Re:

[TAB]

I appreciate that @PeppiPatty and have in past/will get there. I meant more like people ok siblings even , picking up the phone or even answering txts ffs Anyway. Learning or trying to be more responsible well to myself. And not trying to buy into no one cares/everyone I am related to hates me. I’ve done them no wrong Honestly I think they fear contact with me thru disdain whatever, think I will try and beg from their millions.. well have done in past and paid back plus eff them. No seriously. Younger two. Go and die or get cancer ffs one of thems kids still humor me re fb msngr but they can all go and get effed sorry. That got me riled. Its like I don’t exist to them

[Owlunar]

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@PeppiPatty wrote:

Dear @Zoe7 

@Darcy @Smc @lapses @Mazarita @Exoplanet @Determined@Appleblossom @Twinklelight @outlander @saturnzoon @Wendie @TAB @plasmo @Sophie1 @Owlunar @Teej @Kurra

@Appleblossom @Dec @Adge  @Maggie @Bubbles3 @Heavenbound

@BambiFawn @Shaz51 @eudemonism @BlueBay @Ant7 @Holly24

It's a journey isn't it. 

I was thinking yesterday that I really always wanted to get to University and do a Sociology course......now I'm doing it and didn't realise it was going to be so difficult but there you go.....I've always wanted to do art and I'm doing it but not in the way I have ever wanted to. 

What did you want to do @Zoe7? I just gave a call out in the local community facebook page for someone to walk my dog and already had two people walking him.....truly grateful.  xxx

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Hi @PeppiPatty

I think I studied (and did what I did) because my father decided I had to leave school when I finished Year 10 (I had my Intermediate Certificate which was pretty good for a girl back in the 1950s)

But I resented it - I was told he had two other children to educate and I would just get married and have babies - and I know my whole life would have been different if I had not left school then - I wanted to study medicine and 

Regardless - I did make my own choices and self-educated - I have not been unhappy that I couldn't make my first choices - I just went a different way in life

I could have become stuck there but I chose not to - my father was self educated too - actually I feel now I did better for myself than if I had been nursed through an education by my family - I did it all myself

Kept going @PeppiPatty

Dec

[PeppiPatty]

Dearest @TAB @Owlunar

@Wendie @Sophie1 @Sophie1

Yeah well @TAB

No one is hating you. Everyone is trying to get through this funny little thing called life. I'm 50 years old, took me till I was 40 to stop EXPECTING people will love me and pay for me. there is a lot of shame there. I think it changed with an elderly lady said to me: " You are always trying to find a deal.." I can't remember the proper words she said but I stopped and that narcissistic shine turned around on me and poked me in the eye.

You need to know, just like me that .........our Mum's or Dad's or families are not as evolved as to see the vulnerable parts of themselves ...the bits that you are becoming aware of.

Yesterday, me and Mr Buddha went to the strip and had a breakfast with our Mum's. My Mum is as usual, ignoring me. Then, when Mr Buddha's Mum went to get her car, she because she was doing all the work at 78 years old..... Mum disappeared then reappeared when Mr Buddha's Mum pulled up to pick all of us up. I was horrified, she didn't even want to spend 5 minutes with me while Mr Buddha's Mum got the car. 

Then I remembered. My Mum was birching about Mr Buddha's 

Mum about what a bad Mum she is and I wrote her a card and told her that she has no right to speak like this.

Hah. 

Who's the better person? Mr Buddha's Mum is absolutely amazing with her 2 very ill children and My Mum just enjoys judging. 

Why would you want to hear from your brothers and sisters? What will they GIVE you that you cannot get yourself or from an activity? 

[PeppiPatty]

Thanks @Owlunar

It's you and Apple that keep me going babe...

How are you ?

@Appleblossom

[TAB]

I was in a bad frame of mind when I wrote that @PeppiPatty but its stuff that bubbles away in background Yes you’re right I need to create my own Life

[Owlunar]

I'm fine thanks PP - 

Last August I tripped and twisted my knee and following that I had an annus horribilis and now it's August again I have made up my mind things will be better

If the Queen can have a really bad year so can I and I am glad it's over

Dec

@PeppiPatty

[PeppiPatty]

@Faith-and-Hope 

@TAB I'm not writing anything but my own journey that I am doing. 

I'm trying to make my own life with that bubble right behind me and when I see my brothers I have little in common with them and the bubbling is there on all of us. 

[PeppiPatty]

@Owlunar 

[Owlunar]

I love those ideas PP

I am really not a gardener - and my daughter did a gardening apprenticeship and is now a horticultural adviser

And I think I have a brown elbow - I do tend to leave my garden to my daughter and itself and it does well enough without my intervention

This afternoon I found I had violets blooming - I love them - they are battling within a host of ground-covering succulents but they are there

We start with turning the soil - I can do that - appreciating the tiny life and knowing Monday means only 4 more days until - what? Yeah - Friday

And there's a Friday in every week

And next month we have a public holiday on a Friday - guess what for - the grand final parade - please not the deliberate lower case letters

Enough said - people like public holidays - I don't mind long weekends - I find short weeks inconvenient

Anyway - all the best

Dec

These aren't mine - mine are loved

@PeppiPatty

[Appleblossom]

It was really  lovely to see your tag. @PeppiPatty

I was feeling glum myself.

I felt like you decribe when I was studying and writing essays.  You have the right idea.  

Laughed.. as I cut and paste a lot old style ...lol

Hope it has been handed in and you are all good.

@TAB  Study years are what they are. I have known a lot of lecturers socially and they all have their foibles. Some are better than others.

I can see Peppy's point, and it is probably the practical thing to do. I really felt your yearning for closer family ties.  I can understand that on many levels.  Millions or none.

Wish it was a better world.