Totally get that feeling that when things go 'bang' you think you just need a couple of weeks @CheerBear and much like you that stretched to a couple of years. I have litlle or no idea of what happened in 2017 - basically slept through the whole year and I still find it hard to understand or believe how sick I was. The me now is getting back to the me before post bang but there is still a long way to go to get to a place where I can say I will be okay. Work is a double edged sword right now - I am still loving being back but some days I don't think I can face it - and that is mostly the tiredness coming through again. I am really hoping that I will not fall back into old thoughts - I have felt those creeping in the last couple of weeks. I think, for the most part, I am holding it together at work. Yesterday morning was really tough to get through - all I wanted to do was sleep and I could barely keep my eyes open but I got through the day and managed to get Toby to the vet before I came home and fell asleep. I do feel a bit more awake this morning but I am body weary and will probably sleep again pretty soon - that is also a clear indication that I am not quite right!
I understand your gardening dilemma CB - those associations with our negative exeriences can be quite pronounced. It is sometimes good to expose ourselves to the cause of those associations to help us get through them. Even though it is really tough for you it may also be therapeautic to get back into the veggie garden - a further letting go of some of those difficult thoughts maybe. You will only know if you try and knwoing that there is an inspection due soon may be just the motivation you need to push through. Very much hearing you though on why you haven't been able to get into that part of the garden 
@Teej Thinking of you also Hon and hoping the time with your bro is not as difficult as it has been previously 
@Teej I think that jealous feeling is quite natural when you see others doing what you want to do but haven't quite got there yourself yet - it is not a bad thing though - see it as a desire to want to do more and motivation to try to get there. None of those things come easy and you have been one of the people that have been through a hell of a lot with me over the last couple of years - so we both know how hard it has been. Do not underestimate either the influence you have had on me getting to where I am - your support and that of others has been invaluable - so in a way I am seeing my progress as everyone's here because you have all had a hand in me getting where I am.
Life is a bit tougher for me presently and I love you compaing it to a new born and the phases you go through. I am certainly so much more tired now and it is getting more and more difficult to get through the work day - some of that is the repetition and boredom of doing the same things with the same people but I am still constantly getting thanks from people at work for doing what I am doing and that keeps me going. It is so nice to have such a supportive group of people around me - both at work and here on the forum - those warm fuzzies from everyone are really helping me to feel a lot better about myself despite the very real exhaustion I am feeling. I will bounce back Hon - I believe that - it is just a slump for now and as @Faith-and-Hope has said - likely a backwash of a lot of emotions with a lot of things happening alongside me working. Those things may have pulled me right down in the past but I am getting through them alongside working and that is progress.
You have come so very far yourself @Teej and despite you being hit by some big buses lately you continue to keep going - and seek and receive support - I am truly inspired by you (and have been more a long time) - it takes one amazing person to tackle what you do and yet still get up each day and want more for yourself. Don't stop being you because you is pretty terrific
I agree with @Teej here @CheerBear You too will get there one day but just not at this point in your life. You have done so much in the last couple of months - and dealt with so much - yet you continue to shine - one day you will get there and it will seem even more of a reward for you with everything you have been through. Believe in yourself Hon as we believe in you
@Teej To me you are amazing too Hon - and if I need to remind you of that periodically then that is what I will do
@Faith-and-Hope It is important though that you recognise that you stepping back into study is also helping your family. Your kids are proud of you and you are showing them the way through what is an incredibly difficult situation you are all living within - that is something pretty huge Hon. They can see not only your care for them but your determination to continue moving forward - both of which must ineviatbly be helping them to move forward also. It is true that there may never be a diagnosis for Mr. but you continue to hope and believe that there is a better path forward - and every day you are living that with being sucha shining example to your kids that there is that way forward despite what is going on in everyone's lives. Keep doing what you are doing and continue to have faith and belief that it can and will get better