Something’s not right
02-06-2020 08:33 AM
My heterosexual fiancé is bisexual and has been cheating on me
I just found out that my heterosexual male fiancé is actually bisexual.
More importantly, I also discovered that he has been cheating on me with other men online by chatting with hordes of strangers, even before we met. Even after we began dating, he continued exchanging nude pictures with men online, engaging in online sexual talk and video-chatting with random strangers as they pleasured themselves. As of yesterday, he was still messaging these men online.
We both have LGBTQI friends that we love dearly. But in the time we’ve known each other, he has always asserted he’s heterosexual. We were planning to get married 1.5 years later.
We had a calm and tearful chat about this when I found out. He finally admitted that he has always felt he’s bisexual. He also claims that he has only been physically intimate with one man before. However, this happened during the course of our relationship when he was away on vacation. We were arguing and he hired a male escort. He claimed that he didn’t enjoy the sexual experience at all.
He has been sorrowful, apologetic and insists that his love for me is genuine. He says he doesn’t expect me to forgive him but he really wishes I could still give him a chance.
He also acknowledges that he didn’t realise this before but he now realises that his attitude has been selfish and his actions hurtful. He also feels that he has been addicted to the online interactions because of the thrill it brings, and he didn’t realise that he was cheating on me. He has agreed with me that he needs to speak to a therapist about his issues.
To further exacerbate the problem, I’ve also moved away from my home country and settled down in Australia where he is from.
1) I don’t know if I can still trust him after all this deceit even though he kept saying over and over that he truly loves me and wants to spend his life with me. He mentioned his intention was to hide this secret to his deathbed.
2) At this stage, I feel so lost. I don’t know whether to call off our engagement. I’m still in disbelief because we have a happy and strong relationship, and he is a sweet and wonderful person.
3) I don’t know if he would lie again, even though he says that he no longer has any secrets now and he has emailed a therapist to book an appointment.
4) While I feel sorry for him, I cannot comprehend how he didn’t realise he was cheating on me. Pleasuring himself with others. Online sexual chats. Physical intercourse with an escort.
02-06-2020 04:50 PM - edited 02-06-2020 08:07 PM
Re: My heterosexual fiancé is bisexual and has been cheating on me
Hi and welcome, @merrymagicmoon . It sounds like a difficult situation that you're in. I'm sorry for the big shock you've had.
I was wondering, what supports you have in place? Do you have access to any counsellor as you work through all this?