Lived Experience Forum

[Meecie]

I have been on a roller coaster of medication and I worry I'll never feel better. I feel really down and have now taken leave to do a bit of 'self care' but it hasn't really helped, these last few days have been hard. I am tired. I know I need help but it's so hard to find, and I can't burden my family and friends.

[pip]

Dear Meecie. Are you seeing a Dr/counsellor/therapist, or are you just 'winging' it in the hopes of self-healing. I imagine your Dr prescribed your AD's but I would ask if he/she could refer you to a counsellor or therapist. Getting help with someone you are comfortable with can be tiring in itself. When you find the right person, it's amazing how quickly you start regaining your life. Being depressed is tiring because you are zapped of energy, even getting out of bed becomes a 'chore'. You question why you even should get up, Do you have any support at all, I know you said you can't call on your family, but they must be concerned. I would try calling a family member and ask for some support. Even if it's just to take you to see your Dr.

[Meecie]

Hi pip, thanks for your reply, I do see my dr quite often, and have seen therapists. Maybe I need to see someone else, I live in a small community so there isn't a lot of resources here.
I was travelling to the city but it's 3 hours away and I don't really have the capacity to drive that far, my husband helps but it's difficult for him.
I have a large family so we scape by as best we can. Iam a nurse in the only hospital in my town and admission doesn't seem to help because of this. I will hopefully be able to see my dr this week, he might have some answers, because everything I just wrote may be excuses but they really aren't.

[MoonGal]

Hi @Meecie - what adifficult situation you are in, being employed as a Nurse in a small town at the onlyhospital with the city/town 3 hours away, you are caught between a rock and a hard place.

New medications sometimes ratchet me through the stratosphere or plunge me into the deep abyss. On some occasisons of starting a new nmedcation ihave lost ALL INSIGHT into my own mental health and wandered about for weeks or months. It is good that you have insight that the new medications are causing trouble for you. Could you perhaps write down what is happeneing on them? Then when you see the Doctor you have a concrete thing in front of you to say what is happeneing, how they are affecting you and what that is doing to your ability to think, work etc.

Number one thing is to stabilise as fast as you can, it sounds like these meds are causing more problems than they are helping?

[pip]

Dear Meecie. As MoonGal said, you are in an unusual situation. You're nurse, you have health issues of your own and you're now trying to get some help for you. Are you saying your Dr thinks you're making excuses? It's highly possible your meds are causing some distress, but if your Dr is not helping through not listening, perhaps it's time to consider changing Dr's. Some Dr's seem to treat other professionals (in similar work) as if they're looking for sympathy. Keep a not of your meds (when you take them, how often, how you feel before and after). If after a week or so, you definitely notice changes (good or bad) see your Dr, tell him/her how you felt before and after.

[Meecie]

My dr is actually fantastic and we generally work together and have a trusting relationship with treatment. It disappoints me though that when I am not coping my only real option is hospitalisation. Which I try to avoid as much as possible, imagine having your colleagues treating you for your mental illness....😳....
Like I said that only means I am kind of on my own 'dealing' with the roller coaster of moods and just scraping by a lot of the time.

[Appleblossom]

Hi @Meecie I am glad your doctor is decent and professional. It is a huge commitment and effort to manage a large family and a professional career, women do not get enough kudos for that.

I was really sad to see you posted in a way that suggested at least someone implied you were making "excuses".

I am quite familiar with small town social dynamics. In many ways they can be very conservative and gossipy.  My brother's tragedy started in a small town and a small hospital with the birth of his son.  We loved him but his in-laws could not.  They feel a bit guilty and have apologised and their attitudes are slowly changing. (taken 30 years)

I dont advise putting yourself on a cross to achieve social change. Protect yourself. Try and find on-line support and maybe look for a good long term therapist in the flesh ... who you might only see every 3 months or so ... but can become part of your support network away from the hub of your family and professional life.

Apple

[Meecie]

Thankyou, yes unfortunately my best friend, doesn't really understand bipolar and most often thinks I 'make excuses' and my boss is really tough on me, I take sick leave to 'self care' but she is constantly 'watching' me and has taken me off certain shifts. That's hard...and Thankyou for your suggestion on not trying to solve social change and protect myself.
I need to see my dr tomorrow because iam really struggling.