Topic Tuesday - CLOSED - Is life not going the direction you thought? A discussion about the loss a carer experiences

[NikNik]

Coming up...

Topic Tuesday, 24 March @ 7pm AEDT

Do you remember when the person you care for was diagnosed? Or the first time the person you care for had to go to hospital? Or even the time you just couldn't do what you wanted to do because of your responsibilities as a carer? So many mixed emotions.

One of the emotions that carers often push aside or don't realise they are going through is grief; the sense of loss of a life not going the direction you anticipated for yourself or the person you care for, a change of expectations and dreams, and even a loss of hope.

Topic Tuesday will feature Sarah Coker from SANE Australia, who will share information and offer advice about the loss and grief all carers go through; how to recognise it, strategies to deal with it and how to maintain your sense of hope.

Whether you are just recognising the signs of loss, are currently right in the middle of it, or have been through it and managed it, your contribution, experience and thoughts are encouraged.

Hit the 'Like' button below if you'll be joining us - 7pm AEDT

[CherryBomb]

Good evening everyone,

Welcome to this month's Topic Tuesday. Tonight I'd like to introduce you to @Former-Member from SANE Australia. She has quite a bit of experience working with carers experiencing grief. 

Sarah, one of things @NikNik  mentioned is that sometimes carers might have difficulties recognising that they are experiencing grief. Can you tell me a bit more about this? What are the signs?

[Former-Member]

Hi CherryBomb,

Thanks for having me on the carers forum tonight I'm really excited to be here and to be able to talk about this issue.

For many people thinking about the losses that have come about due to caring for someone with a mental illness is not something they do a lot. Much of the focus when someone first becomes unwell is usually about treatments, diagnosis and trying to navigate the system. Carers are often have their head down and tail up just trying to get through each day. But taking the time to sit back and acknowledge the hard times and the loss of dreams that you had for yourself and the person you care for is really important. Acknowledging grief can help us to understand why we react the way we do and helps us to process what is happening. When we don’t acknowledge grief and push it away, this can effect the relationship we have with people around us and impact on our own mental health too.

[Attahua]

Hi Sara, I find my biggest issue after my partner has had an episode and then spent the next three months in hospital 500 Kms away is I cannot help but feel and get very angry at him( once things have settled and are relatively back to normal) and I do tell him the nasty things he has said and done when unwell despite his family telling me I should never talk about it with him. What are your thoughts?

[Rjb]

Hi first night on a forum, apologies for typos offered at the beginning

[Concerned]

Hi Sane,
Sorry but this is my first forum and I'm not sure how this works?

[Rjb]

My daughter , with anorexia is being very difficult. Staying in bed all day and not eating anything, she is severely restricting her intake and this causes an "eating disorder monster to come out". Verbally bitchy, difficult to be with, angry and unmotivated, nasty!
I try to stay calm, caring and consistent, but at these times she is not living our values and it is hard to like her

[Attahua]

My first forum too so unsure how this works too

[CherryBomb]

It's a pleasure having you on here @Former-Member 

I can see how easy it could be for carers to focus on 'doing' the things that need to get done. There's so much to tackle all at once. As you mentioned, treatments, navigating the mental health system. I think this feeds into experience grief - feeling so busy with having to do things, and thinking that this is what life is going to be like from now. 

Welcome to the discussion @Attahua @Rjb and @Concerned 

@Attahua, I think many carers can feel your frustrations. It's tough feeling like more can be done. What are your thoughts, @Sarah250

@Rjb no worries about the typos! We all make them! 🙂

@Concerned you can write whatever your thoughts are about the discussion that's going on, and we can have an online chat as a group. So feel free to share what you're thinking or if you have any questions, feel free to post them. 

[Former-Member]

Hi Attahua, thanks for your post - it's tough when carers have to deal with really difficult and sometimes hurtful comments or behaviours when the people they care for are unwell. It can feel like a roller coaster that you don't know when will end. This in itself can be very distressing. I think it's important to be honest with your partner about how you are feeling and the effect that his behaviour has on you - although at the same time acknowledging that you understand that is the illness that is causing him to act in that way. It's probably a good idea to have these discussions with his Dr or psychologist so that you can get the opinion of someone who knows your partner well and knows his illness and it's triggers. You may also want to talk to other people who have been through a similar situation so that you can share your frustrations with them.