Lived Experience Forum

[eth]

 @saturnzoon 

[eudemonism]

@saturnzoon 

Yea I've done some reasearch into the rights and responsibilities of people in general . And also what people need . It helped me gain insight into, the appropriate way to treat and think of people . Along with becoming aware of what people need .

It took me years to become 'mentally and emotionally ' mature . And to realize I'm responisble for the things i say , write and do. And to realize respect is something i and others need. It was just as much about my rights and needs as it was other peoples .

Sorry i can't be of more help. It sounds like a very frustrating situation to be stuck in .

Eude 

[Zoe7]

@saturnzoon No words Hon but a lot of hugs for you 

[greenpea]

@saturnzoon  Hi saturnzoon I was just talking with my 23 year old daughter and she said all your 26 year old son needs is your credit card details and he can easily order things. You have to cancel your card and keep it hidden away from prying eyes. She also said it was time your 26 year old son moved out of home if he cannot respect his mum and his brothers. I have to agree. If he intimidates you I would call the police it is totally unacceptable.

[Angels333]

Good afternoon Ravers

@greenpea @Zoe7 @eudemonism @eth @saturnzoon @Adge @Owlunar @Appleblossom @Doglover 

And many more.   I have been at work all day now I'm exhausted. I've had lots of anxiety today.   Tomorrow I'm home alone never good for SH urges.   

@Doglover how are you going over the weekend, any time to rest?

Thinking about you today xx

@saturnzoon do you have a plan to help prevent this happening again?    Really feeling for you  bug hugs to you💙

[Former-Member]

Hey @saturnzoon it's heartbreaking what you are going through, I'm so sorry things are difficult right now for you. What got me the most was you saying that you feel because you are timid and shy ( I can relate) that you have to accept what comes with it. It took me a long time to get comfortable with speaking up, at first I'd get too emotional and upset which caused added problems. But I got fed up with shutting down and clamming up. My son use to talk down to me and be very sarcastic which I hate. Only recently I am now able to calmly tell him I don't like being spoken to disrespectfully ( it felt really good to be able to say that and be calm!). Just the other day he actually apologised for getting snarky with me and said he doesn't know why he does it. You can set new boundaries with your kids, but it will take time. Just start off with a small thing at a time. Sending you and your family lots of love xx

[Appleblossom]

I agree with @Former-Member Its good when they catch themselves and apologise. My son is like that 

@saturnzoon 

Small steps but make the small stands. Def be protective about your finances and the stability of the household.  There is a role for rough play when it is done with a caring heart.  Not when it is a cover for rage.  Then the younger children get hit with far more than they can handle.  A lot depends on how far he goes.  If it is a big habit in his personality then he might need to sort those thinngs out in his head and his attitude.  Thats the bottom line for both boys I would guess. 

My son is 26 and a few people have told me I should throw him out, but that has disastrous consequences, each time we go near it.  So I dont, but he is putting in effort and board.  That is bottom line for me.  Personally I left home at 16 and preferred being homeless and coped. We are all diferent. Also his oldest sibling got away with stuff and it just was not fair that my biological kids got the raw end of the deal.

Today I told my son who has put off doing dishes for about 5 days, that he had to put up with knowing that I had a quiet smirk in me, that he is amazing how much he can string out the job.  He was shocked and called out in protest, but he has no idea really how much I do.  He is so used to getting away with stuff, but I also concentrate on the good.  I am patient.  I try and communicate that I dont like being talked down to, and try to get a life outside the house, so that he gets that others are treating me alright.  They have had a big thing blaming me for everything, it has been far from the truth but I just have to put up with it.

Hi @Eude I am alright.  Chugging along.

[Shaz51]

hello and hugs @Appleblossom , @Former-Member , @Angels333 , @greenpea 

[Zoe7]

Hey @Angels333 I'll be doing my planning for school tomorrow but will be around on and off if you need to distract yourself - happy to sit with you when I can 

[Adge]

I left home at age 20 @Appleblossom Specifically to get away from my abusive family (upbringing).

Unlike you, I wasn't homeless.

Yet I unknowingly went into an environment (& housing) that was actually worse than the home environment, that I had needed to escape.

Total deprivation of liberty, & no access to finances.

I finally left that situation (organisation) after 6 years, when I came to WA.

Now, 24 years later - I still have nightmares (very real) about it.

Adge