Partner did not disclose pschitzophrenia

[Bowie4eva]

Hi there, I am new to this forum but so glad I have found it .i have been with my partner just under a year and we recently bought a house together. Everything was going very well. However in the past 2 months the way he perceived small arguments and reacted to those were extreme where he would go away for days on end, place ivo’s on me for no reason and write everything to me as though he is a lawyer and I am a criminal of his employee I found out a week ago that he has pschitzophrenia via family who he doesn’t speak to at the moment. I initially thought he just had very controlling behaviour but realise these are behavioural characteristics of the illness. He is apparently meant to be in monthly injections which he hasn’t been on since before we met. He never told me and when I asked him for the first time 3 nights ago if he was diagnosed with anything in hospital in 2023 he said ‘no comment’. I think he must have anasognosia . Unfortunately at the moment he hates me so much he has spent money on lawyers and wants to seperate and will probably have to sell the house as he is not thinking straight and just wants me out straight away and I know he won’t get the mortgage approved on his own. I think he is a highly functioning pschitzophrenic as he still works as a builder very hard but in his spare time and any days off it seems to be when he spirals and gets worse. He isn’t meant to be drinking alcohol however he has been drinking the whole time I’ve known him every weekend and a few times mid week but quite excessively each time. I’ve now found out that he was homeless overseas for over a year until family flew over twice trying to get him and eventually got him on a plane but it took being homeless back in Australia that the police could get him in hospital and diagnosed . I feel very out of my depth. He only speaks to his mother who is ignoring my calls and apparently did when he was going through this before flying overseas so I can’t get help from her. I really hope to get him help before we lose our dream

home but he really hates me. I don’t think his lawyers care if he is mentally ill or not either, they just take the money . Has anyone had a similar situation and how do you delay the legalities and separation so they can get help first and how did you get them back on medication when they think you are the worker person alive? I’ve also been staying at a friends but will go back in a day or two. There is now an ivo on him as well due to being quite intense the past few times I’ve been home

and not feeling safe around him. He’s normally so gentle and kind but he is a different person to me at the moment and it really makes you feel so bad. But I can’t afford to move anywhere else atm

so I have to deal with him . Any advice would be so appreciated?? X

[tyme]

That's a tough one. When someone isn't well, I can see that your partner's behaviour is not him, but his illness. 

If you do not feel safe, please contact 000. Hopefully that way, there can be some intervention to get him the help and treatment he needs. 

You may want to have a look at this thread: Hearing voices and psychosis 🗯️  to read some real life experiences of what it may be like.

I will tag @RiverSeal as they may want to share their experiences.

[Bowie4eva]

Thanks so much for your reply. I actually don’t want to end this relationship as when he is not in this state it’s great but the way he hates me I feel I have to just go along with his requests and seperate

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Bowie4eva, thank you for shaing your experiences with the community!

It sounds like you are going through a tough time with your partner who is diagnosed with schizophrenia and behaving in a way that makes you feel unsafe. I takes real courage to share our experiences with our peers and be vulnerable on the Forums.

I share the same diagnosis as your partner and can understand what sort of challenges he is going through at the moment. We can be symptomatic and potentially have false beliefs about what goes on between people that are close to us. A person does not have to be having a psychotic episode to behave in the ways he is as schizophrenia is a spectrum disorder and there are positive, negative and cognative symptoms that we can be experiencing in different ways. 

Anosognosia is quite common with people who are diagnosed with schizophenia and I have experienced it too. A big step in the recovery journey is to accept your diagnosis and that you need some support. Though this is only something that your partner can do as treatment only works if you are engaged with it and have a desire to work towards changing your life.

I want to share some resourses with you so you know or you might know already, more about schizophrenia. I will pop a few here for you to take a look at if you feel it would be beneficial:

• https://www.sane.org/information-and-resources/facts-and-guides/schizophrenia#factsheet
• https://www.healthline.com/health/schizophrenia 
• https://www.youtube.com/@LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia 

It sounds like you are really trying to support your partner and there are many challenges for you at the moment. I do encourage you to look after your own mental health and wellbeing through all this too. Here at SANE we have the Guided Recovery program where you can speak with a Peer Support Worker and Counsellor for up to 7 sessions. And talk about how this impact you and also learning more about what your partner might be experiencing to better support him.

You can check out the Guided Service here - Welcome to SANE’s Guided Recovery and decide if you want to pursue it. Whenever you are ready, you can chat to SANE’s mental health support workers who can assist with a referral, simply call 1800 187 263 or chat on the webchat at sane.org and let them know that you were referred from forums. They can help you with questions and check things like whether you have enrolled before or not. They're available 10am – 8pm Mon-Fri.

Also than you @tyme for tagging me here and posting the link to the Hearing voices and psychosis thread.

I encourage you to continue to ask the communtiy questions and I believe they will have some insights to share from similar experiences.

Take care

RiverSeal 

[Bowie4eva]

Hey thanks so much for this reply this has really helped. I will definitely be reaching out for some assistance through the links you have provided. Yes it’s a tough situation as I feel terribly sad to be losing my partner who usually says how much he loves the life we have and feels like he is living a dream with me and now that has flipped completely. Do you know if this will change? Will he go back to his normal thought patterns and realise or will that only happen once the medication starts again? Is this going to continue to get worse until help has to step in? I’m having the cat team call me now that they have his interstate information and recommending I don’t stay in the house . Very confused atm . Thanks for all your help. Also do I keep being compassionate and caring towards him even though he acts like he doesn’t want it and hates me or just ignore him also?

[tyme]

Great to hear from you @Bowie4eva .

I hear how hard this must be for you and things have changed so much to when you first met your loved one.

I hear your concerns. 

I will tag @RiverSeal into your above post so that they don't miss it.

You can tag them next time by typing "@" in front of their name e.g. @RiverSeal . That way, they recieve a notification of your post.

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Bowie4eva, thanks for your reply!

I appreciate that you want answers and I do think you are the best person to know your partner. I can however provide a worldview through a psychosis lens if that helps.

"Yes it’s a tough situation as I feel terribly sad to be losing my partner who usually says how much he loves the life we have and feels like he is living a dream with me and now that has flipped completely."

• Do you know if this will change? If someone's alternate reality was to revert back to reality and they did not believe their delusions it is totally plausible to go back to life the way it was. There may be challenges and rebuilding trust on both parties as we remember how things make of feel. But delusions are hard to get someone to change their belief about even when there is evidence to the contrary. 

• Will he go back to his normal thought patterns and realise or will that only happen once the medication starts again? A person's thought patterns could revert back to how they were before but psychosis can have long term effects on a person. In how they think about themselves such as confidence and trusting themselves. People can have difficulty with talking about their experiences due to shame and stigma in the community. Even if they identify with their diagnosis and treatment and if they don't they can feel anger and misunderstood.

• Is this going to continue to get worse until help has to step in? That's kind like "how long is a piece of string". Some people do recover from psychosis particularly if they have early interventions and they engage in treatment early on in their experiences. Episodes can become more intense the more frequently you have them and more severe. Also the psychological impact of repeated episodes can exasperate the feeling of not being heard and listen to can cause anger and frustration. Which can cause people to isolate and distance themselves from the people in their lives and support workers based on mistrust and false beliefs. 

• Also do I keep being compassionate and caring towards him even though he acts like he doesn’t want it and hates me or just ignore him also? People can be very vulnerable when going through psychosis and when they have delusions. It can be very scary and cause people to do and say things that they believe are protecting them and are potentially out of character. Being compassionate and caring to people with mental health issues can go along way to making them feel supported and loved. Which in my experience from my family helped me process what I was going through and helped guide me to accept the treatment I received and acknowledge that I was unwell. We are all different though and feel differently about the people who show us that they care and love us.

It is always good to follow the recomendations of the CAT Team when they have information that may help to keep you safe. I can understand how this would be confusing and challenging to process.

Thanks for tagging me into the discussion @tyme ❤️ 

I hope this helps and that you are working through this as I can appeciate that it is a challenging time. I encourage you to look after yourself and continue to reach out for support.

Take care

RiverSeal 

[Bowie4eva]

Thanks for your input again. I really appreciate it. Unfortunately as time has passed since first writing on hear things have gotten much worse in terms of his treatment to me where he is using lawyers and we are going to court etc and he is lying to police saying I yell and scream and am violent to him, don’t pay money on our mortgage etc etc None of this is true . He is definitely in the stage you say “. Episodes can become more intense the more frequently you have them and more severe. Also the psychological impact of repeated episodes can exasperate the feeling of not being heard and listen to can cause anger and frustration. Which can cause people to isolate and distance themselves from the people in their lives and support workers based on mistrust and false beliefs.” But until there is evidence to the court that he is unwell which we have a court date coming up where I can show all evidence of his behaviour I am not able to live in the house due to my own safety. He has signed all his medical docs only to his mother who is in a cult like relation where there is a lot of secrecy and shame around mental illness and she won’t cooperate with anyone of authority. He has even put an ivo on the father who was trying to help me with him. So I am completely out of this relationship as he has been taught to have so much shame around having a mental illness that he literally blocks everyone out of his life who tries to talk about it with him to the out of using the courts . Unfortunately he is only opening himself up to even more people by doing this but he can’t see that obviously and we are going to lose our house because of it. I am at the point where I do not have any emotion towards this man anymore due to the fact he shouldn’t have kept this from me in the first place and given me the choice of whether I would want to be in a relationship with him and the illness. Thank god I did not fall pregnant yet to him . 
thanks for all your help . Unfortunately I could never be with him because they can’t even accept who they are themself

. 

[RiverSeal]

Hey @Bowie4eva, sorry to hear that things have escalated in this way. You are being brave and taking care of yourself now that you have lost feelings for him. I think that is perfectly reasonable to not want to be with him because he did not disclose his past mental health issues. We need to be honest and open with partners to build trust and connection. And he has kept secrets that impact him his behavior and how he treats people which is not ok.

We are all responsible for our behaviour towards other people and regardless of whether we have a diagnosable mental health issue or not. We are responsible for what we do and say and it sounds like he is being aggressive and making up stories to benefit himself in the eyes of the court. 

I encourage you to stay connected here in the community and reach out to supports if you need to talk with someone. Carers SA may be able to offer you some support and 1800RESPECT too. 

If you have any of his behaviours in SMS's, emails or any other written format you might be able to use these in court to build a case around his behaviours. Maybe reaching out to a free legal service for some advice: https://www.sa.gov.au/topics/rights-and-law/rights-and-responsibilities/free-legal-advice 

I'm sorry it has gone this way as break up are hard in the best of times. It sounds like you are being strong and looking out for yourself. Please don't hesitate to reach out to the community if you have any questions or just want to share what you are going through.

Take care

RiverSeal