Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

@Doglover 

@Zoe7 

@MDT 

@Gazza75 

@eth 

Think im doing this right. Im starting EMDR weekly this wk.

Having sessions on Fri so i can digest it all over the weekend. Im able to call open arms if i need support & i have a few very close online people that have just supported me moving from melb to tville. Thats been very hard but im stable on meds & want to do this. Ill b posting my progress very regularly.

Ill let u know if i need support but im determined to go thru this. Im & want to try & make the next chapter of my life easier. I go to a meditation centre regularly & theyll b supportive of this journey also. 

[Zoe7]

Yep you got it right @Former-Member 👍✔😁

It seems you have a lot of support around you and that is great. This mental health journey we are all on does not need to be done on our own and to hear all the things you have in place to help yourself is wonderful. Keep on the path you are on and utilise those supports you have and the sky is the limit.

[Former-Member]

I tried a few therapists here & none of them i felt comfortable with enough to trust. Im still trying to find a dr i feel comfortable with. Current one is religious & believes its all about forgiveness. I dont agree with that at all. My lifes lesson was to speak out & report people as i lost my power & voice as a child. I would have coped way better yrs ago had i had access to something like this. Technology certainly helps u connect with people.

[Zoe7]

I think that is a sentiment shared by many here @Former-Member - technology does have it's place in the world especially when places like this can exist for anyone to access.

[Former-Member]

Im interested to c if the EMDR actually helps me remember more of my childhood. A few yrs ago i suddenly remembered my bros touching me sexually as a young girl. Came out of nowhere. Made sense tho. All my life therapists had asked me if my father had touched me & now i know why because it wasnt my father rather my eldest bros. I havent told him i know but think i need to. Its niggling at me. I havent had family in my life for most of my life. All my problems actually stem from my eldest bros mother & father. My father is dead but my mother is still alive. The edmr will address what they did. Im aware of that. Im likely to let them know that i know what they did. Guess theyll just have to deal with it. I have no need for them in my life. In ways id like them to know the damage they did.
I have a great honest relationship with my son & get on well with his dad & his dads wife. Theyre very supportive. Thats way more important to me.

[Zoe7]

You have a positive attitude @Former-Member and a lot of support around you - that is half the battle sometimes. You seem like telling your bro you remember what he did is important to you - and you are right - it is for him to deal with. Telling 'family' what damage they have done can certainly be cathartic and may even let you close the door a little on it all.

You seem like you have a clear direction on what you want to do and where you want to head ...and have support around you to do all that. It is a good position to be in as you begin EMDR.

[Former-Member]

Yes i think so. My instincts r guiding me strongly on this. Im capable of living my own life without them now & have nice people around me. Closing the door is important to me. They controlled me & put me down so much. I think this will give me the strength to stand up to them & face them. I grew up so afraid of the two of them not knowing why. However its a lot clearer now & the online friends i have have let me share loads without judging me. Its been very healing to b allowed to express without being told off or put down. Guess its why i left my family cause i wasnt able to express at all so i totally withdrew. Im not that person anymore tho. Ill know the right time to speak out

[Zoe7]

It seems to me - in the very short space of time I have known you here - that you already have that inner strength @Former-Member  What you choose to do or not do is entirely up to you and you will know the right time for you. That is super important - it has to be on your timeline and your terms and nobody else's. But I get the feeling you already know that and are making huge positive steps towards doing that. 

It is difficult to stand up against the wrongs of our past but takes immense courage to do so also Hon. If that is what you decide to do then you will certainly have support here. 

I am glad to hear you are not that person anymore - not becuse one is better than the other but because it shows growth and moving on for you and no-one else. We are all shaped by our past but it does not mean that that past needs to consume us. One of the hardest things we can do for ourselves is to recognise what has happened to us, understand the effect it has had on us and then move forward despite it - what doesn't break us makes us stronger hey!

[eth]

Hi @Former-Member  and welcome to the forums.  @Zoe7  thanks a lot for tagging me here.  I had a day off the forums yesterday so didn't see this conversation til just now.

@Former-Member  I'm currently doing EMDR weekly and have been with the same psychologist for 2 years now.  It took us over a year to do a trauma map of my life (as many sessions were taken up by current stuff and NDIS stuff).  Now most sessions are EMDR about past events.  I have complex PTSD and bipolar 1 and am 56 with a history of traumatic events throughout my life and dating back to when I was a child.  

It sounds to me like you're in a really good place in your life to tackle the EMDR process and I wish you well with it.  It's definitely working well for me.  It's really important to have a 'safe space' to come back to at the end of a session.  We do a couple of visualizations too.  Yes the session itself is intense and does bring out more detailed memories, but overall I'm finding that out in the world I am less intensely triggered, can recognize that something was in the past and not get so stuck in my response to such triggers, and recover faster from being 'flooded' as my psychologist calls it.   Having the weekend after your session for things to percolate and process is a really good idea.

There's a lot more I could write but have a few things I need to do this morning.  I really relate to your posts and laud you for sharing so deeply.  Take care, Eth

[Former-Member]

Hi there

Great to hear some feedback.

Ive given my timeline of events to this Psychologist so hes going to start immediately with the EMDR. Tho lots of prac with the safe place & calming my breathing. This psychologist is a lovely big gentle giant. I love his energy, very calming indeed. Hes helped a lot of ex service people here in tville & came highly recommended by a few sources so i feel im in good hands. I think im going to visualise as well as hear the piano or possibly a song ive written as my safe place. Music has really helped me stay alive so its possibly good for me to access that part in my brain to calm me. Ill visualise myself playing the piano & hear it. Im sure itll b intense however itll also be worth it in the longrun. Im just sick of being triggered off & i guess want to know my own neg self beliefs to help me see why my life went so bad. It really helped me writing my own memoirs so im sure this will too. Therapists in the past simply couldnt calm me down if id been triggered cause they didnt have any skills or techniques. I meditate with another guy & he goes to this guy. Says he never lets u leave traumatized. So thats great to know. Ill keep u updated with my progress. Im just very fortune that dva will pay for this cause theres many that couldnt afford it.