not feeling right

[Dimity]

Sounds hard @Eden1919, even harder if your psychologist doesn't understand. I'm glad you're sharing here. 

Maybe you're achieving more than you think day to day. I think posting here can be an achievement in itself and shows you're winning the struggle to control your thoughts. And you're posting earlier than you sometimes do, so maybe later you'll be able to sleep. 

[Eden1919]

@Dimity  I didn’t get any sleep which sucks. 

i am feeling really bad today and really scared they are still messing with my thoughts but now they are actively trying to hurt me too and the meds are poison and idk how to get away from them but I need too or something really bad is going to happen and I just idk what to do anymore everything keeps getting ruined and I can’t seem to make anything better. I really really don’t know what to do and I am so scared. 

[tyme]

Have you spoken to your team about what’s happening for you? I hear you are feeling quite scared right now. @Eden1919 

We are sitting with you.

[Eden1919]

@tyme  No I can’t talk to them they won’t listen to me plus they are the ones trying to hurt me in the first place so talking to them would be a bad idea. 

i am honestly screwed idk what else to do i just want to cry everything is ruined. 

[tyme]

Is it about medication @Eden1919 ? I know in the past when there have been issues with medication, it's led you to feel this way.

Hope you are okay.

Please reach out and email us if you want to chat about it team@saneforums.org

[Dimity]

@Eden1919 just wanting to reassure you that here in this space it's safe and you're wanted and needed. And we're listening to you not to the others you're scared of. 

How do you pass the time when you can't sleep? Music, movies, reading? My cat keeps me company. He's elderly and often quite demanding, and I have to work out what he's asking for. And I walk. The rhythm of steps and breathing is a sort of mindfulness that helps me.

[Eden1919]

@tyme  part of it is about medication but there is other stuff too 

@Dimity  when i cant sleep i either listen to music or watch movies and stuff online. 

i am so tired and scared i dont know what to do anymore i really cant do this this is too much. i am trying my best and i thought if i did what they wanted and just pretended and stayed here they would leave me alone but that isnt the case now everything is completely ruined and there is nothing i can do about it i just want to cry i cant take this i cant. i am safe for tonight btw i am just over it all. 

[Mediator512]

I have a similar feeling of things not making much sense. I am still figuring out the best options to distract from these feelings.

[Dimity]

Hugs @Eden1919 is your support worker checking in with you? Are you OK for shopping and stuff? 

Hoping things turn around for you soon

[Eden1919]

@Dimity  my support worker today wasnt someone i can really talk to about what is going on with me and they left early because they kept asking to leave and eventually i just told them and said they could go and they did. i am not really ok to do shopping and stuff so idk i guess i will just keep being hungry.

honestly i have no idea what to do anymore everything is ruined and i cant escape from it i am completely trapped and doomed at the same time i just want to cry but i cant even do that my body wont let me i honestly dont know what to do and i am supposed to see the flipping psychiatrist tomorrow and i have to keep my shit together otherwise i wont be able to go see my family i just have to pretend for one more day just one more day and i can no actually not even that i have to pretend for the rest of eternity because i will never be free and i am completely screwed idk what to do i really dont everything is completely ruined. i just hope i can keep it together in front of the psychiatrist tomorrow.