Thank you for lending an ear, @MJG017
I clash with my Dad. We both have strong personalities. And I'm an adult in my thirties, still living at home. He is my carer because he just retired in March. I'm a full-time worker, usually. It's only my second day at home, and sometimes it's too much.
He doesn't have as high EQ as I would like. Yesterday, I explained the 'fluff concept' to him.
I improvised to make up a visual metaphor:
Sometimes we need to bulk up our argument/message with 'fluff'. To make it more durable/better integrity for the core message...
Imagine that your core message in your communication/what you are trying to assert is the foam core of a good, supportive pillow. If there's no fluff protecting it, your core message could get damaged by external forces. In the case of communication, these forces include defensiveness in the form of 'daggers'. You need the fluff both to bulk up the pillow, to keep the core in shape and to maintain the core's integrity.
Now imagine that there is a lot of fluff in that pillow. It protects the core; even if the defensiveness 'daggers' stab the pillow, the core is protected.
The fluff is the words you use to talk in a roundabout, tactful or diplomatic way when you gently suggest a behavioural change to someone.
You should avoid saying "Don't do x". Especially to an adult child. They react defensively.
Yesterday, this came up. He asked me what were you thinking when...?
And I said "...Don't tell me what to do." The typical child's response to their parents.
He said "So it was rebellion."
I said "Not rebellion, but a natural, defensive reaction to not wanting to be told what to do."
I could tell after describing this metaphor that this discussion was overloading his brain, so I had to stop.
