Our stories
It is exciting that you have your visitors coming today - enjoy their company @eth. You do have some things on today to get through first but I am sure you will breeze through it all in anticipation of your visitors coming. Goodluck with it all eth 
Have GP, DBT and pdoc today @eth - I better get myself mobile to get to my early appointment. Catch you later 
hoping todays ok for you all
Hello Everyone 🙂
I received a library phone call today, I like them because they're a recording, I know I'm not going to have to actually speak to anyone 😉 So I'm going to head into town & pick up a 'Doctor Blake Mysteries' series; I wrapped the kids presents yesterday, so I might post them off while I'm there - then xmas is all done & dusted for me {apart from maybe a payment on the car for my daughter}. I'll be spending it alone this year, it's not such a bad thing. My daughter always has such a big xmas, 5 kids, that always visit their Father (well the older 3) {who's a couple of hours away} & then return home {it's like 2 xmas days in 1!} & of the last few years, she always has her Fathers family there; I know it's probably wrong . . . but I don't like them, I can't just 'get over' the fact that they became so estranged to us, so quickly. They wouldn't have known whether their grandchild was alive or dead for about 20 years - of course when she found them, they were sickly sweet & somewhat over welcoming . . . & they're the same to me. It's all a bit much for this little head-case 😄
I received a phone call from my daughter - Oh, it wasn't yesterday, I've missed a day . . . anyhow, it was a good call. I'd sent a few messages on FB with no response, I even sent a phone text . . . but no reply; so the call was a relief, to hear she was still alive & speaking to me. It seems she's picked up another body for the household, her eldest daughter has returned home & now she's moved the boyfriend in with her too! I do feel sorry for the stress she's under, but I do see it as a result of her own decisions. Once she had the first abortion I see those children as definite decisions; in fact once you have sex, particularly if you don't use contraception, I see the children as decisions. The partner that your with, I also see as a decision. It's a fairly free country that we live in & unless they're holding you in chains or a gun to your head, I see it as a decision to stay with them. I think it's obvious I don't agree with her decisions, but they are hers to make; they are not the ones I have or would make myself. But my life is no pretty picture, no goal to strive for. I don't have the stress of dealing with other peoples problems, loneliness isn't that stressful for me most of the time - I've gotten so used to it, I kind of like it. My life is fairly void of human contact. I think I have breast cancer, I have no intention of doing anything about it, both my Mother & Grandmother had it. My Mother had 7 cancers & with each one they removed more of her body - I don't want that. My Grandmother on the other hand, also had emphysema {which I probably have} & the doctors decided there was no benefit in doing anything about the cancer, that it was best to let nature take it's course - that's what I want. This screwed up boob of mine, does not hurt, my joints give me more trouble. I thought arthritis was a winter thing, psoriatic arthritis must be different, mine definitely 'plays up' more in summer. I don't think it's the rain, though humidity in the air may have some affect on it - I think it's more rapid changes in the atmospheric pressure, as it's the membranes that surround my joints that have become thicker due to my brain perceiving messages of damage & sending the necessary repair tissue to mend it; messages that are like a scratched record once they start they never stop. The membrane that holds the fluid around the joint needs to be super-thin so that that fluid can be adjusted, due to many reasons but atmospheric pressure is one of them, via the process of osmosis - where the fluid actually goes through that membrane, mine is getting too thick for that to happen efficiently. I may not be 60 yet, but I'm getting older. I personally don't think human being are supposed to live far past 50, that we've unbalance the natural life span by a decade or 3; & I've been particularly rough on this vessal of mine - as others have been to it also. But I think over-all I've had a good life, I've had many good moments, loads of joy & happiness really. I am the leader of my own life, my castle can be messy - who's even gonna know - unless it bothers me, it's not a problem. I have 20 fenced acres that I can walk my beloved dogs on, a great reliable little ute & this computer to connect me to all my friends in the World 🙂
Love to all the need or want it
Hi everyone, just catching up on posts tonight that I haven't read today.
@eth, your evening with your close friend and her new partner will be happening as I write. Imagining how wonderful it is that you have these visitors. Enjoy! I look forward to reading how it went. 
@Exoplanet, glad to read your post, dear friend. Glad too that you have been having some contact with your daughter. I know how chaotic that household is from your past posts about what things happen there, and continue to happen. You are wise to accept that your daughter's choices are her own, even when they are not what you would choose yourself.
I am concerned that you think you have breast cancer and emphysema. The latter I worry about for myself too, as I have had a smokers cough for years now, and my dad died of oesophageal cancer. My chest and throat were bad enough at one point that I saw a throat specialist and needed to use an inhaler on a regular basis for a while, though the throat examination and x-rays I had at the time showed no serious issues. Tell that to the extreme symptoms I was having! My GP said that, even if the tests weren't showing clinical level problems, I might be in the early stages of COPD, an irreversible lung condition. COPD is the new term that encompasses emphysema and chronic bronchitis. And yes, we can die of these things eventually.
I understand your feelings about breast cancer. I have often wondered what I would do if I was diagnosed with cancer. I'm not 100% sure I would go through chemotherapy or other awful procedures, though I'd probably have surgery if that was going to help on its own. I've been through surgery a number of times in my life and, though it's awful at the time, it's been a very helpful thing to my quality of life once I was healed from the trauma of it. Losing a breast would be a terrible thing though, and I don't know how I would cope were that to be on the cards.
I understand too your thoughts about the extension of human lives in modern civilisation, and how this may be unbalancing to nature. I read an article recently called 'The Insect Apocalypse', about the frightening rate at which species crucial to ecosystems are vanishing from the planet. In one part of the article, it talks of how humans are essentially heading towards a time when there will be few species on the planet aside from humans. This would be cataclysmic for humanity as well.
At the same time, being a small human, and enjoying my life a fair bit just now, I would like to live a long life, and I'd like the same for my friends.
Part of me, as you might expect, wants to exhort you to seek medical attention for your physical health. At the same time, I respect your views and attitudes to these matters. But I wish you didn't have to be so alone with it all. There is us here, of course, but that's not the same as people in person. The one thing I sincerely hope you might do at the least, is continue to see the patient lady. I'm not sure if you have let that drop. I have a feeling that's what may have happened. I suggest though that there is no need to make life harder than it needs to be, and she did seem to be so helpful to you. Regardless of anything you might be carrying from the past, you deserve care and kindness, as we all do, I believe. I'd like to see you get some of that in your real life.
Love and many hugs to you, as always. Mazzy.
@Mazarita Sorry to hear you might have COPD. 
Issues of different species extinction are highly discussed at the zoo. Yesterday I enjoyed our gorilla and tortoises.
I have actually looked it up for myself, as I am a bit chesty. Not mentioned it to a doctor for 10 years. When I was still swimming a lot I had an lung function test and that said I was alright even though I felt I was struggling with breathing more than I felt I should. So I let it be.
I love your posts. I hear your sadness about your daughter's situation. Life is complicated and I see your discussion of her choices as a form of boundary setting: Limiting the extent of parental reponsibility. Nevertheless it is still difficult to see our children suffer.
I have not embraced aloneness as fully as you, although I am more at peace with it than many people. I still yearn and hope for friends and someone to love and who loves me. Yesterday at the zoo, I foolishly hoped and felt a bit manipulated by one lady, so I will stay away from her, but there was also lovely interactions with a young woman, which was sensitive and intelligent and also a good working relationship. She had seen me bullied and remembered it from 4 months ago. I am not letting these interpersonal interactions determine my mood as much as they used to.
Sorry about your health issues, but I respect your thorough thinking through. I might make similar decisions.
@outlander Thinking of you. Did you finish that pesky assignment.
Hi @Sophia1, haven't seen you around for a while. Have been thinking of you. I am guessing your surgery is coming up soon. Sending kind wishes for the treatment to be short and as pain free as possible, and for a speedy recovery.
