Lived Experience Forum

[blackdog]

For 15 years I've had moderate to severe mental illness. In that time I've had multiple diagnoses from Panic Disorder to Bipolar type 2. But after 10 years of medication things haven't significantly improved. I'm past the crisis points of multiple panic attacks per day, agoraphobia and laying in bed all day with severe major depression but now my daily feelings fluctuate between hopelessness, anger and feeling overwhelmed. I struggle to hold down a job and my family life is in tatters including the loss of relationship with my two young children and the guilt I feel because of my poor ability to be a stable parent. Most of the health professionals I see don't think I have Bipolar however they wont remove that label. Other diagnoses have been suggested but nobody seems to look further into what's going on or see the distressing place my life is in. I don't think that I have Bipolar, but clearly something is not right. I feel I need to know what I'm dealing with, I would like a diagnoses that I feel confident in. But my health professionals just say deal with the symptoms, not the diagnoses. I feel my problems are so massive and complex and I don't know how to tackle such a big problem. I feel that things need to be more focused and not so broad.
I feel like I've exhausted my resources and my GP and Psychiatrist seem to sit on their hands with only the offer to try other medications. I don't know what next for me, my life feels stuck and where I'm stuck feels very uncomfortable and unhappy.

[Appleblossom]

Hello @blackdog

It is hard when our confidence to deal with life is low and our family not going well.

There are discussions on the forum about diagnoses.

Personally I think it is best to look at the person not the diagnosis, and as you are finding diagnosis itself is not a black and white issue.

it would be good to have simple answers. It is a complex world. I try and keep my focus simple ... by dealing with a kind of hierarchy of needs approach.  Food, clothing, shelter, some company, stimulation ... education ..arts .. health etc.

Thats about it.

BUT in families we often find our spouse has whole lot of different presumptions about those issues and if differences cant be bridged its tough ... not in a blame way ... but still just tough.

Take care and deal one day at a time ... feelings sometimes come and go ... they can be a key to what we need to do and they also can confuse and mess with our confidence .. I wish it was simpler ..

Take care Apple

[Bridgetjones]

Hi @Appleblossom, you give great and insightful advice. All the best, Bridgetjones

[utopia]

Hi @blackdog. You sound so frustrated and so would I be if in your shoes.
Is it possible to go to hospital and request a diagnosis and change of meds. Not only will you get the above two benefits but you will have a much deserved break from the stresses at home. Also ehile in hospital you could do some therapy groups and learn some new coping techniques to deal with stress without it becoming overwhelming.
The 'guilt' you feel as a parent who is not coping - that's the first thing I worked on when I was in hospital. The constant negative self talk.'bad mum - they're better off without me - I'm stuffing them up - I make their lives worse'. I had 24/7 around the clock telling myself what a s**t mother I was. I wasn't and I'm not. But I'm not perfect either.
You can't keep struggling on your own. Talk to your gp about getting you into a clinic. Once you feel better and rested, things will inprove