Hello

[AuntGlow]

Lovely to see you @Appleblossom. 

Wow, this would be such a huge shift for you. It sounds like she has been such a wonderful, consistent support... I am glad to see you reaching out here and connecting with other friends. I think making sure your other supports and connections are accessible will be really helpful. 

Proud of you and all the hard work you have been doing. 💛

[heartathome]

Thanks for sharing @Appleblossom 🤗 It's always so nice to hear from you! I love your babbles! They make a lot of sense to me. Is your support worker going on a holiday break or permanently? I too, think that life imitates a spiral very well. If we're fortunate we're going up instead of down! 🙃

[Appleblossom]

Thanks @AuntGlow @heartathome my support worker has her own health issues to manage and is changing work habits, so she can be more in her family’s business, than doing support work. She will be a loss to the field. She also has been saddened by some of the callousness to NDIS participants. She has carer burnout. My feelings are a little bit mixed. In a way she feels like a daughter, a caring daughter. She is young, but I was able to connect well with her and reclaim my young womanhood with her. 

When I first joined the forum, 10 years ago, I preferred that it was “writing “ and not spoken. Somehow my brain connected better to my fingers than to my mouth. I knew from study and work I could do words, but often I had the mouth open and nothing coming out problem. In the last few years I am much better with my words coming out of my mouth. I actually believe it is partly due to years of singing. It kept that pathway open. I felt able to sing what was permitted and structured for a social purpose. I guess with all the silencing and being institutionalised,  I needed to juggle words a bit, to be able to find the right thing to say. Getting lots of practice, all over the place, these days. lol…

@RebelliousAngel i hope you do feel welcome, you have contributed so much.

i agree with  @avant-garde 

[RebelliousAngel]

Thanks @Appleblossom, I feel very welcome here 🩵

[Appleblossom]

maybe I can learn from your profile name @RebelliousAngel and embrace my inner rebel…it’s funny how groups  communities work. We all influence each other…

@heartathome 

[heartathome]

Hello @Appleblossom You're really going to miss your support worker. She sounds lovely. I'm glad that you got to reclaim your young womanhood with her! 🤗 I find singing a great tool for relaxation and a way to express myself. Many years of smoking, has destroyed my pipes but I still like to sing! It's good to hear that you're getting lots of practice using your voice, these days. 🙃

[AuntGlow]

Oh wow, it sounds like she supported you in so many ways @Appleblossom.

How you're feeling makes sense, it would be vulnerable to say the least. 

I am curious to know if you have other people in your world who help you to feel cared for or bring out your youthful energy?

Hearing you talk about singing being a conduit for your growing expression made me tear up (in the best way!). How amazing that music and creativity has helped you find your voice. 

You express yourself through written word extremely well too. I appreciate you sharing your updates with us - will another support worker be on the horizon at all? 💛

[Appleblossom]

I smoked for 10 years when I was young, but gave it up around kids. @heartathome  Always had a low voice, though some training, so a broad range. 

@AuntGlow maybe I will find someone else, but not looking yet. She also says she doesn’t want to go away completely, so maybe she is thinking of transitioning the nature of our relationship. She said maybe some hour long zooms, or a coffee shop catch up. I am not interested in only zoom. I will leave it in the lap of the gods for the moment.

None of my friends or family are able to really support me, yet, as I seem to have to put a lot of effort in caring for them, as they struggle to even hear my story let alone be able to say something meaningful or caring to me. I have 2 friends who have been decent. I am developing networks in 3 areas, but I don’t have anyone who has been around longer than 4 years. 

I have been walking on eggshells looking after the delicate sensibilities and working hard at friendship for 60 years. So now, they are going to have to deal with my bluntness and the sharpness of my wit, a bit. Maybe that’s how I will sort the wheat from the chaff. Idk. I am tired of putting up with nonsense or being used. I do know when my energy, goodwill or resources are flowing one way too much. Negotiating community and all the different roles is tricky, but maybe that’s my purpose atm, having honest fun on my terms and not selling myself short. Idk. I am fairly clear about paid, formal and unpaid informal relationships. 

“what is support?” Is a big question for me. Not a short answer. I am on NDIS and use it ethically and wisely. All the systems failed my son, so now they have to put up with me. Being treated as mentally deficient or a tenth class citizen is not support. Thank you for noticing and asking me. I think I have enough scaffolding in positive activities to get through next few months, but honestly I am not impressed how much I get played for a fool, so am going to be more demanding and push back a bit in all relationships. I do hope I can strike a reasonable balance for all concerned.

 I had a short walk with a local walking group this morning, and a lovely cuppa. It was very windy out.