If no one wants to share expereinces of times when assertiveness communication has been helpful or used in their lives, I can share some tips on how to implement these communication skills in your discussions.
- Use "..I.." statements such as "..I feel "x"....when....". This way of communicating allows you to express your feelings in a particualr situation and allows the other person to understand your perspective
- Speak in a relaxed and calm but firm tone of voice
- Use open body language-often in times of conflict we can do things with our bodies such as putting our hands on our hips or crossing our arms which can be percieved as closing ourselves off are defensive. Being more mindful of having open body language can assist. Remember much of communication is not made up of the words we say but the non-verbal aspect of communication being body langague and tone of voice. These things are important for effective communication and conflict management.
- Lastly is listening to the other person. I know this sounds simple...but honestly it is hard sometimes to really listen to the other person and really HEAR what they are saying. Often we are thinking about the next thing we can say to defend ourselves or disagree with what the other person is saying. If you listen to the other persons needs, thoughts, feelings and expectations and validate what they have said, you can then have your turn to respond.
Conflict is not about "winning" the dicussion or being "right". It is about working together to find a resolution to the issue and can make your relationship stronger.
Assertiveness skills really take some work and practice. A good tool to assist you in developing these skills if this is an area you feel you could use some practice in is available on the following website:
http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=51
