Lived Experience Forum

[Mimm]

Hi. I am new to this. Felt like I needed to reach out. Like most. I am struggling, and have been for quite some time. I do everything I'm asked, yet I can't seem to find the "right" path, or even any path at that. Everyone around me, seems so content with life, whereas my head is a whirlwind of negativity. Thoughts consume my every moment, I plan everything around my destructive behaviours. And silence... Seems to be the only way I exist...

Is it just me or are there others?

[pip]

@Mimm. How long have you been feeling so 'lost? Did you have any sort of goals in your life or did you just do what was expected? If you've always just done what was expected and now suddenly you have to start making decisions, it is hard. What sort of destructive behaviour are you experiencing? Are you thinking of self-harm, if you are, I hope you can contact lifeline or Beyond Blue for some guidance. With self-harm, it is a sort of control, but it not a good control, self harm is destructive because while you may feel 'good' at the time, later, the next day/week/month, you regret it because hurting yourself hasn't gained you anything except lack of control. People who self-harm actually lose control over their emotions and let bad emotions rule. Do you have hobbies, interests, anything that makes you feel good about yourself. If you can recall when you felt really good about yourself and you remember why you felt good, that would be a good structure to rebuild.

[utopia]

Hi @Mimm. Sorry you are struggling so much wiith your negative self talk. I used to have suxh awful self talk going on in my brain 24/7, that there was no time or space for anything positive. Until I learnt the techniques that work best for me. Now those negative comments are almost silent.
You say you have tried everything you have been asked to. Can I ask what thsy were? & who gave you the advice?
I've had really good success with my current psychologist. He's just been a perfect fit for me. But years ago I just didn't 'click' with my psychologist and couldn't learn anything from them.
It's important to find the right therapist for you. You may also need the right medication for you.
I'm happy to talk with you further if you want to

[Mimm]

@pip Hey, I started to feel like a bit of an outcast when I was 15/16. I'm now 27. But I hit rock bottom two years ago, when my mother suddenly passed away. I didn't have the best relationship with her or my family. Once she passed away, I spent most of my time running and then moved into my friends house with her family. Destructive behaviours at the moment - running away, isolation, self harm, not eating and thoughts of suicide. 

I have contacted beyond blue, lifeline and acute care at my local hospital. As they see me every time I present for self harm. I do have a list of distraction techniques except in the past three weeks - nothing seems to be helping me. So I spend most of my days just aimlessly driving around trying not to give in. 

[Mimm]

@utopia, hey, I have attended every appointment that has been arranged, so I see my psychiatrist every week, I attend my intro to dbt weekly - and am on the wait list to move into the actual two day a week dbt class. I have tried distractions and catching up with people. But at the moment, my distractions don't seem to work, I'm distancing myself from everyone. I have started my meds again, this is my second week straight of being on them. As I stopped them while overseas as I just hated the way I was feeling. Stupid decision now I think about it. But I am just exhausted with waking up feeling the same, and dealing with my constant thoughts day in and day out. I just want a day where I don't have them. I have gotten advice from hospital mental health team, my psychiatrist, lifeline, beyond blue etc. I used to see a psychologist but it didn't work out, so once I start with you dbt course I get one through them. Not sure if that answered everything??

[pip]

@Mimm. Part of your problem appears to be no structure to start building a life. Losing your mum is hard on anyone at any age. I look on losing your mum as being like a ship without a rudder. I know you said your relationship wasn't the best, but the fact that she was there, meant you did have some sort of guideline to model yourself on. When you lost her, the role model that was there, suddenly wasn't and you found yourself without aim. What sort of mum was she? I know what you said about shaky relationship, but aside from that, what was she like as a role model? What values did she instil? Have a think about the sort of person she was. Did you admire her, or was she one of these that taught nothing? If you feel you learned nothing from her, think about what sort of things you would like to have taught your own kids (if you have any, or may have). Would you like to have been taught how to care for yourself, would you like to learn how to cook? Everything you have said, so far, indicates to me, you are the 'rudderless ship' I mentioned earlier. Have a look at the friends you stayed with when mum first passed. Would you like to be more like them? If they are the sort of people who display what behaviour patterns you admire, start privately emulating their behaviour. You are as good as everyone else. You don't need me to tell you destructive behaviour/self harm etc, is not the right way to live. Driving around is another form of escape, Easier to escape than live with yourself.

[utopia]

@Mimm. Wow you have been really pro active in your health care. Hopefully the medication you have restarted will start to work soon.
It's awful when your normal distraction techniques aren't workinģ. This must be beyond frustrating.
Please keep talking to lifeline or others on here, until you feel better - such as @pip. I like her idea of a relaxing drive - although I can't do it when I'm too wound up.
Have you read the post on here about the comfort box? May help alleviate some of your frustrations. Worth a try.
Wishing for this to be short lived and that the 2 day dbt brings relief