Lived Experience Forum

[Hyperballad]

A few weeks ago a guy I was seeing (I identify as a queer male) told me that I was very insecure. 

i was thinking tonight about how there is a difference between ‘I am insecure’ versus ‘I feel insecure’. The first is really about stigmatising and shaming ourselves or someone else. The other is not attached to our identity but something that is happening to us. I said to him if I hit myself I will bruise. When my thought patterns attack my sense of self I bruise and that bruise takes the form of feeling insecure. 

it just reminded me tonight that there’s nothing shameful or a flaw of my self about feeling things like insecurity. It’s not who I am - that’s the wrong verb. It’s how I feel.

language matters and the way we talk about ourselves and to ourselves (and how others do that) is really important to caring for ourselves 

[Xibon]

Hi @Hyperballad thanks so much for posting this, it's truly an insightful topic.

I think you're very right. When we let our feelings become our identity, we foster shame and undercut our own self worth. 

However, acknowledging feelings is helpful and informative, and lets us know that we are more than the stories we or others make up about our existence. Feelings can be informative, i.e. 'I want to improve at this', 'I wish to set a boundary here', 'I like this experience and want more of it', 'I want to be more confident', etc.

Thanks again for this topic, and I truly appreciate your contribution 🙂

[MermaidHair]

I don't know if it was your purpose @Hyperballad but his made me smile, there is so much wisdom in how you come to and articulated this point, I think many will find it very helpful.

I have had similar revelations but regarding mental health, like being referred to as bipolar. I am not bipolar, I have bipolar. Language is so important!    

As a side note there is nothing wrong with feeling insecure, the right person will understand and in turn share insecurities of their own, my partner and I definitely do.

Thank you for sharing

[Asgard]

Hi @Hyperballad 

Have to say that when I was reading your post it brought back a few memories of instances when my own identity was being pontificated by others who felt they were entitled to judge me.  Am gay myself, so would get this treatment when things didn't go well. 

You sound as if you have your head screwed on, so good for you -- people will knock ye, maybe due to their own fears.  But look after yourself mate

All the best

[8ppleTree]

Hi @Hyperballad 

Very insightful and exactly what I needed to read today. Thanks! 😃

[Jasper_123]

Agreed @Hyperballad language does matter! I think it's also interesting to think about what the person was saying about themselves when they commented on you being insecure. 

It's also important to remember that people have different preferences to language than you. I myself have always been happy saying "I'm borderline" as opposed to "I'm a person with borderline".