Lived Experience Forum

[Shaz51]

hugs my sister @BlueBay , sitting with each other xoxo

[BlueBay]

So today is another day. I don’t know how to think. I’m still very stressed  

I will have to ask our boys for money. I’m just feeling like a horrible horrible person. I’m so angry at myself. 

Its not an easy thing to go through. It rips and tears you apart. 

it’s chaotic and terrible. I’m never going to get on top of my life. It all feels so bleak. 

@Shaz51 @Former-Member @Razzle @Faith-and-Hope  @Owlunar 

[Zoe7]

May I suggest you have a house meeting and lay it all on the table the situation you are in @BlueBay You have four adults living in the same house and everyone needs to contribute right now, It is not being weak or a bad parent - infact it is the opposite - it is having the strength to say you need help and as adults your children also need to contribute to the situation you are in. It is the only way you will get through this and everyone needs to know the position you are in to be able to hel you through it.

[BlueBay]

I asked my boys for some money to get us through this fortnight. They both transferred money without hesitation. I explained why as I was in hospital and didn’t get a full psy. 

I was able to buy some meat fir tonight and put in slow cooker with veggies. Going to cook very cheap and easy meals this week. 

@Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Former-Member @Razzle  Thanks fir support and advice. Xxxx

[Former-Member]

Well done! @BlueBay 

Sherry 😀💜

[Shaz51]

way to go my sister @BlueBay 

Hello @Former-Member , @Zoe7 , @Razzle 

[Razzle]

Well done @BlueBay .  It’s not being weak or a bad parent to expect help from your kids.  When I got my first part time job at 15yo, I paid $10. per week board, was expected to do laundry, prepare meals and start cooking if my parents were still at work.  When I got a full time job, my board went up.

I never once questioned it, I lived in that house, I was part of the family so I expected to contribute.

The fact that your sons did it without hesitation is proof that you raised your boys right, they are pulling together as a family - as they should.  You should be very proud ❤️❤️

[Razzle]

Hi @Shaz51  I hope you have been having a lovely weekend 

[Owlunar]

Hi @BlueBay 

People here have given you some sound advice - the children you have at home still need to contribute to the finances and chores needing to be done and that is perfectly normal and you are not a bad parent because of it - and as someone else said - it shows strength of character to ask them for help when this sort of thing happens

It does make me wonder though why Huffnpuff isn't working things out more - you are not well and it is not your fault you are not well - I have been reading your thread even though I needed to take some time out from the forum - and I know you always have a hard time when you get home from hospital - that's normal too - and basically I think it's unfair to have so much household management stress on you when you have been working so hard in hospital - and luckily you have a short week this week to ease back into going back to work - so take things as easily as you can 

I saw parts of Leaving Neverland and now understand how childhood abuse carries over into adult life and really destroys your understanding of how life works - really - I might get back to that - it was pretty hard for me to watch and I was thinking of you the whole time - how terribly damaging is that? How do you work past it? Wow - it was a lot.

But believe me - ending your own life will not make anything better for other people - I can tell you it makes things so much harder for those you leave behind - look how your boys transferred money without hesitation - it shows what a good mother you are. You are the person with a warped image of who you are - and all thes painful therapy has been hard work you don't want to waste now,

Anger is depression coming out - it indicates how much damage was done to you as a child and it can't be changed - 

I am always thinking of you even when I am away from the forum - I think of what I could say that will help you see past all of the sorrow you have experienced.

It took me a long time to get past the death of my son and the way my parents treated us at the time - only recently have I seen the role my parents played in the trauma I experienced and made things so much worse for me. It can take a long time for all the pieces to fall into place - it took over 70 years to get past what my mother did to me - and finally that has been dealt with - and over 30 years to get past my son.

But it was not always so bad - it was a process - and I had to let go of my anger - that is so destructive

You are actually a long way from the person I first met when I joined this forum nearly 3 years ago - you have more insight and in spite of your emotions you are still here and with everything happening - you are still writing

Have you ever thought of how your story might be helping other people? You have so much courage in sharing this - more than I have when it comes to opening up. It's actually something to be proud of - really

All the best - my break from the forum had nothing do do with you - I needed to rest for a while to be able to be more effective when I write - we all need to take time for ourselves regardless of the situation

So I hope you can take at least 30 minutes a day for yourself - tell other people you need this time and take it - we all need to be single-minded at times

Sending my love

Dec

For me - roses say it all

[BlueBay]

Thankyou @Owlunar  i do feel better today. I’ve just emailed my psychologist and asked her if I sm able to pay fir my session next week. She has said yes before so I hope she says yes for this week. I really need to see her. It’s been about 7 weeks. 

I love my boys so much. Even my daughter. They are great adults. Any time we’ve struggled they’ve helped 

yes I don’t know why hubby doesn’t chip in more. Like Sunday I asked him if he had asked the boys for money. He said no so I asked because if I didn’t no one would. And I wanted to ask before they went out. 

It really annoys me when he doesn’t man up. 

Im just trying to make easy cheap meals for this week. 

I think I get so angry when I can’t get things done or sort stuff out. Then I get angry with everyone st home and I take it out on hubby. I know I still have a lot of wirk reg childhood abuse my mum snd relationship eith hubby. 

I do have a short week st wirk this week. Another thing I need to nit let stress me is a co-worker friend who ignored me when I went to wirk the other day. Didn’t even ask how I was. 

I need to let that go. It’s just thst it’s nit me. I wouldn’t ignore a co-worker and ask how they were. 

Tiday im resting with my d and Ayla. It’s raining so we’re inside. I will crochet some more squares for Ayla’s blanket. 

I never really thought my story could be helping others. But if even a tiny bit of my story is helping someone then that makes me so happy. 

I hope you’re ok @Owlunar  i do think of you. 

Take care my friend ❤️❤️ Xxoo