Am Not Coping

[utopia]

@Zoe7. It's nearly 2am & I have to fall asleep now - or I'll stop making what little sense I have.
@Faith-and-Hope will atay and chat with you through the night. I'm sure she won't be far away.
I'm very grateful that you wrote to me tonight. I appreciate your trust that maybe I could help someway. Not sure if I have. But I do hope there has been a slight lifting of your mood - even just while we have been chatting.
I hope I get a chance to talk to you some more over the weekend.
Am always available.
Sending you a warm hug and gentle thoughts and sleep.
You are not alone @Zoe7. I am here for you.
As are your other friends/family on this site.
Sweet dreams. ♥♥♥♥

[utopia]

Yes @Zoe7. That's what I want you to see in yourself. What others see. What your friend sees. She wouldn't have opened up to you in the first place - unless you created that comfortable space to talk.
Remember that.

[Zoe7]

@utopia I was just thinking exactly the same thing - it's getting really late and you need to sleep 

Thankyou so much for tonight - it really has helped me in so many ways. I really hope your weekend brings with it good news and a reconnection with your friend. I will be around - even if it is to check in to see how you are going and if you have any news. My thoughts are with you and my hopes for a positive outcome as well.

You have definitely helped me tonight - more than you could ever imagine xxx

Sweet dreams to you also 

[Zoe7]

@Faith-and-Hope I hope you are resting up at the moment. I think I might try and get some sleep also. Hope you are feeling better soon 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Wow @Zoe7 ..... that's so lovely to hear .... I actually think it's my mum reflecting through me .... she was a wonderful woman and my time with we was too short .... 😔

I have stopped for dinner here, but for the last few hours I haven't been reviewing forum email notifications .... this one just came through now ....

Give me a little while to read back over your posts and I will see if there is anything I can add .... but @utopia is very similar in outlook to me I think, so perhaps I will only be embellishing what she has already said .... 💕

Back soon .....

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Zoe7 .... 😊💕

I have just caught up, npbut I expect you will be sleeping now, and sleeping is important for your health.

@utopia is so full of pearls of wisdom, I find it hard to add anything significant other than to "second" everything she has said.

Often those who struggle with si or sh tend to be the most sensitive of souls ....  but perhaps needing to develop more self-compassion .... there is usually a very noisy Inner Critic in there somewhere, and whike that part of our personality has its purposes, it needs to npbe kept in balance, like not over-using the salt in cooking.

Being the sensitive soul you are, your compassion is poured out to everyone else, and that does make you someone very worthy of listening to .... some of the most powerful voices on this forum have been where you have .... and there is something about powerful struggles that results in other powerful things, such as compassion, and other inner strengths.

Now that you have identified that edge, steer well clear of it with all your might, and keep telling yourself you can and will become well, no matter how long it takes .... and keep an eye out for special fpgifts along the way.

I consider this forum and the special people in it just such a gift ....

Sleep well @Zoe7 .... rest ... breathe ....

❤️💕

[utopia]

Beautiful words as always @Faith-and-Hope. We jave become a little bit like a tag team over the last few nights, supporting our friends. It'sso good to be in your ccompany.
@Zoe7. Good morning. The sun is shining here in country Victoria. It's going to be a gorgeous day.
I've scrubbed the shower. You don't want to know how bad it was.
I'll do the rest of the bathroom after I come back from shopping. Half day shopping only in country town.
I also have to vacuum sweep and mop the house today. Max did a wee & little Abbey, an accident in the house last night. All cleaned up. But I'll give the floors a good mop over as well.
I think that sounds like my day.
My mum has taken my boy to Melbourne for the Chinese New Year. He really loves his chinese food!
Tonight is also the new moon - which encourages us to put our intentions, wants and needs out into the universe. This us a powerful year of change. But for change to occur - we need to be mindful of what it is we want for our life - & what we want to get rid of.
So be mindful today. And take things slowly. Nothing needs to be rushed today. Sit outside listening to the birds. Watch the leaves move in the breeze. It's a day of great calm.
Yes, I'm a spiritual person without a religious faith. @Faith-and-Hope is religious with a strong faith in her god.
Although we come from different corners - some people would think.
I believe we come from the same corner - that of love. And a belief in others. Compassion and love - can move mountains.
You show that to all of us here at the forum. The most deserving person if this compassion and love - is yourself.
So be kind to yourself today. Ignore self doubt and self hate - tell that negative self talk - to piss off today - it's not wanted. You are busy with self love.♥♥
And I will definitely post and let you know as soon as I hear anything from my friend.
Oh - I have to keep my expectations and nerves in check. And just focus on what I need. Being sure he is ok. And then letting him know - losing contact this way was painful for me. And I don't want 'the disappearing act' to happen again - without letting me know - first.
Will see how I go.
Sending you love.

[Zoe7]

@utopia @Faith-and-Hope

The sun is out here too but it is quite windy - I really hate the wind - triggers too much for me. I think it's best I just stay inside today - maybe try and get some more sleep and ignore the noises around me - and those in my own head. I don't have much energy still to do anything but I am ok.

Last night - and you both keeping me company - really helped me get through and 'stay out of my own head'. I am harder on myself than anyone else could be but it is often the little things that are done or said - that really shouldn't get to me - that can have the biggest effect. My own self-doubts and negative self-talk become increasingly amplified until I just shut down to cope. I hate being in this place but I know that the other side - where I feel all that is going on - is too painful to cope with. So being connected last night really allowed me to focus on something other than my own feelings. 

Writing (or typing) actually helps me 'stay outside of myself' and separate my body and mind to be able to cope better.  Writing comes very easily when I am low - but is more difficult when I am very low and can't motivate myself to do anything. So this would suggest that I am not as bad at the moment as I feel - because I can still write! I know that it became much easier over time last night to respond to your posts - and hopefully I supported you in some of the things I wrote also.

@utopia it is clear that it is very important for you to be able to let your friend know how you feel. I'm not sure if I have said this to you before but I will say it now again anyway: Do what you need to do for yourself to find some peace in your own mind. Whatever the outcome - you will at least know you have done all that you can to let him know exactly how you feel and where you stand. If he is not in a place to accept your amazing friendship, support and compassion then at least you have let him know that it is being offered and always available. (and yes I do need to be able to take my own advice!!!) It really is HIS loss if he is not in a place to keep you in his life 

Sending you all the positive thoughts and love I can find today - and my heartfelt thankyou for helping get through last night 

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Zoe7 @utopia .... 🌷

I have woken up with a night cough ... have finished a lozenge and will go back to sleep for a while now. S2 was up coughing in the next room, so have dosed him up as well.

Enjoy that sunshine.  It's 1deg here right now, expecting a top of 11deg later today.

G'night .... lol ... 😴

[Zoe7]

Sleep well @Faith-and-Hope. Hope you get some relief from your cough really soon and you both start feeling better. Take good care of yourself