Ptsd domestic violence

[leo2707]

I am new to this space and i am struggling at the moment. 

I suffered domestic violence about 3 years ago pretty badly and i thought that i was doing so well now. That part of my life was over and i had moved on but in the last 6mths i have been having really bad panic attacks and at the moment that are more frequent and has began to affect my life. 

I haven’t got a doctor and went a go clinic today and he diagnosed me with it PTSD, anxiety and panic attacks. I hav been so sick physically in the last 6mths as well and he has attributed this to my cortisol levels and adrenaline i guess flight or fight mode. 

i thought that this part of my life was done with and now i just feel like the perpetrator of the violence has a hold of me again. I don’t even think that makes sense. 

I need a referral to talk to somebody about all of this but it’s a bit hard when you don’t have a doctor. 

i don’t know if anyway can relate or if i’m just crazy. i have never really spoke about this so i think im finding that hard to 

[rav3n]

welcome to the forums @leo2707 

i'm really sorry to hear how hard things feel right now. recovering from abuse can take time, and it sounds like you're working really hard on taking those steps by visiting the clinic and reaching out here - that shows a lot of strength. the next step around getting a referral sounds like a great idea... are you able to get a GP? 

in the meantime, there's also 1800RESPECT who can provide some phone/text/video counselling. it's free service that's available 24/7 - so each time you call, you may get a different counsellor.

you're not 'crazy' and what you've said makes a lot of sense. it can take a lot of time for those thoughts and feelings to change, so please do be kind to yourself - take it step by step. the feelings you feel right now are not permanent, things can and will get better 💙

[leo2707]

unfortunately no luck with a GP. 

I will give that hotline a call at the moment i would do just about anything to feel better. 

I have never really spoke about that time in my life and i don’t think i really know where to begin. 

This forum is the first time i think i have ever said anything about dv. 

I do know that i find it really hard when i read or see anything in the media about it. 

[rav3n]

@leo2707 do you mind me asking why getting a GP isn't possible at the moment? (no pressure to respond, just wanted to see if i can help in any way). 
also wanted to share this: Mental Health Line if you're unable to get a GP, you can reach out to them and they might be able to do an assessment and refer you to a service 😊

so proud of you for reaching out here - taking that first step can be scary, and i absolutely get you on 'not knowing where to start'. i find writing down a lil list on my phone or paper helps, some dot points around things i do want to share/touch on. for example - are there certain thoughts/feelings that pop up for you that you wanted to explore? did you want to chat more about the panic attacks and anxiety, and how to manage those? did you want to talk about the abuse and have the counsellor provide a listening ear? 

also just know, you won't be able to talk about everything in one go - it will take time/multiple chats, and it honestly doesn't matter what you start with sharing - you can change topics any time and figure it out as you start talking (i've had convos where i started with talking about 'procrastination at uni' but by the end of the call, we were discussing how to manage social anxiety). you can also let the counsellor know that its your first time and that you'd like some guidance with the convo! that way, they can lead a bit more and ask questions to help you out. even what you mentioned to us in your earlier post, and how you're finding it hard to read/see certain things on the media - you could perhaps share that to start off with? how does writing down some points to chat about sound?

[rav3n]

also forgot to share a lil tip around forums posting - you can tag the person your responding to by using the @ symbol and typing the username, then selecting it. it'll look like this @leo2707, and that way the person tagged will be notified of your response 😊 

[Ed1975]

@leo2707 

A lot of psychologists don't need referrals these days. You'll pay full price for the session probably but you'll only need a referral if you want to claim some back on Medicare. Maybe contact a psychologist yourself for your first appointment. If you or her feel you need more sessions, go get a GP to refer to that psychologist.

[Jlol]

Hi @leo2707,

I too went through some DV around the same time.

For the cortisol levels, it's a cliche but exercise helps. It literally burns off the cortisol.

I'm not a fan of exercise or gyms, so for me I did this in 2 ways: 1: getting a cheap bike off Gumtree and just cycling places instead of driving or taking a bus. 2: joining a gym, but only doing group classes. That way you don't really have to think to much about your workout routine - you just turn up and the instructor tells you what to do (I joined a PCYC - its cheap).

What also helped me is getting angry (don't know if it will for you). Sometimes, I would feel sad or scared about her and the relationship. I keep a list on my phone of some of the things she did that were just outright, crystal-clear wrong. I would occasionally bring out that list and remind myself "No, what she did there was actually really messed up! Screw that! No one should treat someone like that!". It would help me re-focus and recenter myself and my position in the world, if you know what I mean.