Friends, Family & Carers Forum

[Gfbrokemyhearr]

I meet the most amazing lady who was so honest about having bipolar right from the start. Sure I noticed some things from time to time. Like how she could start yelling at any point and sometimes I thought it might be overreacting but the yelling was never at me or about me and it was how the rest of her family seemed to communicate. Over the year she became my best friend and I thought she was my soulmate and I had finally found her. We connected and could laugh and be happy from morning to night.

every now and again she would ask for space to clear her head which I was ok with 

we started planning on moving in together and everything was going great. Christmas and new year was great she even said they were the best days of her life.

I knew she was struggling at work because of work load and covid and a new building that work had moved to and I know she has ocd issues with things having to be in the same spot.

the 2 weeks into the year she has nightmares and she cannot even go to work, she went to the doctor who may of changed her meds, I am not sure I collected some script for her but things then happened so quick.

 the nightmare she had were about a person she knew over 20 years ago and she doesn’t even know where they live, but within 3 days she had tracked him down and travelled 4 hours to meet him and spent the night with him.

it doesn’t bother me than he is male and they shared a room because I trust her and the absolute terror on her face when she had the nightmares was something I hadn’t seen before 

upon her return she told me he had invited her to go up to his home another time.

Then she took her kids on a prearranged 3 days holiday which they had a great time

then when they got home the second night she said I love you but I am not in love with you and if I would like to leave. Well I didn’t see it coming and I said I would like to stay the night and then she said would you like to finish watching a tv show we enjoyed together.

since then she has given all my stuff back, said that she just wants to be friends, hasn’t even let me say goodbye to the kids who I got to know really well and know she ignores my texts.

since the break up I thought it might be an episode but her family and friends say it’s not and I don’t know what to do.

i don’t want to walk away from her if it is an episode because she has had a shit life, her sister died when they were young and according to her friend she has a new boyfriend every 6-12 months

she was so honest about bipolar to me that I don’t want to let her down if it is a mental health.

I am just lost she was my best friend and now she won’t even acknowledge me

but when I have talked to her she is smiling and so super confident in life , which I saw at times during our relationship but I also know she can get depressed quickly but change to a happy state just as quick

i am so lost and hurting 

do I walk away or not (I still love her so much)

[Boo13]

Hi,

It must be such a difficult and confusing time for you now.  Take time to look after yourself. 

Boo13

[tyme]

Good Evening @Gfbrokemyhearr ,

I'm sorry to hear how challenging things must be at the moment. I hear your pain and your hurt.

It sounds like so much is going on for the both of you. 

After giving her a bit of a break, do you think you can send her a brief text to tell you you are there for her if she wants to talk?

It seems so unfair that these things happen. We really do not know what is in the mind of others. To me, the hardest part is not knowing what to do - whether to wait or move on. I'm sorry I cannot answer that for you.

As @Boo13 mentioned, for now, it is so important you look after yourself. It's not a quick fix, but going gentle on yourself can go a long way.

Sitting with you,

tyme

[wellwellwellnez]

Falling for people in the MH world is it's own thing all unto itself. It opens up whole new ways to look at love. Its challenging but there's also a reward to it that's just not like any other thing. It makes you feel big, small and everything in between.

It also hurts but that means its working. Pain is strength entering the body. It's a club that one finds oneself in. And, I officially welcome you to it. You may need to find new space for yourself now. Specifically, space for a larger heart.

[greenpea]

@Gfbrokemyhearr  I have bipolar 1 and it is a beast when one is not medicated properly which is what seems to be the problem with your partner. You must look after yourself first and if that means stepping back for awhile then that is what you must do. Love to you greenpea

[AussieRecharger]

@Gfbrokemyhearr 

It sounds like you had wonderful times with this special person. It sucks but you can't force someone to be with you. You can always be there for her though if she wants you to be. 

It's your life too, and you need to evaluate your values and beliefs to decide what you want to do. It might sound silly but if you think about Forest Gump, he waited a long time for Jenny to be ready to be with him, and it was Jenny who was restless and needed to deal with the trauma of her life. While all that happened, Forest build friendships, business's and kept his word to his family.  

What I guess I am trying to say now, is you have someone who does not want you to invest your time in them, is there other relationships in your life that you may want to take some time out to invest in or something you want to do to invest in yourself while you wait and see if this special lady to see how much you really mean to her?

[Gfbrokemyhearr]

So here is an update 

I know she is a wonderful person with a lot of qualities that I was looking for in a partner but she has asked me to be her friend and I told her that I will be and always will be her friend.

I know I am an idiot because not only did the man she ran of to weld to meet while we were together, he has now been staying at her place and she told me they are in love.

i don’t understand a lot of what has happened but I have moved on emotional from her that is something I do know.

I will be her friend in life but I will definitely never even attempt to be her partner.

I have a bad feeling that she is having an episode but her friends and family think all this is normal.

my health and my heart are ok with my decision and I hope she is happy because that is all I ever wanted for her was happiness in her life.

thank you every one for your support I just want to say I meant a lot just knowing that another person was listening to my story

[AussieRecharger]

@Gfbrokemyhearr 

We are listening if you need us.  This time sounds rough but it presents some open doors and opportunities for you.  Take some time for yourself and figure out which the next door you want to walk through. 

[Shaz51]

@Gfbrokemyhearr , I came over to read your story my friend 

Sitting with you too , have a virtual cuppa with you

@tyme @AussieRecharger , @greenpea , @wellwellwellnez 

[tyme]

@Gfbrokemyhearr ,

We're all sitting with you during this difficult time. I'm glad community members have come to join you @AussieRecharger @Shaz51 @greenpea @wellwellwellnez .

Please know you are not alone.

tyme