Lived Experience Forum

[Ellu]

This is a bad time of year for people coping with mental issues - the shops are already filled with Christmas decorations, and they remind us that Christmas is just around the corner. Some of us have issues with family Christmas gatherings bringing up all sorts of old issues. Some of us are so unwell that we feel we just can't cope with all the things expected of us (socialising and buying presents etc.). Some of us are on our own or isolated and find the festive season a time of loneliness and despair. In one way or another it is a stressful time for us all.

I think it is important to let family and friends know just how much you can cope with, so that you don't find yourself overwhelmed and upset. In my case we have a family gathering on Christmas Day of 18 people.

It brings back memories of Christmas' past when everyone was joyful except for me. I think the trick is to take things slowly and start preparing early. Work out what your Christmas obligations are now - and don't hesitate to say no if you are asked to do someting you can't manage. As for presents, some of us do not have the money to buy presents, and others are in a mental condition which makes it impossible to go out shopping. There are two very good on-line shopping sites I have found - hard to find and yellow octopus.I have done all my Christmas shopping on-line beause I can't cope with the crowds in shops and the whole Christmas frenzy thing.

It is a difficult time of year, with people around us expecting us to be joyful and happy. Now is the time to start talking about the festive season with family and friends, and making plans which will not put too much stress on you. Be honest with the people around you and think about your expectations.

Does anyone have any tips/experiences to share which will help us?

Ellu

[Sahara]

Hi @Ellu,

thanks for starting this discussion. I feel as you do... I feel like I am supposed to be joyful at Christmas, so I try and be jolly - but it feels very fake, unfortunately.  I have never liked Christmas much. 

Great advice about shopping online. Just staying at home and not dealing with crowds sounds perfect! Buying gift vouchers online is another good tactic. 

Wouldn't it be great if you had some kind of service available that took care of the whole Christmas festival for you? Like, 4 days before Christmas, a small team of people arrive at you house, assemble a tree and a few lights, put an over-sized frozen chook in your freezer, a couple of bottles of bubbly in your fridge and a few chocolates in your pantry.... then they drop off a a few generic presents for under your tree.... like, I dunno, maybe unisex socks or something wrapped up to look cute.... And then its Done. 

Then 3 days after xmas, they come back and remove the tree, the lights, the wrapping paper and take out the garbage for you! Then they quickly clean your kitchen and your oven..... and go. All done and dusted. 

I would pay for a service like this!! 

[Lunar]

Hi @Ellu

Argh christmas, so stressful! I find trying to be as healthy as possibly helps with being motivated to do social gatherings, as well as not overwhelming yourself with shopping, try to make the day achievable if you do plan on going shopping.

I also agree with letting family members know of what you can handle, maybe go to gatherings for shorter amount of times, try to avoid conversations that may be triggering and being aware of what things trigger you, write them down and have an action plan if you find you are triggered by someone or something?

Most importantly try to have a good time when you can and look after yourself, do something that makes you feel good over the holiday season 🙂

[Former-Member]

hello Sahara please don't think this inappropriate but this actually made me laugh not because it is ridiculous but because I think it is brilliant. I was also thinking the little team to prepare the table, cook and serve the meal and most importantly clean up! keep all glasses filled , play some music and wham before you know it you are thinking about new years eve - you actually distracted me from my heavy sadness and tears day I am having. so thank you so much sending hug

[Sahara]

Thanks @Former-Member,

lol, I'm thinking we should go in to business together with this idea! I think it could work. 

You would have to set up at website and have an order form that you could fill out on line. It would have to be simple... like "how many gifts do you need?" "For males or females?"

And then "Do you need a small, medium or large christmas tree?" and "Do you need chicken/turkey/ham or all three?"  "how many people do you have to feed?" 

You just go through a check list and tick the boxes. All you have to do is ask and it will be done! 

I'm going to take a look on line and see if anyone is actually doing this. 

[Former-Member]

hello sahara you are joking in making the statement I would have to set up a website? I hate technology and am hopeless. but I love the idea that you could do that part or actually my husband can. hmm I'm thinking perhaps forget asking how many or what or which but more along the lines of you really must have, don't miss out on, you wont look back, oh you will be the envy of all your friends, be the first, be innovative, so that eliminates some of our workload. we can tag someone else to check the ticked boxes and we can sit back and enjoy the rewards. love it. what do you think??

[Former-Member]

drat I have to check dinner?

[Ellu]

To all of you out there who are struggling with the thought of the festive season :

Some of us might not have the money to buy gifts for friends and family. Here is an idea. Why not make some shortbread or some other favourite cookies and wrap them in cellophane (from the newsagent) as presents? This can look very festive and be inexpensive to make. There are tons of recipes on the internet. In fact these home-made gifts might be more appreciated than something you have bought from a shop.

Start planning your present giving now (assuming you are in good enough condition to even contemplate it), as by the time December comes around the shops and streets are full of people in a shopping frenzy, which I, for one, want to avoid.

There have been years where I have been very unwell at Christmas, and have just sat at the table like a zombie through the whole process. It has been a difficult and overwhelming time for me, and I know there are those of you out there who are feeling this way right now. Do what you can to minimize your involvement and contribution. Remember that loved ones and family will understand. And remember, we are all in this together!

Ellu

[Dark_Olena]

I really just want to skip over christmas. Its just a reminder of how everything isnt anymore. My eldest son 27 chokes down his food, he lives home only 2 nights a week and his partner still lives at home with her family. She doesnt like our family that much, so he will be here chrismans moring if we are lucky, but he will be running around with a constant reminder he is about to take off. I am sick of having this self pity on myself and thats what it will feel chrismas day. 

I should count my blessings right?  But everything my christmas is is just a reminder of what it isnt anymore.

Bring on Boxing Day. 

Christmas day has too much pressure, too many expectations and too many let downs : (

[Ellu]

Dear Dark_Olena,

No, Christmas is not for everyone. I lived for 6 years in Japan, and as a Buddhist country no one had heard about Christmas or Christmas traditions. Christmas Day was an ordinary working day. Don't feel obliged to turn on Christmas with all the trimmings - simplify things to suit your situation. It is not a failure to disregard Christmas traditions, it is a choice. Choose whatever situation will make YOU feel happy, even if you ignore the whole thing and go out for the day. Create a new tradition for yourself - a picnic in the park or just a quiet day at home. There are so many people for whom Christmas is a chore, not a pleasure. Don't let it get to you! If you are really brave contact your local council and find out about helping to serve Christmas Dinner to disadvantaged people in the community - that may give some meaning for the day for you, and bring back some of the meaning of Christmas. I know how you feel,

Ellu