Lived Experience Forum

[BlackCat13]

This weekend I feel like I am back on the struggle street of depression. All my habits of covering how I am feeling are back in place and no one in my life knows the turmoil and emotions going on inside me. I also struggle with trust so feel I have no one, not even my psychiatrist (who knows more than anyone) I can tell.

At the moment all my immediate family are on an overseas holiday (a cruise,which they know I would never go on) making me feel even less a part of the family than I normally do. I have no one socially to interact with and the social anxiety stops me being able to join anywhere. If it wasn't for my cat I probably wouldn't have spoken a word out loud.

I just don't know anymore. I feel like Im drowning and I won't let anyone in my life see it. I'm screaming and nobody can hear me. I can feel myself breaking. Piece by little piece.

[Esmerelda]

I have a cat too and quite often he is the only 'person' I speak with.  I think I understand what it's like to scream on the inside and noone hears - sometimes it seems, not even the cat.

I felt much like that last week, I thought I might even have a heart attack and wondered too what would happen if I did actually 'disintgrate' entirely, if noone could put me back together. I felt competely and utterly alone and disconnected from the world - but this week has been better. I do still feel that the rest of the word exists over there and I'm not really invited, but I know that a lot of that is me too and very old thinking habits...being at a new school where nobody liked me feeling completely isolated...

I would encourage you to hug your cat, he or she loves and needs you and so does the ret of the world.

[HopefullyPink]

Hi BlackCat13. I really feel for you. I also have depression and anxiety and often feel like I am drowning. It's horrible to feel so awful inside and with no one you can talk to about it. You feel so alone. Maybe  calling lifeline may be a way to connect with somebody, they are strangers, and you don't have to see them. I know from sad experience that the more time you spend alone and isolated the worse symptoms of depression can become. Even just going out in the backyard to get some sun and fresh air may help. Hang in there, you are not alone in this struggle 

[Helen25]

Hello BlackCat13, I trust you are feeling brighter today. I have had times of being in the same place as you described, it does pass. I havea dog, who is a gift in my life, she needs me and I need her. Hang in there

[utopia]

Hello @BlackCat13. I also have depression and anxiety. When you start sliding into depression it's hard to think of any positives in your life. I'm glad you have your cat for company.
I wonder why you can't share how you are feeling with your psychiatrist.
I find it helps me to let my psychologist know when I'm heading back towards depression.
It's good that you are able to recognise when you are sliding towards depression. What has helped you in the past? What coping techniques can you use to raise your mood?
Have a look into a previous post called the Comfort Box. It may help