Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Rae]

Hi, I am new to the forum and have been reading postings. My partner was recently admitted to a private facility for various issues..but primarily severe depression. I have tried to support him for many years but it seems that was not enough. Four weeks in and he has been evasive and does not want me to come and visit.. he is pulling away.. I feel lost and not sure what the future holds. He has made new friends in the hospital who probably relate to his current situation, I need help and want to know what support groups would be best.. thank you

[NiteKat]

Hi Rae

I'm NIteKat, one of the moderators overnight. 

Thanks for getting in touch with the forum and sharing where youre at emotionally right now - trying to process whats happening.

You may have noticed, there is some wonderful help here and plenty of lived wisdom and experience. I'm sure you will be given some good advice and support in general.

Welcome 

[Rae]

Thank you, I have read some posts about infidelity and bipolar... that is my husbands situation also. I think he has connected with someone in the hospital ... it's too much to take in all at once.. I am so lost. His diagnosis is new .. but he has a family history and deep down I thought I could fix him.. but I can't 😔

[Owlunar]

Hi @Rae

People to change when they have therapy - I think it would be a good idea for you to have some support too

Also - when people are in private hospitals they do get close to the other people there - this can have various outcomes

Everything must be very confusing for you right now but one thing is true - you can't fix him - he has to fix himself and he has to want to get better

I do wish you the best

Dec

[Rae]

Thank you it means a lot to share my situation, I can't talk to anyone about it.. I have protected him for 25 years .. have tried to shelter my kids.. protect my husbands credibility and now I feel lost, vulnerable and scared for what the future holds.. he was my best friend

[utopia]

@Rae. I formed close friendships while in hospital. For me it was great to talk with people who have the same experience as me. But I still have my outside family and friends. They try to help, but that often pushes me further away from them. Every time my mum tells me what I SHOULD be doing - to get better - not fall down again - it simply reenforces what a failure I feel I am. I know what I need to do. Telling me - just adds to my negative self talk.
I wonder if it's possible for you to ask to have a family therapy session with his treating psychiatrist - just you and hubby - talking. This might open the lines of communication open a bit more.
I wish you luck. Unfortunately there us no easy fixes here.

[Rae]

Thank you, I do catch myself when I think I know the answers, taking and releasing control is a difficult balance, knowing how to nurture and not smother is a difficult process for any mother no matter the circumstance. Knowing what to do shows strength and resolve.. that is not failure .. it is something to be proud of. When someone tells you what to do and you know what is right for you, know that is coming from love, take that and and say to yourself, they love me and feel that in your heart ❤️

[NikNik]

Hi @Rae

Welcome to the Forums - I'm really glad you found this community!

I hope you don't mind, but I moved your discussion over to the Carers Forum, as there have been many people within this community who have been in a similar situation. They may have some additional advice and support on top of the great responses @Owlunar & @utopia provided.

Take care.

[Appleblossom]

There are many reasons someone might pull away in a MH crisis.  If infidelity is likely you need to protect yourself more than him.

I protected a man's credibility who had serious MI. A family is a life's commitment and work. I have no idea what your partner thinks or does, but GET SUPPORT FOR YOU.  He has enough.

Most hospital facilities will refer close relatives to a CARER group.  Whilst still in a caring role you might get some insight in the best way to approach things for yourself.Talk to the hospital as well as him.

The immediate feeling of closeness and identification with other patients can also be temporary and problematic long term ... or it might not ... all depends on individuals.

Good Luck.

[Rae]

Thank you, I do need support, he definitely is in the right place to get the support he needs and this makes me feel secure. The more I am away from him the stronger I feel. I feel that the hospital is more concerned about the program then in addressing the behaviours.. although I am not there.. so I wouldn't know. I just need to protect my family now and see what the future holds. One day at a time 😊