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what to do, feeling awful

Hi,

 

I'm a newbee here, and the mother of a 18 year old daughter who suffers from PTSD,  gender dysphoria, anxiety and depression. My partner and I have been coping with our daughters depression for the past three years.  She was bullied throughout school and in 2017 she was assautled by another student at school. Soon afterwards she came out as trans. She went into a deep depression and we have had a lot of difficulty gain suport for her transition and her mental health. She sees a private psychologist, but she tends to play down her depression. She has lost contact with many of her friends and is mistrustful of meeting new people. COVID has hit her hard, she was starting to try a few new things at the beginning of the year but has gone backwards.

 

I have found it really hard when she gets into a downward spiral, the smallest thing can set her off into a depression (yesterday it was not having bacon on her hamburger). She is tearful and morose for hours on end. She hasn't been able to go to school today (year 12). It feels like we are going thru a cycle of depression and anxiety for the umptenth time and I have a really hard time coping. I don't know how to help her, and I feel that helpless and sad. I am scared she will take her own life. She says that she will not hurt herself, but I worry constantly.\

 

Any words of advice or guidance would be appreciated. Thanks Kelly 123

8 REPLIES 8
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Re: what to do, feeling awful

@Kelly123  Hey Kelly123 and welcome. My daughter is trans (male to female) came out when she was 16 and takes hormones etc but has decided not to have the operation for a variety of reasons. It was hard at first as our family was going through hell with my autistic son who got diagnosed with schizophrenia at that time and later due to stress I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder ..... anyway the thing is she, my daughter developed chronic depression and that was over 8 years ago now more likely 10 ....  she however now is doing well. She has a ndis package has moved out of home and we talk most days. There is light at the end of the tunnel. If you want to talk some more put a @ in front of my name and I will get a notification of your post. Take care. greenpeax

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Re: what to do, feeling awful

am also struggling with what to do , daughter 20 , severe depression in and out of hospital, drugs don't seem to work, just getting through each day, trying to be present for her without making demands , getting her to psychologist appointment tomorrow but obviously awake myself worrying. Have been thru similar with her older brother and he is managing his life so much better but took till 25, so i know it can get to a point where they can self manage with right psychological help and developing their skills, right now my daughter very stuck and sliding down again, i am working hard at not going down with her, it's definitely been made worse by civic..hang in one day at a time, have to have a good psychologist...

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Re: what to do, feeling awful

 
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Re: what to do, feeling awful

i'm also feeling awful watching my daughter slide down again, but we do have a psychologist and a psychiatrist in place and have got some trust back in the relationship, as she's 20 i'm starting to get a more honest and more adult communication happening, so that checking in about wether she is feeling suicidal is possible, but still so difficult. I'm going to talk to a psychologist for myself again just to work on some more strategies when my daughter was coming home from many months in hospital it was helpful to rehearse conversations with the psychologist, good if you can find one who has immediate practical tips. I think it's all about keeping the communication open but without pestering them, often i'm just sitting in the longeroom watching tv near her room so she knows i'm there, but giving her her pace.

i also have dogs, we had a family dog but got a second when she wS hospitalised at 15, then got another one for same reason this year, so we have 3! Although a lot of work they have been great for both of us, they do t judge and give us a neutral topic of conversation, so if you can manage a pet... or 2 or 3 ...

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Re: what to do, feeling awful

Thanks for your insights, one of the main problems is the lack of services for my daughter in regional Australia. Things have picked up a bit, I just find it so wearing, but good to hear people have found a path out eventually.

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Re: what to do, feeling awful

I'm in the middle of it, it's a roller coaster. just watched a great video on border line personality and self harm which just helped me understand so much.  hard to tell if trauma  based box is it for my daughter or if it is in conjunction with treatment resistant depression,  it listening to  an explanation you a sufferer as well as hearing from experts , learned more in an hour than all the interactions with psychologists and psychiatrists over past years!  was really helpful, was from a link from this site, so the journey goes on, best wishes jay ird20 mother of 2 adult sufferers, and you guessed it many things that work for one of them don't for the other! 

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Re: what to do, feeling awful

 @Kelly123  First I want to say  how sorry I am for your daughter to have gone through these traumatic events. She is lucky to have parents who want to help her through it all.

     I have a transgender son and Dysphoria is horrible for him, he is doing quite well now since being treated properly and on Hormone therapy, Its been almost 3 years so we are pretty well past the initial stages. What state are you in, I may be able to help with good medical support in that area. I am a member of a few great groups on FB but you wouldn't be able to search them as the are secret for security safety reasons.  There is a lot of help available once your surrounded by the right support network.  

Depression and Anxiety are pretty common I think around the age your talking about, theres a lot going on for kids now. but they don't yet have the fully developed brain to process and cope with it all. Both my kids have Depression and Anxiety as well. 

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Re: what to do, feeling awful

Hi Kelly 123

 

I have worked with people who have been trans and there is a great website calle www.transhub.org.au/ and this may help in addition to calling the Gender centre but they are based in Sydney but the may know of regional services also. Their number is (02) 9569 2366. Hope you find a pathway through this with support. There are lots of great sources of information on both sites. Best wishes

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