an email so that a counsellor can reach back to you as soon as possible. 

 

You may also like to have a look at their website: www.butterfly.org.au

 

I also wondered if your daughter has a GP who she felt comfortable talking with? If she did, she could ask them if she is eligible to receive support through an Eating Disorder Plan (EDP). This plan is designed especially for eligible patients living with an eating disorder. 

 

Basically, it enables them to receive a Medicate rebate for up to 40 sessions of evidence based psychological treatment in a 12 month period and up to 20 dietetic services with an Accredited Practicing Dietician also in a 12 month period.

 

I wasn't too sure what may be of the most help for you and so I've just tried to guess based on what you have shared Smiley Happy If I've missed the mark, or there is something in particular that may be more helpful for you at this time, please reach back Smiley Happy

 

If you place @ in front of a members name, they will receive a notification that you have contacted them Smiley Happy

 

I hope this helps a little ...

 

Take care,

 

ShiningStar Heart

 

 

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

 

@Paul5 

I hear you and I can understand you're not sure where to turn to next. First off, I think you're doing an amazing job, helping both your daughters. 

 

I'm in my 40's now, and I can relate to how your daughter is feeling, and reflecting back, I try to think what might have helped me. I think your daughter needs to find herself, and I think the best help-she will receive, is from her family. What occured in her past- is not her fault, and she is probably carrying a lot of shame. And the first step is to learn to raise above the shame. Its not easy growing up and finding your way in the world. It sad to see someone in such distress because she is hurting herself by her behaviour and she is probably too young to understand this. We continue to learn through life and hopefully we don't have to learn life lessons the hard way.

 

I often think we turn to health professionals too often and I think the people that can help us the most are our loved ones. Your daughter is still very young and hopefully she matures with time. But  there is a big butt- you don't want this to escalate any further too. I would pick a time, when she is more ready to listen, and receptive to what you have to say, and try to ask her what she needs or what might help her. This may take time because she may not even know what she needs or what might help her. Is it possible to take her on a road trip and just spend time with her and help her find herself. She obviously needs someone in her corner and a soft place for her to fall. 

 

I always thought the key to moving forward is education and empowering ourselves by learning new skills. It sounds like her behaviour is quite reactive to her emotions and past trauma. I do know of a very good treatment facility in Sydney and its only avialable in NSW. It may help her or they maybe able to advise you want to do. The hospital is on the Northern beaches in Sydney and is based on the Meadows treatment in United States. 

 

I hope this helps a little. Take Care

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

Thanks very much for taking your time to write such a detailed reply. It sincerely helps to know there are people listening. I'll go through your post again tonight, once I'm home. 

 

The last 3 days have been utter choas with my eldest daughter having psychotic epidodes each evening. It really is exhausting.

 

Since my first post, we've been in touch with some local mental health experts but the waiting list is long. We have a preliminary booking for mid-December but have already been informed that they may not be able to help with such a case. They recommended hospitalisation if she continues to express her desire. The problem is she wont go to hospital again (voluntarily) so I don't know how we go about getting her to go - other than calling the abulance again.

 

My wife spoke with our family doctor again yesterday and she's looking at options. At the moment there just doesn't appear to be any joined up plan or direction, so it's adding to the frustration of looking for help/treatment.

 

Our other daughter is attending ongoing bi-weekly sessions with Camhs and, though she is still battling, has been doing well recently. She has regained some weight. The problem we have is that she relapses when her sister has these self-destructive episodes.

 

Thanks, as well, to the other respondants, I'll try and reply in due course..

Re: Not sure where to turn next.

Very much appreciate your reply. Thank you.

 

We are in South Sydney, but we're willing to consider all options. No matter the location. 

 

While, technically, she's an adult and we can't force her to do anything, we will do whatever we can help her get better. Hopefully she'll be calmer in the coming days and I can explain some of the options the above replies are suggesting.

 

Thanks again.

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