Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

        Hello.

               After being dianosed 4 years ago at age 34  i have been slowly trying to figure out how this illness works and where it came from. Family history is unknown and I am the only one in a family of 5 that has it. Depression/Anxiety are present with 2 members.

i was told by a Psychiatrist that several traumatic events that all occured under the age of 4 could may of triggered a Mental illness.

I was nearly 2 when I nearly died from drinking fish tank water. Later that year(poor mum)I nearly drowned in a neighbours pool when my rubber ring got caught under the steps tipping me upside down under water.My mum could not swim and she screamed for help and luckily the net door neighbour jumped the fence and scooped me out.

The biggest Trauma that affected everyone was at 4 years old. when a really bad accident involving slipping in a bath filled with scalding hot water instead of cold water turned on by another 4 year old, causing 3rd degree burns and months of hospital stay. The other memory happened around 3 and it only showed partial and quick images from the age of 9. It only has been discussed 3 weeks ago and a family member has confirmed that a respected Major was either taking photos but I think he was filming his daughter and me for child exploitation..She kept that secret for 35 years she was 14 and has 2 full memories which I will not go into., I  being younger kept that secret until  6 months ago. Our mum  knew something because she wanted to leave the organisation, My dad resented her for that for years.He wanted to become more involved.and a Captain.He died last year and we think he knew  nothing.

So yeah lol. Please help with anything to do with trauma.I only joined this morning and look forward to helping others.Cheers

[Faith-and-Hope]

Good morning.... 😊

Just saying "hi" @Former-Member.  I picked up your post on the other thread this morning.

I have a DIL with bipolar, and it is oossibly what one of my grandmothers suffered with, but I am still new to understanding the complexities of it, and my DIL is struggling too much to try to approach the subject at all .... she is keeping very much to herself and I need to respect her boundaries.  💕

Whatever she has come through on a family level, her own parents are just starting to come to terms with now, and it's clear they have a lot of sorting out to do .... so I'm just loving her as best I can from here.  Her parents have told me she knows we care and is very grateful for that, but is unable to cope with more than occasional forays into family occasions. 💜💕

Being on the forums is helping me to learn so much about mi issues, including those present in our wider family that our own kids are prone to perhaps .... just identifying aspects of personality and underlying mi traits that need to be handled with care, and awareness and coping strategies developed around them, is finding a way forward ... 

My husband is deep in the grip of an unspecified (undiagnosed) eating disorder, but it is clear that is a coping mechanism for something else underlying .... definitely to do with control issues and triggers .... but while we can't work out what that is until he's called out over the e.d. .... there is little point trying to second-guess too much.  The Inner Family Systems model regarding sub-personalities goes a long way towards supporting an understanding though.  It's clear he's got some sort of sub-personality panic attack going on inside, and his CEO is not in the drivers seat .... 😔❣

I think it really helps with empathy and compassion, being able to recognise ourselves as all belonging to the same model .... just things have gone out of Syn for some people, and others have hardly had a chance to find balance as yet in their lives, but it is possible, in varying ways.  It's not the same recipe for all of us, because we're not the same recipe on the inside .... 😊🎂

[Fancy_Pants]

Hi @Former-Member,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing. It sounds like you are on a long journey of discovery but facing it with honesty and openness, I hope that you can find the connections with others who share similar experiences and answers that you are looking for

i also saw your post on the DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS (from_PTSD_to_DID) thread and wanted to post a link for others and encourage you to continue looking around and contributing wherever you feel comfortable 

There are a number of people on here with a diagnosis of bipolar such as @HellonWheels and @pbfromippy and this thread about the experience of bipolar but the focus does not have to be on diagnosis as different diagnoses can effect people in similar ways (or the same diagnosis effect in different ways) so if you feel comfortable perhaps you can speak more about how your experiences have effected you now? and what is it about the trauma/bipolar that you experienced that you need help with? 

[Gavinlee]

@Faith-and-Hope
Hi and welcome.
If I may get straight to the point @Famcy-Pants is correct, people with a different diagnosis can be effected in similar ways, also people with the same diagnosis can be effected differently.
There is certainly evidence that ANY trauma can effect mental illness.
Studies done on twins is a good example, they have the same gene's and have grown up in the exact same enviroment, so why would one have a mental illness and the other not? Normally it is because something traumatic has happened to one and not the other..
I am no professional, but I have spoken to lots of them lol.
If you have private health cover there should be a number of groups available to you, CBT, DBT and if they have the word trauma after them, even better. Normally you have to commit to one day per week for 6 months is some of these, but they are well worth it.
Just to add, I attend a group one day per week and have done so for 18 months, I can't speak more highly of it and it has helped me like you wouldn't believe.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @Gavinlee .... 😊

I'm going to tag @Former-Member in here ... I think your post above may have been intended for her .... 🌷💜

My DIL has support I know .... and there are twins in our family so I can relate to what you are saying about how the effects of early trauma show up clearly when you have the example of one twin as a "control" ...

Thank you for sharing some of your story, and I am so glad the group you are attending is a great fit for you .... so good to hear .....

F&H

[Former-Member]

Thankyou for reading my post and sharing with me.

[Former-Member]

Hi @Former-Member Not sure if you got this post on the other thread so I'll just drop it here as well.

Ihope you find some solace here on the forums as you come to terms with your mental health. Talking about it can help but remember to go gently with yourself. Learning to reconnect with present moment realities are equally, if not more, important than diving into the past. I have learned that we don't have to lean on our own understanding to grow, but a little helps along the way.

Most of us here on the forums are ordinary people with no mental health training but have lived experience suffering the impact of mental illness. Forum moderators have some training and will drop in from time to time to make sure things are OK.

Personally I don't like diagnostic labels (eg Bipolar) in Mental Health, as many overlap and all too often the experts differ in their opinions or simply 'get it wrong' more than they care to admit. But, if a label opens doors to giving us the support we need then - i guess the end justifies the means.

Thank you for sharing your story. I think With trauma, a lot does depend on our own physical genetic makeup / chemistry as well, in how we respond to the world around us. Research shows bipolar as a chemical imbalance with a strong genetic link.

Ms78- you do describe some highly stressful events in your childhood that may have caused psychological scars (trauma) depending on the way those around you managed & supported you through it. Child sexual abuse & physical abuse are particularly traumatic on the mind and often suppressed for a reason. I'm still not sure uncovering the past is helpful. Tread carefully on this path. Don't force it. Be gentle with yourself. With Depression/Anxiety prevalent in your family there is likely a genetic factor in play. More than events.

I suspect your Psychiatrist telling you the cause of your illness was "traumatic events under the age of 4" (early childhood) is his/her way of saying the development of your personality was damaged very early. So, you probably do have have a degree of dissociative disorder interfering with functioning in daily life. Some prefer to label it Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder ( C-PTSD) or just PTSD. But your mood swings probably cause greater concern.

A good, more explored area of study in psychological trauma is PTSD of Military Personnel. Their war trauma may not have altered their psychological development (being adults) but the methods of coping with symptoms are invaluable. They are used across the board: Mindfulness, Tai Chi, Drumming, Music...

Did you say your dad died only last year??? This is big. Such a loss can mess with your head for a good couple of years. Do some reading on Grief & Loss as well, maybe a grief counsellor. Dealing with this now is better than putting it off. Perhaps it has uncovered issues itself for you to look at now in moving forward in recovery.

Better stop there. Hope I've made some sense, helped a bit. Nice to meet you Ms78-

[Appleblossom]

You had a lot of painful and life threatening early experiences that would shape you.  Yes I believe it is. 

I have known a few who suffered with it ... all had their childhood issues.

The problem with linking those issues ... is that often blame of the parent can actually worsen the situation ... as it justifies anger at the parent.  You seem to have some understanding that your parents did not intend for you to experience trauma ... I think that makes a big difference.

I hope the forum helps

See you around

[Kurra]

Hi @Former-Member
Quite a number of studies have shown that there may be a link between early childhood trauma under 5 and bipolar disorder although this link does not appear to be definitive.
It has been suggested that this shows in earlier onset of bipolar and rapid cycling amongst others. The early childhood trauma has been linked as an environmental component rather than a direct cause of bipolar disorder.