Partner did not disclose pschitzophrenia

[Bowie4eva]

Hi there, I am new to this forum but so glad I have found it .i have been with my partner just under a year and we recently bought a house together. Everything was going very well. However in the past 2 months the way he perceived small arguments and reacted to those were extreme where he would go away for days on end, place ivo’s on me for no reason and write everything to me as though he is a lawyer and I am a criminal of his employee I found out a week ago that he has pschitzophrenia via family who he doesn’t speak to at the moment. I initially thought he just had very controlling behaviour but realise these are behavioural characteristics of the illness. He is apparently meant to be in monthly injections which he hasn’t been on since before we met. He never told me and when I asked him for the first time 3 nights ago if he was diagnosed with anything in hospital in 2023 he said ‘no comment’. I think he must have anasognosia . Unfortunately at the moment he hates me so much he has spent money on lawyers and wants to seperate and will probably have to sell the house as he is not thinking straight and just wants me out straight away and I know he won’t get the mortgage approved on his own. I think he is a highly functioning pschitzophrenic as he still works as a builder very hard but in his spare time and any days off it seems to be when he spirals and gets worse. He isn’t meant to be drinking alcohol however he has been drinking the whole time I’ve known him every weekend and a few times mid week but quite excessively each time. I’ve now found out that he was homeless overseas for over a year until family flew over twice trying to get him and eventually got him on a plane but it took being homeless back in Australia that the police could get him in hospital and diagnosed . I feel very out of my depth. He only speaks to his mother who is ignoring my calls and apparently did when he was going through this before flying overseas so I can’t get help from her. I really hope to get him help before we lose our dream

home but he really hates me. I don’t think his lawyers care if he is mentally ill or not either, they just take the money . Has anyone had a similar situation and how do you delay the legalities and separation so they can get help first and how did you get them back on medication when they think you are the worker person alive? I’ve also been staying at a friends but will go back in a day or two. There is now an ivo on him as well due to being quite intense the past few times I’ve been home

and not feeling safe around him. He’s normally so gentle and kind but he is a different person to me at the moment and it really makes you feel so bad. But I can’t afford to move anywhere else atm

so I have to deal with him . Any advice would be so appreciated?? X

[tyme]

That's a tough one. When someone isn't well, I can see that your partner's behaviour is not him, but his illness. 

If you do not feel safe, please contact 000. Hopefully that way, there can be some intervention to get him the help and treatment he needs. 

You may want to have a look at this thread: Hearing voices and psychosis 🗯️  to read some real life experiences of what it may be like.

I will tag @RiverSeal as they may want to share their experiences.

[Bowie4eva]

Thanks so much for your reply. I actually don’t want to end this relationship as when he is not in this state it’s great but the way he hates me I feel I have to just go along with his requests and seperate

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Bowie4eva, thank you for shaing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you are going through a tough time with your partner who is diagnosed with schizophrenia and behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe. I takes real courage to share our experiences with our peers and be vulnerable on the Forums.

I share the same diagnosis as your partner and can understand what sort of challenges he is going through at the moment. We can be symptomatic and potentially have false beliefs about what goes on between people that are close to us. A person does not have to be having a psychotic episode to behave in the ways he is as schizophrenia is a spectrum disorder and there are positive, negative and cognative symptoms that we can be experiencing in different ways. 

Anosognosia is quite common with people who are diagnosed with schizophenia and I have experienced it too. A big step in the recovery journey is to accept your diagnosis and that you need some support. Though this is only something that your partner can do as treatment only works if you are engaged with it and have a desire to work towards changing your life.

I want to share some resourses with you so you know or you might know already, more about schizophrenia. I will pop a few here for you to take a look at if you feel it would be beneficial:

• https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/schizophrenia#factsheet
• https://www.healthline.com/health/schizophrenia 
• https://www.youtube.com/@LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia 

It sounds like you are really trying to support your partner and there are many challenges for you at the moment. I do encourage you to look after your own mental health and wellbeing through all this too. Here at SANE we have the Guided Recovery program where you can speak with a Peer Support Worker and Counsellor for up to 7 sessions. And talk about how this impact you and also learning more about what your partner might be experiencing to better support him.

You can check out the Guided Service here - Welcome to SANE’s Guided Recovery and decide if you want to pursue it. Whenever you are ready, you can chat to SANE’s mental health support workers who can assist with a referral, simply call 1800 187 263 or chat on the webchat at sane.org and let them know that you were referred from forums. They can help you with questions and check things like whether you have enrolled before or not. They're available 10am – 8pm Mon-Fri.

Also than you @tyme for tagging me here and posting the link to the Hearing voices and psychosis thread.

I encourage you to continue to ask the communtiy questions and I believe they will have some insights to share from similar experiences.

Take care

RiverSeal 

[Bowie4eva]

Hey thanks so much for this reply this has really helped. I will definitely be reaching out for some assistance through the links you have provided. Yes it’s a tough situation as I feel terribly sad to be losing my partner who usually says how much he loves the life we have and feels like he is living a dream with me and now that has flipped completely. Do you know if this will change? Will he go back to his normal thought patterns and realise or will that only happen once the medication starts again? Is this going to continue to get worse until help has to step in? I’m having the cat team call me now that they have his interstate information and recommending I don’t stay in the house . Very confused atm . Thanks for all your help. Also do I keep being compassionate and caring towards him even though he acts like he doesn’t want it and hates me or just ignore him also?

[tyme]

Great to hear from you @Bowie4eva .

I hear how hard this must be for you and things have changed so much to when you first met your loved one.

I hear your concerns. 

I will tag @RiverSeal into your above post so that they don't miss it.

You can tag them next time by typing "@" in front of their name e.g. @RiverSeal . That way, they recieve a notification of your post.