The need to vent

[17M]

Hi. Im back. In fact I never left meaning nothing has really improved. Do you wish you could talk about anything at anytime knowing your conversations would continue and not fizzle out a bit like a chain. Multable people joining in? I do. Go to a counsellor some say, i dont want a counsellor It would be nice to be heard and understood. Guess some of you know what its like being used abused and controlled by someone's anger management and the only times you hear from  them is when they want something and you help them because there is really no one else, but once they find someone else you become second best and used again and again to suit their needs. And if you stick up for yourself you are manipulated by them and the worst mother or grandmother. Controlled by their temper. 2 girls if I dont do as they want and stick up for myself, which I have, I dont hear from them one was 2 years. Im on my own have health issues looked after my daughter her baby,  6 yr old son her large dog put up with a lazy manipulating im so sick partner of my daughter. They have gone back home but still im being used because her partner is playing on his sickness. I've worked him out and he knows I am not impressed. He plays on things so he can get out of helping my daughter with the baby and chores 

 I've had to put my foot down and say I cant help. I've had cortisone infection for dislocated biceps and torn rotar cuff plus other ongoing physical issues. Asking for money and i bet its for their addictions. I've had enough. I feel alone really alone. My kids dont even check on me to see if im ok no text or phone call, nothing. One i hardly hear from the other is the daughter user.what have i done to be unwanted like this. I never ever treated my parents or mum with such disrespect or unloylaty. I checked on my parents daily. I lived with and looked after my mum when dad died for 9 years.all im asking for is to know they care about my welfare but obviously not, too selfish im on my own they dont really care otherwise actions speak louder than words.

[REDLINEZ750]

hello @17M  if im wrong in an attempt tp continue your conversation i apologise its just i think the daughters partner has fits if he gets worked up is this right?

being unable to control my trauma responses activating for 2 years lead  me to face the truth in the lies i lived with on people i held close.

yes actions do speak louder than words, when i was let down by everyone and found myself broken in a shed with out waterr and not one phonecall on my birthday i told myself like you im all alone after all and  i felt miserable unwanted  depressed on and on but F@$^# That.

Back yourself with your own actions but first know this, say your  on your  own with a shrug and accept it not with dread you wish you could reject.

Say it with the knowledge you get your home back and now you know why you cant help them next time .

your actions are now to show yourself the respect you deserve by not exposing yourself to people that make you a prisoner in your own home.

doesnt matter how much you love them.

Enbrace it dont fight it.

im sorry i dont think its right kids walk on parents coz they parents and kids expect it.

my oldest son done it to me and i broke then i radically accepted it and ignore him now. does it hurt yes. do i love him yes. do i miss his family yes.

then why? you might ask

because i know this hurt  now and it stops  inevitable new hurt, kid or not the line of disrespect has been crossed and thats the side ke stays on to stop the ongoing repeats if i accept an apology.

I say you look after you.

you tried  to help and it was unappreciated and you got abused and . disrespected, hated  being where you should feel safest.

dont be treated like garbage because shes your daughter

dont  look for reasons to justify why she treats you like that

 unless you believe you  cant live without them, i

then im sorry and wish you luck

[17M]

Thank you for your input. Stuck between a rock and hard place.  Daughter has only me to turn to at the end of the day but unfortunately to her benefit. Her partner suffers from seizures when too much stress, yes, but in saying that if my daughter needs help he will then have a "coughing" fit to get out of it, this i have witnessed a few times. She text me for help wanted me to help clean her house which is so cluttered, I said I have somehow got this bad head cold i got the day after you went home, run down i guess plus partner came to my place blowing his runny nose gor 3 out of 9 days. So, she said all good stay home. Next hour she text again. Partner not well thinks broken rip,  shoulder playing up in bed, could you get meds from chemist and go shopping for me. So, I did knowing that she knew I wasn't 100% i was fumming inside when I got there. He came walking over to the car happy, energetic from a neighbours place across the road. He helped with getting the groceries and no sign of pain from shoulder or so called broken rib. Acted like nothing was wrong sucked up to me like his best friend. When I left he followed me to the car and went back to the man across the road. Why didn't he go shopping or my daughter while he looked after the kids instead of calling me 40 mins drive away when 5 mins drive down the road for them. They could have said dont worry all good he is up he can go, but no he gets away with it goes across the road while im dragged out in the cold not well. Im 64 in few months im not as physically well  and caught covid 3 times . I have to put my foot down now when it seems fitting to do so she is the type of personality that when I pass away all she will see is the inheritance 

[REDLINEZ750]

not wanting to make things worse for you  to say what id be doing  might cause you more distress but i can validate you fuming inside and say thats not right what they done its beyond disrespectful. i know cracked ribs and theres no coming and going of pain, theres no thinking either theres only knowing and fear of laughing and sneezing for weeks.

look after yourself @17M and if your daughters in a relationship claiming she has

'no one else to turn to' then you should invoke some tough love so she really understands those words and treat you more deservingly.

but hey if that causes you more pain then im sorry i just believe they are taking the piss why not order groceries online like everyone else instead of wasting your time money and good will.

hope it helps to know your right to feel the way you do and your not alone

[17M]

Thank you and I agree

[Sugarshack]

Gday is there a pattern in this relationship "If we &&%^ up, Mum will fix it and we don't need to give her basic respect or pay her for being our servant"?

My brothers treat my mum like this, all I can see from the outside is that she habitually goes back to them hoping to get "love" but the price she pays for "love" is to waste her time and money on ingrates who don't care about her.

Is there a point where you stop accepting excuses from your daughter and her partner? It seems convnient they come to you when sick/hopeless but go to other people for the good times. 

My mum used to play this with me, "I am stressed out from serving your brothers and broke, can I have some of your energy and money?" 

I used to buy into it then one day I went....NOPE. Come to me when your cup is full, and we will each have a full cup and a more healthy relationship.

Are you able to demand the same from your daughter, that she fixes her own problems before bringing them to you? Are you able to put boundaries in place, "We can go to the coffee shop or take the kid to the park for a good time but you have to do your own chores this week".

Asking a bit more from her rather than giving in and repeating the pattern of dependency and service.