Just checking in.

[CheerBear]

Calling by dropping off a big bucket of ❤ @Teej, @Faith-and-Hope, @Sans911 and anyone who might pass by.

Yesterday was a bit tricky in my world too. My busy brain wanted to run into overwhelmed land and I had to fight to keep that from getting too huge. A few things collided and it gets difficult for me when that happens. One of those things was a smash from the reality bus in that unwell person is looking unwell-er. How unwell will be uncovered soon and for now we don't know and can only hope it isn't as serious as it appears. For them it is a matter of 'when' not 'if' and the news was a hurtful reminder of that yesterday. I struggled with sleep last night and had a visit from one of my oldest friends - insomnia. It seemed he threw himself a big welcome home party after being away for a few days 😏 Lucky I'm well practiced at rolling with caffeine and adrenaline after his all night antics.

Today is a bit bonkers for me. I have the interview, my psych, a littler one returning home and a support worker appointment. I was tempted to cancel the interview thing I've been working on. Plagued with self-doubt, feeling angry that this stuff isn't as easy as it used to be for me, getting frustrated with how much organising and effort day-to-day life with kids involves - it seemed too much and a default 'don't even try' attmpted to kick in. Deep inside I know that if I can push through the scary of stepping outside of my comfort zone, I can do this and do it well. Living with a banana brain and a circus life has worn me down at times but it has also taught me a lot about myself and others and how much we may be capable of if we can keep on keeping on. This adventure is important to me. It's meaningful and purposeful and would be a massive step for me (I think it already is).

*⬆️ That may be me psyching myself up a bit there 👍😉*

@Faith-and-Hope  I am sending you big hugs for the challenges you're facing with Mr. I'm so sorry you are going through what you are. As always, your patience and compassion shine

@Teej  I hope sleep or rest happened for you and you were able to switch off your busy brain last night. So often there are things in your posts and your sharing that I can relate to. With you and here for you (even when I don't look like I'm here). Mega ❤ Random question - do you have Netlfix? I've been watching some shows that have had me thinking of you at times. Ricky Gervais "After Life" is one. I super badly want someone to debrief with

@Sans911❤ to you, just cos. Any chance you have Netflix? 😉

I'm off for the day now, armed with cool shoes (heels 😁) and a secret pair of unicorn socks that only I know are there. Hope there is some good in the day for all 👋

[Sans911]

@CheerBear - all the best for you today. I know it'll be tough,but I'll be thinking of you. 💜 ❤️

[Faith-and-Hope]

Me too ❣️ @CheerBear 

@Teej @Sans911 💜💜

[Faith-and-Hope]

😘💕 @Teej 

On an excursion ..... gotta go ...,

[Teej]

I’m sorry about last night. I did iPad face @Faith-and-Hope . I also had chocolate for company....a whole packet of chocolate biscuits 😱😖🤬. I hope today is ok for you with very interrupted sleep. 

@Sans911  Sorry you had a rough night. Im guessing there may have been a little sh involved. Here if you want to talk about what is going on for you. I have a feeling there is lots. 

@CheerBear . My spidey senses failed yesterday. I hadn’t clicked there was something wrong. I’m sorry for all the big stuff coming at once. It never seems to come by halves for you ☹️, it’s always a double or triple hit. Good luck with the interview 🙏🤞🏻. I also hope news for unwell one is better than expected. It must be hard when you get the reality checks. I’m sorry I don’t watch Netflix hardly at all. I had seen it was a new Ricky Gervais creation. I did watch a bit of gardening Australia podcast 😝, not much help with your request though.

my mood is a bit brighter today but the same issues that have consumed me for the past few weeks are bubbling away underneath.

I also have my brother arrive towards the end of this weekend/early next week. I’m trying to work out how to let him in my world without shame winning and me self sabotaging. S1gf parents coming again too before Easter. I ended up in hospital last time they came too because shame got the better of me. It was a big mess last time and I put my kids through hell (it was the time they were calling the police to look for me 😖). I think that was the last time I sh in a big way so it’s nearly a year. Two birthdays left and then birthday season is over. 

[Teej]

All good @Faith-and-Hope . Have fun 💜🤗

[Zoe7]

Leaving plenty of these 💛🧡💚💙💜 and some of these 💐 for you all @Teej @Faith-and-Hope @Sans911 @CheerBear 

I hope your interview went well CB - look forward to hearing all about it and the rest of your suer busy day when you are able to post.

As always - with you Teej even when I am not 

@Sans911 sending you a little extra love as well and hoping your studies are feeling a little more do-able (but suspect they aren't and you are still beating yourself up over it) Very much been thinking of you Hon 

[Teej]

How did you go @CheerBear ? Only if you up to sharing. I can imagine that there might be lots of things going on at the moment for you. 

[CheerBear]

Another kind of fly by until I can catch up properly. Thanks for the thoughts today @Sans911, @Faith-and-Hope, @Zoe7 and @Teej ❤

I've had a super day today 🙂 The interview felt awesome and aside from a moment of nerves at the start, it was heaps of fun. Again I felt a bit of the old CheerBear come back. It felt so good to be in there and giving it a go and I'm really hopeful that I'll get through (I won't know for a little while but the hardest parts are done). If I don't get through that's OK too as it was great practice and experience.

My psych appointment also went really well. The last couple of sessions psych has mentioned seeing a noticeable shift in the way I'm talking and thinking and today he said that it's the best he's seen me for at least 5 years. Camp kid came back a bubbling ball of talking-a-zillion-words-a-minute excitement, my support worker appointment was well timed as they drove me to the interview and back, and people helped me with kids so I could do it all (I felt part of a little village with that one).

We've taken a surprise trip to well and unwell people's house tonight as they are both having a really rough time. When we arrived I called them from behind a bush in the yard to say I wish we could be there tonight and the kids stood hiding at the front door then knocked while I was on the phone. It was really nice ❤ My bonkers day is continuing but it is a good kind of bonkers at least.

Hope today has had some OK or better in it for all. Looking forward to wandering around later when I'm not doing the in-person social thing.

[Zoe7]

Just a wonderful day for you yesterday @CheerBear Isn't it great when things do fall into place and others can see that we have made real progress - so happy for you 

It is great that your psych can see how well you are actually doing and whilst that does not mean there won't be tough days it does show that you are in a better place to be able to deal with them.

It sounds like Middle had a a great time away - that is awesome news and so good for Middle too 

Your interview also sounds like it went really well - it was wonderful to hear you say you could feel some of the old CB coming back. It has beena really long road for you Hon so any little glimpses of who you used to be are certainly welcomed.

I hope you have a fabulous weekend Hon