Lived Experience Forum

[flatshift]

Hi guys,

I don't know how I ended up here but it seems right..

I'm not sure what to say as I'm not good with words but I'll try. I'm feeling so helpless and lost. I'll be honest I'm 26, and I guess a lot of the younger generation is brought up knowing its ok to talk about your feeling etc, but not me. I guess the way I see is "feelings are like your mothers breasts. You know where they are, but there best left unfelt"

I left school not long after turning 16, I couldn't do it. I got a job as a apprentice mechanic, working 16 hour days for $300 a week.
I busted my ass for 4 years. Worked till my fingers bled. In 4 years I only took 2 sick days. I wanted to prove I was the best. The last 2 years at that place took its toll, I found out my boss had bipolar and stopped taking his meds. I got constant abuse. Still despite that, head down ass up.

After I left I worked for a few company's. I finally found my "forever job". Building hot rods and classics. My boss was a superstar. He meant the world to me! Unfortunately, he passed away after Christmas, and that took its toll. His sons came in and ran the business but they were destroying everything he did and I couldn't be part of that.
I left, worked a few more places, but I could see my motivation was dropping.
My current job isn't in the automotive industry. Been there nearly 2 years. Same as I've always been taught. Head down ass up. Prove your worth.
Now I feel I'm beyond giving a shit. Almost tired of trying to kick the worlds ass.
Stress levels are through the roof, don't sleep much.

I'm busting my ass but I'm feeling I'm not going anywhere. Somewhat feeling of my hope and dreams have died. All these aspirations are, gone. Like I've failed my self..I've been misrable for a long time, and

I don't know where to go or what to do, and I don't know how much longer I keep this up before I snap and meltdown.

What do I do?

[utopia]

Hi @flatshift. You haven't failed yourself. You have had a number of devastating events occur to you in a short period of years. Bullied by a boss and then the death of a great boss - a roll model & then watching his business go down hill.
You may have depression & be suffering from grief. I'd recommend going to see your gp and explaining how you are feeling. Ask for a referral to a psychologist under the Medicare system. Therapy can greatly improve your moods and sleep and energy and motivation.
My therapist recently explained to me why I got so sick from my old job. My values of compassion & empathy & respect and honour were the opposite of what my bosses were showing me. It caused depression and anxiety. But with therapy and medication (you may not need meds) I'm almost back to my old self.
You haven't done anything wrong. You have suffered loss. With help, you can get your life back & enjoy the things you used to.
So please, go and talk to your gp. There will be no judgement but lots of help.
And please let us know how it goes. And continue talking with us through this forum. We understand what you are going through.

[Appleblossom]

Ten years of hard yakka has to take a toll. You will have gained heaps of skills and knowledge that you can put to use all your life.  Dont regret your work your drive and stamina.  Its great. I left school at 16 too ... its tough. It is also great thaat you had the experience of a positive and inspiring person ... cherish his memory for all the good it gave you ... its good you let go of the family takeover of that business ,,, it was outside of your control.

But you do need to look after your self enough to get the balances right ... thinking of the old trades hall 888 idea .... 8 hours work 8 hours sleep 8 hours play,eat, clean etc ... Are the hours better where you are. 

I knew a few people who would go walkabout ... I still do too at times ... sometimes wandering around we find ourselves.

Take care

[Former-Member]

Hi @flatshift I understand how you feel. I worked hard my mum wasn't happy about my job so she got me a job working for her sister and brother in law and that was when the memories came flooding back of what he had done to me as a child. I ditched life went to Sydney really effed up in a major way drugs etc to get rid of the pain and the memories that were flooding me.

It seemed all to easy to run away and let my life spiral out of control to the point where I knew if I didn't change things soon I would be dead in a gutter somewhere.

Obviously I still had some fighting spirit left I picked myself up brushed myself off headed home took all the abuse for being so reckless and not caring about my parents and how much I hurt them and decided to make something of myself.

Yeah I got stuck in some dead end thankless jobs but I kept working and gaining more and more skills and now I am so proud of what I have acheived.

I recently completed my Diploma in Human Resources Management in 5 months instead of 1 year, I struggle with self doubt and feeling hopeless and useless but then I think I can't be too useless if I can achieve all of this.

I guess what I am trying to say is don't give up on yourself because you are worth it even when you think you aren't, you matter.

[flatshift]

hi @utopia, so i can see a psychologist under medicare? that i did not know! is it bulk billed or how does that work?

i think it is something i need to do. As i said i dont talk about feelings etc at all, so. i'll have to try and get some time so i can get a start.

im glad to hear you are almost back to your old self, it must be like picking up from where you left off 🙂

[utopia]

@flatshift. Yes you can get some free psychologist appointment. Your gp will do a Mental health care plan with you. Gp will ask questions and you will also fill in a questionair that is pretty much just ticking your response.
Gp will then refer you to a psychologist under this free scheme. It's a government incentive. Initially you will be eligible for 6 free appointments. However, if your psychologist thinks that you need further assistance, he / she will apply for a further 6 appointments for you.
It's a wonderful scheme - as not everyone has the money to pay privately or for enough sessions to help them.
See your gp as soon as you can - as there may be a waiting list for the psychologist.
And just wanted to say, well done for recognising that you need some help at the moment.
Things can get better

[flatshift]

hi @Appleblossom.

ten years has certainly taken its toll, as well as other things. yeah leaving at 16 is tough, step out into "the real world" and it really frightens you. Did you go right into work after leaving? i know i was shit scared, but it seemed right.

i try and hold onto the memory, it gets hard at times. i still get calls from old clients complaing about how no one there helps, there all useless, can you help me etc. i feel sometimes his memory is "tarnished". i try not to let it get to me, but it does. i still feel i failed him, he worked for 35 years to build his business unforntualey it was work that killed him. his health had gone down hill and he was told by drs to take it easy, but no.

My hours at my current place are bad. im up at 6ish, hour and half drive to work, work till 6.30 hour and half drive home. when i get home, ill take the dog for a good walk, make sure hes got plenty of exercise, etc. make sure the mrs closthes are washed for the next day (she is a chef so i leave when shes asleep, n she gets home at 12ish)

sometimes wandering is solice..

[flatshift]

@utopia thats awesome, thankyou very much!

yeah money is tight, struggling to get ontop of it.

i hope so! because i cant keep going on like this.

[utopia]

@flatshift. You just hold on a little longer. Soon there will be professionals helping you. You are strong, I can read that from your posts. You have been strong for a long time. I think you will have great success with a psychologist and a gp looking after you