Lived Experience Forum

[SadUnicorn]

@NatureLover there was years of vision issues leading up to the blindness. Even had a stess induced eye perforation! I won't bore with the deatail of how that happened but it was related to the abuse.

What I will say is it was one of lifes most increadible experiences regaining eysight after being blind - and very lucky. The sensations and new appreciations of colour, and looking at things in a way different to before was increadible! Wether countryside drives or very ordinary things it was all magic. Seing people in person took on a whole new meaning since then too. As time went by and with some work I opbtained enough out of my left eye to gain depth perception. Although challenging I am now legal to drive again and am happy to say the hospital refers to me as "their miracle man". I had an apoointment there today and many scans reaveal significant improvement since the change of environment. I geuss a positive amongst my heartache.

I implore you all to protect your eyesight and would help anyone whith my knowledge gained from that fight if wanted.

Sleep through the night, without the distarbances of TV every hour or so and phone bleeping messiages, I belive has been a critical thing to physical improvements - lest the occasional nightmares reiteration some of the last few years.

More confident after test results today means I will also try to explore these forums more. Maybe I can regain the same ability to fight back with the mental situation.

[SadUnicorn]

@Chameleon yes it is scary, and the fear can be a trap to staying where toxic too long. Where I am is progress with my appreciation to the fv and abuse services that helped facilitate thus far. The not knowing what is comming is hard but I remember being told getting from a bad place to a good place was going to involve crossing a bridge of harship first. I hope we both get to the other side and can look back at it all as a growing experience and be happy.

[NatureLover]

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@SadUnicorn wrote:

What I will say is it was one of lifes most increadible experiences regaining eysight after being blind - and very lucky.

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I'm so glad to hear!

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@SadUnicorn wrote:

More confident after test results today means I will also try to explore these forums more. Maybe I can regain the same ability to fight back with the mental situation.

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I really hope so, @SadUnicorn  🙂

[Chameleon]

Happy is good.

[SadUnicorn]

A developmnent that makes me happy! one of the kids contacted. I am meeting three of them tomorrow 🙂

A little nervous of being good enough or interesting enough for teenage girls but taking it as a positive for the future if things go well.

A visitor last night and cooking class today. Mood is good :-), the best in some time. I wish you all the same 

[NatureLover]

That's great news, @SadUnicorn ! Both about meeting the kids and about your mood improving. 🙂 I hope it goes well tomorrow!

[SadUnicorn]

It did go well even though one of the twins dropped out due to headache.

Over 4.5 hours, and things seem positive for future evenrs with them.

I felt very empty though as soon as I arrived home, though kept a reasonable mood all night.

This morning's challenge was to try and continue better mood so I took the electic bike out on a local foreshore park. I tried just smiling as I rode in the busy park and many smilled back. A rather uplifting excercise. Kinda socialising without socialising and a way to put troubles aside for a while.

[SadUnicorn]

From waking this morning it is back to the miserable, defeated feelings. Everything is so hard to do.  Feels like I am somehow waiting for something that will never happen, and think about the loss of my hopes and dreams through this. And all my effort and struggle amounting to so little. Little strategies of activity are not working today so very bored to boot. nothing is interesting.

Hate this changing.

I can think of things that maybe would help, but no motivation. More feel like getting a drink and numbing both the physical and mental for a while. I was not even allowed 1 beer for 6 years while others in the household do drink, like denied other things incuding medication at times. So now maybe the temptation is from another emotion than just self medicating.

MHS started process finally made another step today - a telehealth appointment with a new psychiatrist which will be another frustrating re-start from the beginning through to the same enevitable frustrating conclustion.

Sorry, feeling rather negative today.

Recently I tried branching out in the forums but it is a bit overwhelming to get to the point of typing something somewhere rather than just clicking support. I guess I've been feeling rather inadequate - generally have these last couple of years after witnessing the last 9 years unfold. Wish I could rewind 10 years - back to a feeling confidence, inclusion, and identity despite a life of challenging health.

[Peonies]

Hi there @SadUnicorn 

I am sorry to hear how difficult things have been for you today. You mentioned in your previous post about doing some uplifting exercise such as riding your bike in the park has helped to improve your mood. Are you able to do this today? 

I am glad to hear that you have a telehealth appointment with a new psychiatrist. Every practitioner is different so I hope that you will find the right support for you. In the mean time, besides the forums, how do you feel about talking to one of our counsellors at the SANE Help Centre about these feelings? . SANE Help Centre  is open Monday-Friday 10am-10pm and the number is 1800 18 7263.

If you are feeling not safe, please call : 

Lifeline: 13 11 14 or Crisis Chat

Suicide call back service: 1300 659 467 or online counselling

Samaritans: 135 247

If in immediate danger: 000

Take care, 

Peonies 

[SadUnicorn]

@Peonies The electric bike I am managing about once a week. There is a physical limitation I am working on, But I am thinking of getting out for a while and walk around, maybe some frivilous shopping and see how things are after.