Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[greenpea]

@YellowDay fyi if you want to talk to someone just put a @infront of their name and they will get your post 🙂

[YellowDay]

Your therapist sounds very wise. I do try and focus on the good side of my boy, I have supported him in almost all his choices and don't try to control him. I would like to enjoy him more, just relax and kid around but he is very intense and only likes talking about certain things. It is hard to forge a relationship around that, but I try. He's vegan so we used to meet at vegan cafes, and so on.

For myself, I just try very hard to take each day as it comes. It's hard not to think about the past and how it has come to this. It's hard to think of the future, it's not how I imagined my life. I read, draw, write and see friends. Next year I will be studying. Each day is an exercise in pain management. Some days I look forward to the end, just get on and finish because it has all been so hard. Other days are better, but I won't be sorry to leave this world.

(I am safe, so please don't be alarmed)

[Dadcaringalone]

@YellowDay@greenpea@Appleblossom

YellowDay, I have a similar time whenever I discuss anything with my son. He’s extremely intense and I have to be very careful with how I frame any topic we discuss or he just explodes and it’s a complete disaster. I just tried to discuss a topic with him this morning and be a realistic but he just exploded in public and we received the customary stares like we are crazy or something. I sometimes just wish he could calm bloody down and just relax and accept other people’s opinions but I don’t see this happening in my lifetime!

It a pity you are really down at the moment. I know you said not to worry but your comments sound pretty fatalistic. Please take care and do something for yourself that you enjoy! It’s great that you are planning to study. What will you be studying? That’s sounds like something positive you can do for yourself.

Take care and I send you a big virtual hug

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone@YellowDay@Appleblossom and everyone yes I know all about intense ... my pdoc says that my mi was brought about by the stress of having my son when he went through a very violent stage. It contributed to breaking up my marriage, helped to bring about my and my daughters mi. 

As for calming down ... I have found his medication has helped greatly and the fear of gettting into trouble with the police impacts greatly on his behaviour. Not saying that we are free of these moments but they are less then they used to be thank god. Study is great YellowDay. I have plans to get back and do some study as soon as my mi is under better control ... in the mean time I practice Qi gong which is like Tai Chi and walk and go to various mindfullness courses to get my mind back to where it was before the universe exploded on my family.

[Dadcaringalone]

@greenpea @YellowDay

Thats great that you are also considering studying greenpea. I think YellowDay will also enjoy that a great deal. I have studied enough for this lifetime but may do another language. Greenpea, when do you feel your mi will be better under control? I also try mindfulness meditation but find it’s difficult when you are being screamed at by your son. I often find I feel completely emotionally drained from exchanges from my son. He’s very easily influenced by others and then goes off on these random type of manic episodes. I find if he’s very high, not drug induced by high from something else, it’s usually followed by a very low depression. I am sure the medication he’s on is helping some-what but he finds it’s difficult to maintain balance in his life. He then leaves anything that’s too difficult for him to the absolute last minute and I am the one who’s left to deal with the subsequent lows his faces because of putting it off until the last minute.

Sometimes I just feel like being completely selfish like my wife who’s now not living with us anymore but I’m his only carer left and often feel bonded to this role. When it gets too much, I often just completely bail out and have a day or two to myself. This helps for a while but then I’m back into the 24/7 carer life being completely drained all the time. In September I’m starting at a new gym and will try to loose some weight because I feel better about all these challenges when I’m carrying less kg around.

Just had a great salad.

Stay strong and well.

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone@YellowDay@Appleblossom Hi Dadcaringalone when will I feel that my mi is under control .... that is the million dollar question. I am currently seeing a pdoc am on medication (which I loathe because of the weight gain mostly), will be seeing a psych soon and have been doing courses so hopefully with all of that something will give.

I think what you are saying about your son finding it hard to find balance in his life is so true. I find that even though I am doing everything right I still find there is a disturbance best described as a current pulling me here and there under what appears to be still waters.

Good luck with the new gym. I hope it goes well for you and good on you for having a salad in this cold weather. gp. 

[Appleblossom]

Gyms can be great. @Dadcaringalone The regularity and having time out are other bonuses.

@YellowDay @greenpea

I have been thinking of doing more study, but put off til next year.  I need to stabilise current circumstances before adding more weight to my commitments.

Take Care

[Dadcaringalone]

@Appleblossom@YellowDay@greenpea@PeppiPatty

I finally got into the gym after visiting my son every day in the Adult Mental Health Ward. It’s so nice to do something for myself! I have the extra benefit of feeling great after the gym. It’s nice to get the old body working again. This weekend is also for myself as I’m going to a conference on Buddhism and meditation to present my approach for mindfulness meditation of easily observing my bodily feeling continuously to give my mind a rest from all the hard mental lifting associated with caring for my son with a severe mental illness. Think I’m going to spend most of my time in the gym on the treadmill and in the pool. Have a great day everyone.

lots of love Dadcaringalone 

[greenpea]

@Dadcaringalone@YellowDay@Appleblossom and all who pass by wishing everyone a wonderful day. The weather here is warm and sunny with a beautiful blue sky :). Have been for a walk up the road and am considering doing some qigong in a short while. Dadcaringalone wishing you a sucessful conference this weekend. 'Break a leg' as they say in show biz .

[Appleblossom]

Hello   @YellowDay  @greenpea @Dadcaringalone

gym & qigoing sound cool.

I am into the garden today.

Cheers