Lived Experience Forum

[Former-Member]

FACEBOOK WOES:
Just bringing this topic & a cou across here for discuasion

I couldn't access an old deactivated facebook account so tentatively opened a new Facebook account last week, to see the photos of my boys uni grad when they come. He 'friended' straight away but his partner & her mum haven't responded to my friend req yet (a week now), even after having such a great day with them at his Grad last week. I Don't understand & it upsets me & I worry for my kids hanging out with people who treat me with contempt. Really struggle with this. Asked my boy about it & of cause he didn't know, said they haven't said anything. I'm guessing maybe social media gives people to much opportunity to 'leave me out' which triggers my already low self esteem. This is why I unfriended everyone & deactivated my last account. Silly but maybe some people just don't have the temperament for it, me. Anyone else have issue with this.

Gotta go try get some shuteye , check in later 🙂
_________________________

Appleblossom, Community Guide, 3:34 AM
Hi @TAWNEY
it will be a while til I get a daytime rhythm going ... so I am up
Have done my piano and recorder practise and just going to start my singing.
Checked emails ... fixed posts yadayadayada
I have to agree ... contempt is not a good sign in inlaws
I am not facebook person ... never opened an account .. as I was not even going to leave myself open for such upsets.
A gentle nudge may have a place ... but I dont have a good barometer about those types of things ...
so ... unsettled feeling ... relevant but not worth letting other people's rudeness overwhelm you.
Protect self .. make stance and be done with it... note to self .. if son has issues in future ... you can be there for him ... but you have not stimulated the issue .. just been open and convivial
Dont know what others including mods would think ...
_______________________

TAB, Senior Contributor, 5:58 AM
Hi ..yes have wiped entire friends list, a few times, not recently, had relatives never refriend me, have other relatives who never reply to anything .. have had a few good long convs with some that hadn't seen since childhood though ..am wondering about father's birthday in 3 weeks.. every one could be his last and its the only time I see sibling who has added me to 'reject' list .. well in in real life, not fb..

..at xmas, I decided to make the trip across nullabor, from my self imposed isolation from family I guess, only to find out the 'the rejecter' ie sis, had already been there with kids a week before.

..hope I dont feel as weird as I did around them last time..if they happen to be there at same time.. oh well, maybe I'll get there super early, make it harder for them to avoid me lol

[Alone]

Hi,

Don't let your self esteem get tied into facebook posts.  You never know whats happening on the other side of the internet, maybe they havent been on facebook since you tried to friend them.  Maybe they've been busy or havent noticed it.  You say you had a great time with them at the graduation, I'd focus on that.

I once got called a "cyber bully" by a a couple of people on facebook simply because I hadnt "liked" a post.  The truth is, I'd been out and hadn't seen it.  But they're minds were making up all these stories about me and why I hadn't "liked" their post, instead of talking to me and asking.  It escalated into a drama without me even knowing about it.

Focus on the positives, it makes life easier 🙂

[Former-Member]

Yeah, @Alone, I know, thanks.

[NikNik]

Social media has so many good things about it - but so many bad! It can really mess with us.

I can't remember who said it or where I read it here in the forums - but someone said that what you see on someone's facebook page is like a duck... looks nice and calm on the surface, but under the water is paddling their little legs for dear life.  You just see the surface of their lives.

I agree with @Alone, it's very likely they haven't seen the request. Also though, some people can be funny as to who they have on their facebook page. We can make all types of assumptions on why people friend others. I think though, what you should do is use facebook for what you mentioned you want it for; looking at your son's grad images. That's what makes you happy 🙂 and using FB for this purpose is one of the wonderful things about social. I hope you don't lose joy that FB can provide.

Take care

[Former-Member]

No, its more than that. I live away from my family. You think they'd want to interact with me. To 'like' or 'poke' or send a message, or comment on my posts. Saying they simply 'misses' it is crap because its easy to go to a 'friends' page to catch up. Obviously not every day. But yes it it hurts to be ignored when they are interacting with each other, talking around you in discussion & never initiating. This is my sister that hurts mainly because I love her I guess & miss her & expect more from her that strangers (my brothers have always been hopeless with such a things, birthdays & caring gestures in general). Actually feel think it would be easier for all my family if I died. Blackdog loves to bark that one when I try address this topic. Oh how easy I could right now. Opened a be fb account to see my son's grad pics, but he's not the one posting, his partner has all the photos & she's not reapondingvto my 'friend' request, 2wks now, nor her mum who in thought we got on well with at the Grad. I don't understand what I've done, do to deserve it, they, people just don't like me no matter what I do.
Already I could see my sister interacting with my son while also ignoring my friend request. My profile picture is very obviously me. It hurts to see my sister pop up so much (I mean homicidal rage, smash something intensity, SH, SI, - its so irrational & potentially out of control that I have to block her & her mob to not get triggered. I hate this, they do nothing and I feel suicidal. Haven't checked into fb a while, hurts every time I find she's not responded to my fr req. Breaks my heart. Not sure I can face that. This is my only living child and I miss him. And not even he knows it. Hurts to feel him slipping out of my life too. Setting up a new fb account just hasn't been worth it. I don't know why people don't care as much for others as I do.

Today I stayed in bed all day, felt really hungry a couple of times but told myself I deserve the pain for getting fat. Even when I did eat at 5pm so I could have my pills, it didn't feel good. I hate myself.

[Former-Member]

there, got that off my chest @NikNik, feels better already, thanks.

[Binyini]

@Former-Member i appreciate and respect that you have posted as honest as you have. I felt alot like this when I was on Facebook, I use to loose my goddamn mind! I had a lot of very similar thoughts like you have discribed, I had to make myself get off it because it made me spiral deep into those dark places and gave my thoughts thoughts very similar to what youve explained and for similar reasons..I stay away from Facebook now, been 10 months I havnt dealt with Facebook and all the crap that goes with it. The first months without it it was real hard I felt so alone unworthy and uncared about just as bad as I felt when I had it...it messed with my head like a bloody drug, and oh my well the anger and hate i felt towards what seemed like all the fakeness of people, and the hate i felt against my own self! because i felt like i wasnt good enough for anyone! Yep...facebook aint for everyone and it sure aint for me, i got enough demons to battle I sure as hell dont need more .... and even now the thought of facebook these fealings still come up!
So I tuck away into the real world and day by day focus on me and the few that care for me, all the rest well it dont last forever! some come around some never do...like they say...'those that dont care dont matter, and those who matter are those who care' and 'those' who care can be anybody even a stranger like me....take care of yourself ... you got you, and you are worthy x bless

[utopia]

Sending you support @Former-Member. It can hurt when people don't respond to friendship requests online. The same as when someone doesn't want to be friends in 'thd real world'. The pain is the same.
What about focusing on the friends that have joined you on facebook. And I'm sure there will be more overtime. I have only a few peolle on f.book. a lot unfriended me because I post too much or it's too political. Doesn't bother me. The friends I still have on facebook , love me how I am.
As I'm sure yours do.

[Former-Member]

Not like that for me but thanks @utopia