Close friend with BPD

[carrotcake1290]

Hello!

I've got a very old close friend who I found out from a third party has BPD. My friend has never disclosed that to me directly and is very secretive at the best of time. We used to live together and were very codependent in a way I was overwhelmed by, but I didn't assert boundaries which was my fault. I moved out earlier this year with my boyfriend and since then we have had some awful fights. She basically wants me to apologise over and over for the betrayal of leaving the house. I tried my best but I did avoid talking to her about it. However I did give 5 months notice of my move. Since then she sometimes will be so sweet, and then others I know she's mad at me again. She's also having serious problems with our other old best friend for similar reasons. She does have a boyfriend but it's a chaotic relationship which I've expressed concerns. I guess my question is, how can I repair our friendship when it's not been honest?

[rav3n]

Hey @carrotcake1290 welcome to the forums!!!

Thanks for sharing your story - seems like you both have gone through a lot, and it looks like finding out her diagnosis has helped you see a different side of things! I don't have personal experience with this, but i do encourage checking out these resources so you can learn more about BDP and how to support someone with the BDP:

• BDP Factsheet
• BDP carer's guide

With any friendship, I think opening a space to have an honest conversation would be a great start point - inviting her for a chat, being an empathetic listener and giving each other a chance to share without judgement, etc. If you feel she's been codependent, perhaps suggesting and placing some boundaries together so you both can respect each others spaces and still feel supported by each other. Also, don't forget to look after yourself too! Please make sure you're getting some self-care and support too - i know that i feel quite overwhelmed after having been discussions with my friends and need time to re-energise, so make sure you make some time to re-energise too 💗

Once again, lovely to have you join our forums, we're here for you.