Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[theos]

Hi,
Am a volunteer carer for a woman for the past 16 years and also a carer for another woman for the past 9 years which is still ongoing for both and has been a very hard road to navigate all these years but have seemed to manage until the last few months hence me finding this forum to ask for advice as I can't seem to get the carouge to see a phycologist so what has been happening I get the sudden urge to cry for no apparent reason but what seems to trigger it off is a song on the radio or just a thought or memory from my past and the crying episode can last for up to 20min or longer . any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Theos

[marchhare]

Hi theos,

It is Marchhare here. One of the forum moderators. Welcome to the SANE forums. It sounds as if you have been through a lot over many years in your work as a carer. I am sorry to hear that songs and memories are triggering sad feelings. I am sure you will find support and advice here.. 

[theos]

Thank you.

[greenpea]

@theos Hi theos

I think it is so important for carers to look after themselves. You were saying you have been caring on a voluntary basis for two women for all that time. I think you are a star. You should give yourself a pat on the back. Not many people would do that not even for family members ...

Do you have time set aside for yourself? Do you work through an agency? If you work through an agency they really have to know what is happening to you... you cannot care for people if you are not caring for yourself first.

My honest advice is to be a bit selfish here and look into what is causing your to feel these emotions. Is it your volunteer work or something else that is happening in your life...

Time you need to look after yourself and see your gp and be honest with him/her and perhaps get a referral to a psychologist. You can get 10 free sessions, I think they are called BOMH packages. So make use of them.

Take care and let us all know how you are going.

[Shaz51]

Hello @theos and welcome to the forum 

You said the you have seemed to manage until the last few months ,---- it sounds like you have carer`s fatique which I have on and off over the years helping my husband who has MI and also caring for my mum who is 86 and frail and have 4 step children who are adults now

I find getting the balnce between self care and caring for others hard for me , I start ok and then with everything , i reach a point where i start crying

I have found the forum helpful for information , just talking  to others , and at home I find doing little self care for myself , like word games, have a cuppa outside , ect

can I ask what did you do to manage before ?? what things do you like doing ??

[theos]

Hi Greenpea
Thanks for your reply I am not through a agency these two woman came into my life just by chance on some unfortunate circumstances and have been looking after them every day pretty much from day one physically and financially and have had to give up and sell my hobbies which where old cars so yes I have sacrificed everything to look after them and even my health but I don't regret it as they have been dealt a bad hand in there lives mainly due to there mental illnesses so helping them gives me pleasure even though they take it all for granted but its just the way things have worked out and the only time I get to myself is when I go to bed and even that is disrupted on many occasions , I will see how thing go and maybe see a doctor soon but I appreciate your advice thank you .
Theos

[theos]

Hi Shaz51
Thanks for your response I used to work on cars all the time as that was my hobby but for the last 10years I had to give that up as I sold my cars as I was financialy struggling so being a carer has been full time everyday for 16years and has just become routine for me.
So any time I get for myself even if I do nothing is fantastic.

Theos

[Shaz51]

even if I do nothing is fantastic.--- me too @theos 

how are you tonight

[theos]

Just dropped one the girls off to her sisters house to stay the night and am back at her unit to spend some time with her gorgeous dog Belle so all good so far.

Theos

[Shaz51]

that`s good @theos , what kind of dog has she got

Coffee time