Lived Experience Forum

[Dfm04]

Tired of life tired of just existing tired of being alone tired of trying to dig myself out of my hole tired of doctors tired of hospitals tired of trying to end it only to wake disappointed im still here tired of the thoughts in my head tired of being paranoid like everyones judging me tired of pretending everythings alright tired of panic attacks tired of being so selfconcise tired of not being able to trust anyone without feeling there gonna leave me tired of being physically and mentally abused just tired......

[Dfm04]

Tired of self medicating myself just to survive whether it be prescription pills drugs or alcohol tired of feeling worthless like the world would be better without me in it

[Acacia]

Hello @Dfm04

I’m sorry to hear how you’re feeling today. It sounds like there’s a whole lot going on. Feeling like the world would be better without you in it is a really difficult place to be. This isn’t something you have to go through alone – there are services available to talk things over. Do you think you could give one of the following services a call? Lifeline and Suicide Call Back Service also have online chat if you don’t like talking on the phone so much.

Lifeline 13 11 14

Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467

The Samaritans 135 247

[utopia]

Oh @Dfm04. I hear the pain in your words.
It sounds like everything has become too much at the moment.
What did you used to do in the past to feel better? Unfortunately I'm just a fellow person with MI. You may wish to speak to someone with experience or maybe lifeline or beyond blue.
I'm sorry I can't offer you any relief from your pain. But I hope you can find some help, maybe just talking to others on this site.
I wish you well

[Dfm04]

Thanks for the reply means a lot just to know im not the only one going through this and dont have to worry about being judged on this site its weird i saw the advert for this site on tv yesterday i believe things happen for a reason this is part of my journey i guess at least i know whats wrong with me know been diagnosed with ptsd bipolar and unstable emotional disorder good ay lol

[Dfm04]

Everything i used to do to make me feel better doesnt work even the thought of my 4 babys does not stop me from wanting to end the constant pain and panic and it scares me cause i cant really stop myself from doing it once its in my head recently got out of hospital tryed to end my life twice and they released me two days after an attempt what a joke they are the mental health team and acute after care another joke told them i was doing ice when i got out of hospital and they closed my case i do go to counseling every weejk and have a referral to a physiologist so that helps a bit

[Mosaic]

Hi @Dfm04 just wanted to jump in and say welcome to the forums. I am glad you saw the ad on TV and joined up to be a part of this online community. 

I am sorry you were discharged so quickly from the hospital. Unfortunately many fellow members on here can relate to that scenario. The hospital system is so strained people often go without the care they need and deserve. As you probably know, drug and alcohol issues typically need to be addressed first through rehab etc before mental health services will accept you for treatment. 

Glad to hear the counselling is helping. It you find talking helpful, chatting on here with your new friends can be a good source of distraction when you're feeling low. Welcome again and take care today. 

[Former-Member]

@Dfm04, you sound really tired, mixed up, lost & really battling at the moment. Feel for you. Please don't give up! Chat with us every day, ring the above numbers as often as you need to & i promise you it will be worth it. When you're lost its so hard to see the big picture, the forest through the trees, or the way ahead from the valley. This is never a time to make big decisions. Once you find higher ground the path ahead becomes more clear. You owe it to yourself, that big part of you, that you've lost touch with, that part that wants to live and carried you thus far, you owe it to your higher self not act rash, but to keep scratching back lost ground, & building new pathways easier on your feet, and you've started by reaching out here. Well done! Keep at it, one day, one moment at a time. Be kind to yourself, find a hobby, savour long the good stuff as a lamp through the dark moments. Breathe deep. Live for the good days.. Most of us here have come through it - so can you. Big Group Hug coming your way (((♡)))

[Mozoman]

@Dfm04 very sorry to read your post. Take it from a recovering alcoholic, it wont help, in fact the problems just come back 10 times worse. As hard as it is, and I shouldnt preach, but dont drink. It is a major depresant and it took me many years before that sunk into my head.

I also felt the same way, and in fact made a very very determined effort to end the pain. It wont help, as it will leave behind a devistated family, who will look for answers.

Please go and see your GP and organise a Mental Health Plan, which gives you 10 sessions with a psycologist via medicare. If you dont like your GP, find another one.

Im going through hell myself at the moment, but having found an excellent GP it has cleared some of the mess out of the way, and whilst the light isnt very bright, there is a small light at the end of the tunnel.

[Rexy]

Hi Dfm04, First off, what you are feeling is the most horrific things to try and face. I too have felt like you many,many times at the beggining of my PTSD. If there is anything I can offer you is that there is hope and when everything is so messed up HOPE is the only thing you can count on that wont let you down.

If you are having psychotherepy or seeing a psychologist, I found that you need to be brutal with honesty, spill all of what is consuming you to you therapist, it is not a miracle cure but slowly but surely these feelings begin to become less consuming.

I have had these same feelings you are experiencing and 9 years on they still surface at times but are not as all consuming as what you are feeling right now. With my experience of mental illness there is no sugar coating to sweeten everything, just hard work and developing the mechanisim to get back the desire to want to truley live life again.

You are a very special person in your own right and you would be greatly missed if you left us. If you feel you can't cope please call lifeline or beyond blue, they are both non judgemental and treat you as a person that matters.

I am also on these forums and if you think that offloading on to me might help please feel free. I think as a whole in this forum WE CARE about you and if any of us can make a difference in your struggle, you and all of us have just jumped a hurdle along your road to recovery.

Kind Regards Rexy